rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?

I don't have any friends and would like to make them, so it's crucial I not act weird or off.

[Anonymous]

If that’s the OP above, honestly, don’t worry about others. Worry about your own kiddo and this particular issue. We are all in the same boat and just doing our best and I’m sure you are too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just realized this is probably related to her desire to join Civil Air Patrol as soon as she turns 12, and not so much college in and of itself. Obviously this is just a phase, but I thinking now there's less harm in catering to it.

I love this! Colorado will be a fun family vacation if that’s what’s going on. I have fond memories of a similar trip and a very boring concert at Red Rocks. I didn’t understand and thought it would involve a gymnastics show and John Tesh, but it was random classical music.

This might be a good time to widen her funnel and also introduce the concepts of ROTC, places like Embry Riddle, aerospace engineering programs, etc. Or if she just wants to be flight-adjacent, consider BBA programs with pipelines to airline rotation programs like those at American and United. The one person I know who was really into civil air patrol went to Princeton, did Air Force ROTC, went to law school and did the whole JAG thing, and somehow ended up as a fancy tech lawyer.

[Anonymous]

If she is asking, why on earth wouldn’t you fit it in if it’s easy to do? One of my kids started talking about colleges around that age, asked for one of those college guide books as a Christmas present and we got her one. We did a couple of college visits just for funsies in the summer when she was in seventh or eighth grade. It’s really low pressure to visit a school when you have a young kid, I enjoyed those visits much more than the ones we did later in hs.

[Anonymous]

We stopped by a college during a spring break when my son was 13, just for fun - to see the campus, walk around, etc. It wasn’t the destination of our trip, it was just on the way. I don’t even think school was in session; it was not an official tour. But it turns out that’s where my son decided to go, years later.

[Anonymous]

Which college? We visited MIT when we were in Boston. They have a museum of random projects the college kids worked on and my kids didn’t want to leave. Actually was the highlight of the trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

Nope. I agree with the PP above. Do not take an anxious 11 year old to visit colleges. That would just feed the beast.

And do not play dumb in any way. Treat the request like you would any other ridiculous request. Gently but firmly shut it down. Kids visit colleges in 11th and 12th grade, that's the way all kids do it, and there is no reason to deviate from that norm. 5th graders do not visit colleges.

BTW, I'm puzzled by your description of your DD as a rising 6th grader. It's November. Didn't she just start 5th grade 2 months ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Colleges have some cool stuff to visit, but an 11 year old wanting to visit a brand name is acting out anxiety/obsession-like issues that need to be reduced not enabled.

Interesting. Others had a different opinion when they learned what school.

If this is OP, either share the school name or don’t, but don’t be cagey. It makes this weird situation (and yes I think it’s weird) weirder.

She already said Air Force academy in Colorado

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?

I don't have any friends and would like to make them, so it's crucial I not act weird or off.

My earlier posts got deleted but I think it’s odd to plan a trip that involves a flight specifically because your kid has an an interest in the Air Force academy. There are so many things around here where you can explore her interest in civil air patrol. If you were already going to Colorado and were in the area, sure. But she’s too young to plan a trip because she’s interested in this. It’s no different than when DCUM tells parents to stop talking up UVA to their elementary kids because then they end up with 17 yo who think it’s there or nothing. You have no idea if she will even have a shot in getting in.

Why don’t you get her involved in Young Eagles instead? https://www.eaa.org/eaa/youth/free-ye-flights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

Nope. I agree with the PP above. Do not take an anxious 11 year old to visit colleges. That would just feed the beast.

And do not play dumb in any way. Treat the request like you would any other ridiculous request. Gently but firmly shut it down. Kids visit colleges in 11th and 12th grade, that's the way all kids do it, and there is no reason to deviate from that norm. 5th graders do not visit colleges.

BTW, I'm puzzled by your description of your DD as a rising 6th grader. It's November. Didn't she just start 5th grade 2 months ago?

I’d take my kids if that’s what they wanted to do. Especially if it was a striver college. I’d let them know what the kids who go there had to accomplish to get in. My kids struggled with motivation before we went to Boston now they have childish plans of going to Harvard together. Omg the “downside” is they do their homework without me having to ask and are both getting better grades. If they feel down about getting in a middle of the pack college when the time comes so be it.


Anyway to OP, University of Maryland does an open campus for little kids to see the farm animals and stuff in last week of April every spring and that’s pretty cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

I was her. Definitely visit many colleges at this age! I saw Harvard on a vacation when I was in elementary school. The only other college I saw all the way through college acceptances was our local state college. I obsessed over Harvard because it symbolized “college” to me. So naive!

I ended up going to Yale, but I think I would have had an easier and healthier middle school and high school life and made better college choices if I’d seen a variety of colleges and understood the options. I turned down a few excellent SLACs, applied to and got into the wrong Ivys for my needs and personality, and never even considered state flagships that would have been way better fits just because I didn’t know what they were like. Now we take my child to every college we’re ever near.

Same in several respects. When I was 9 my family drove through Dartmouth's campus, I thought it was beautiful and asked if I could go there. My parents had no higher education and said probably not, it was a school for very smart and rich kids. 8 years later I was back at Dartmouth as a freshman on financial aid. I might have been better off at my state school with few loans, but I got it in my head really young that I wanted to go to the smart rich kid school. For my own kids I'm showing them lots of different schools by going to college football games, taking them to my own and my wife's college reunions, etc. They should know there's a lot out there.

That is so cool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just realized this is probably related to her desire to join Civil Air Patrol as soon as she turns 12, and not so much college in and of itself. Obviously this is just a phase, but I thinking now there's less harm in catering to it.

I don’t know. I would definitely not take her if she has an issues that will likely disqualify her from getting in: asthma, allergies, adhd, anxiety.

[Anonymous]

It's the thought and idea of college, living away from you, autonomy, feeling grown up, and the like that she's excited about.
Don't read into it too much or take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?

I don't have any friends and would like to make them, so it's crucial I not act weird or off.

My earlier posts got deleted but I think it’s odd to plan a trip that involves a flight specifically because your kid has an an interest in the Air Force academy. There are so many things around here where you can explore her interest in civil air patrol. If you were already going to Colorado and were in the area, sure. But she’s too young to plan a trip because she’s interested in this. It’s no different than when DCUM tells parents to stop talking up UVA to their elementary kids because then they end up with 17 yo who think it’s there or nothing. You have no idea if she will even have a shot in getting in.

Why don’t you get her involved in Young Eagles instead? https://www.eaa.org/eaa/youth/free-ye-flights

I agree with this. It is weird to plan a trip to Colorado to take her to the air force academy. It would be different if you were on a long road trip and passing through. She is going to know you are specifically going to Colorado to take her there. Just do a tour of the Naval Academy since it is close and convenient. It is amazing to see, interesting history, and I would much prefer to have a kid there than the Air Force academy anyway. But all the service academies have some similarities and she will likely enjoy it, even it wasn’t her top pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, any chance you'll share the school? This is school dependent in my opinion. She wants to visit Harvard and you're happy to go to Boston? Sure, spend a day in Cambridge (and in this case, add on another school or two - MIT, Tufts, BC, etc.) She wants to visit Cornell? If you're happy spending times in the Finger Lakes, than sure. But, if it's a place far away from anywhere you'd go otherwise then no. Make it breezy. And I wouldn't worry too much about her fixating on a school. Things will likely change over the years, and if they don't, you can start helping her expand her mindset later down the line.

Air Force Academy. Definitely not opposed to visiting Colorado Springs (we're outdoorsy), but I admit we've never considered vacationing there.

Colorado Springs is beautiful. I went there a long time ago. I don’t know if I was just lucky but the weather was perfect in august. Eighty degrees and low humidity.