rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges

[Anonymous]

Actually, a specific college - we've started summer vacation planning, and she's asked if we can include a visit in our plans. Our location is always flexible, and she knows it, so "that's not nearby" isn't an excuse, because we can make it nearby. I think it's silly to visit colleges at her age, though. Any advice on how to say no without her moping all next summer when we don't cave and do it?

[Anonymous]

Kids can easily brag about something that isn't an accomplishment, ... "I was at University X this summer". To peers, sounds impressive maybe? Make sure, with all goals, she is only taking credit for actual accomplishments and not plans or getting accolades for what she'd like to have happen.

[Anonymous]

Visit like a tour? Tell her they aren't available for her age. Otoh if she does the research to find a specific youth or enrichment program at a university that is limited to a couple of days, I'd attempt to accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Why is she asking to visit a college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she asking to visit a college?

Because she'll be in middle school and practically ready to apply, obviously. Seriously, though, that's what she said.

[Anonymous]

"We'll do that in eleventh grade. Please pass the salad bowl."

[Anonymous]

What's the harm?

[Anonymous]

I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I would not do an official tour, but has she seen many college campuses? My dad worked at 10 different colleges when I was growing up. I think the time I spent “around” various campuses was really valuable. It helped me understand what college looked and felt like.

My kid did the historical tour of UVA at age 11 and attends sporting events at our more local state college. This isn’t because we are trying to shove college down her throat. But I do think being around campuses and seeing kids having fun is a good experience.

We have zero expectations about what kind of college our kid will end up at, but we certainly hope she will see college as something fun and exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm?

A boring vacation?

[Anonymous]

I disagree with PPs. My parents were not at all engaged in the college process, so when it came time to apply, I had no idea what I wanted, where to look, etc. I felt very ignorant about making application choices. For my kids, we always visit campuses that are near vacation spots. Not to go for an actual tour, but just to drive through or walk around… I want my kids to have an “early and often” exposure to all types of college campuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm?

NP and I agree. What's the harm if you can do it? You'd rather have a mopey kid? Let her visit - maybe it will be inspiring and help her dreaming times. So what if it's "silly"? Being silly isn't the worst thing you can be with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Has she ever been on a tour before? (Ie with older sibs). If not, ask her what she thinks it will be like. See her answer! Her perspective of college is probably from books and TV and movies, so maybe she thinks it will be more fun or glamorous than it is.

If her expectations and the actual thing don’t align, maybe go to UMD/another local tour first so she can understand the concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

[Anonymous]

And no, she hasn't stepped foot on a college campus other than mine, once, when she was 18 months old. I suspect there's just a lot of innocent curiosity, too.