When do looks/personality start to matter in social dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

I have one of these and am thankful she's more likely to have a small group of close friends than a huge group of partying friends. I don't really understand the obsession that parents have with their kids being popular and part of the right crowd. IMO, those kids have shallow friendships, a lot of drama, and get in or are surrounded by trouble. I don't want that for my kids.

Same here. Bad influences take over. And way too much cheating on tests and assignments so they can cling on to the “smart” label a bit longer. At least ling enough to get into a party school where the sorority girls marry the sorority boys who work for their fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is totally bizarre to me. Living through your kids much? Jeez. Glad I have not encountered this IRL.

Agreed - people are fascinated with the social lives of their kids but instead of focusing on their kids, punch up at the popular crowd and also punch down on other kids they deem lesser than. It’s sad, really.

Who is “punching up at the popular crowd?” If someone has mad basketball skills or volleyball moves good for them. If they have a friendly and kind personality that’s not fake, two faced or shallow, all the better.

But the ones who are “popular” because of gossiping, snarking off and putting down others and bossing lemmings around? Teach your kids to avoid those phony popular ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop mentally damaging your kid with these stupid "personality and popularity" expectations at such a young age.

Seriously! Some of these comments sound so catty and pathetic. So clear that mean kids have mean / insecure parents.

+100

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand if people are talking about popular as in Alpha or popular as in liked by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand if people are talking about popular as in Alpha or popular as in liked by everyone.

I think the people who start these threads want their kids to be in the "in crowd", so the Alpha. They don't care if their is liked, they want their child to be KNOWN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Please do not denigrate the short girls, it’s not a defect!

Well meanness certainly is!

yes, your meanness - picking on middle schoolers for the way they look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

This is my kid. She’s shy, kind, smart, gorgeous, tall, slim, and fashionable. The popular kids don’t really notice her and she doesn’t care to get to know them that well either. She has her small group of great friends and they are all happy. She says she’s a nerd, but I think that is just her way of saying she is smart and not in the popular crowd.

For me, the important thing is that she learns social skills and has more than one best friend. I don’t care if she’s popular or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was curious what your experience is. When does the momgineering of friend groups end and when do looks and personality start to determine popularity?

You’re lucky you don’t live in the South.

Moms setting up their girls with top jocks early on, and vice versa. They all think he’ll go pro and hopefully marry his HS Sweetheart

That’s so sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

This is my kid. She’s shy, kind, smart, gorgeous, tall, slim, and fashionable. The popular kids don’t really notice her and she doesn’t care to get to know them that well either. She has her small group of great friends and they are all happy. She says she’s a nerd, but I think that is just her way of saying she is smart and not in the popular crowd.

For me, the important thing is that she learns social skills and has more than one best friend. I don’t care if she’s popular or not.

Omg you are just as bad as the momgineers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

This is my kid. She’s shy, kind, smart, gorgeous, tall, slim, and fashionable. The popular kids don’t really notice her and she doesn’t care to get to know them that well either. She has her small group of great friends and they are all happy. She says she’s a nerd, but I think that is just her way of saying she is smart and not in the popular crowd.

For me, the important thing is that she learns social skills and has more than one best friend. I don’t care if she’s popular or not.

Omg you are just as bad as the momgineers

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

Omg you are just as bad as the momgineers

+1

I don't think there's anything wrong with what she said. It's interesting how the second anyone says their child is good looking everyone jumps down their throat. Like it or not physical appearance does matter as long as we continue to be human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see moms engineering friendships well into high school. They all want their kids to be friends with the sporty, smart, good looking kid from the influential families.

Can someone please give me an example of mom-engineering vs taking the lead on organizing a play date or outing because kids don’t have phones?

Also, are there “influential families” in an average UMC/MC neighborhood public school where the parents are all in different careers/industries? Or is that just when your kids go to school with the kids if titans of industry, ambassadors, and the like?

Thank you - nerdy mom of a social kid.

[Anonymous]

It matters right from the start. I've seen it at work in preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's probably less complicated for boys, but it seems like popularity is based on whether or not they like sports and video games - extra points for actually being good at sports and video games.

As a boy parent I kind of agree. In mid-elementary school they seem to bond over playing sports at recess or being friends outside of school from various rec teams.

I agree. My son has a decent number of friends at school but tends to be more popular and have sway with his sports friends (he does play a “leader” position)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Does she have an older sister?

No. Only child of OLD parents.

Oh. I see how it is. You're a young mom who is jealous because all the parents in their late 30s are friends with each other and therefore their children are friends.

Lol are you in the DC area? The moms in their late thirties are the young ones!