When do looks/personality start to matter in social dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Does she have an older sister?

No. Only child of OLD parents.

Oh. I see how it is. You're a young mom who is jealous because all the parents in their late 30s are friends with each other and therefore their children are friends.

NP here but truly it is kind of hard being a younger parent around here. It’s basically a death sentence and the older parents have 0 interest in getting together no matter how friendly you are.

Not true! I’m 43 and one of the moms I am very good friends with is 32. Our kids are great friends and we truly enjoy each other’s company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Read an article somewhere about popularity and the factors that are good predictors of whether someone will be popular are often whether they are older than their classmates and whether they are the youngest or the oldest sibling in the family. There was a boy that everyone wanted to hang out with in my son's first grade class and it was because he had older siblings (sixth grade, middle school) so he was very 'cool' for a first grader -- wore trendy clothes, knew slang, rock groups, etc.

The studies that talk about whether being popular is ultimately good or bad for children also point out that the popular groups do tend to grow up faster than the regular kids -- an earlier interest in hair and makeup, rock music, dating and flirting.

I also remember one girl who was friends with my daughter who had a mother who seemingly couldn't wait until her daughter became a teen ager. she had a birthday party for her daughter in maybe second grade where she invited high school girls to come and teach the girls all the trendy dances. This isn't as blatant as setting up all the play dates and choosing all the friends, but it's behavior aimed at helping to ensure your daughter becomes one of the popular girls.

As I recall, psychologists also distinuish between popular and powerful kids, especially girls. There are those who are kind of like feared and respected because they practice relational aggression, but also those who are simply charismatic.

I wonder if it's chicken or egg, whether the popular groups tend to grow up faster or the kids who are biologically predisposed to mature faster are more popular. I was a pretty late bloomer, my period only started at 14, and for a long time I still looked like a kid while my more developed classmates got catcalled on the street. I was also very oblivious to lots of stuff - I guess hormones did not kick in yet.

Wtf my period started at 12 and I still liked playing with toys with my friends and no interest in boys until 8th. Some of my classmates were interested in boys even in 6th grade developed or not. IMO its the environment whom your kids associate with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Does she have an older sister?

No. Only child of OLD parents.

Oh. I see how it is. You're a young mom who is jealous because all the parents in their late 30s are friends with each other and therefore their children are friends.

NP here but truly it is kind of hard being a younger parent around here. It’s basically a death sentence and the older parents have 0 interest in getting together no matter how friendly you are.

Not true! I’m 43 and one of the moms I am very good friends with is 32. Our kids are great friends and we truly enjoy each other’s company.

Same, I'm an old mom according to DCUM and a lot of the friends that I've made through my children are 10-15 years younger than me. I'm not saying these are my best friends, but we talk at sports practices, we've been out for drinks, stay for playdates, etc.

[Anonymous]

What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

I have one of these and am thankful she's more likely to have a small group of close friends than a huge group of partying friends. I don't really understand the obsession that parents have with their kids being popular and part of the right crowd. IMO, those kids have shallow friendships, a lot of drama, and get in or are surrounded by trouble. I don't want that for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD’s grade, the most unlikely girl emerged as the queen bee and still is two year later. She is short, average looking, and by many accounts quite mean.

Read an article somewhere about popularity and the factors that are good predictors of whether someone will be popular are often whether they are older than their classmates and whether they are the youngest or the oldest sibling in the family. There was a boy that everyone wanted to hang out with in my son's first grade class and it was because he had older siblings (sixth grade, middle school) so he was very 'cool' for a first grader -- wore trendy clothes, knew slang, rock groups, etc.

The studies that talk about whether being popular is ultimately good or bad for children also point out that the popular groups do tend to grow up faster than the regular kids -- an earlier interest in hair and makeup, rock music, dating and flirting.

I also remember one girl who was friends with my daughter who had a mother who seemingly couldn't wait until her daughter became a teen ager. she had a birthday party for her daughter in maybe second grade where she invited high school girls to come and teach the girls all the trendy dances. This isn't as blatant as setting up all the play dates and choosing all the friends, but it's behavior aimed at helping to ensure your daughter becomes one of the popular girls.

As I recall, psychologists also distinuish between popular and powerful kids, especially girls. There are those who are kind of like feared and respected because they practice relational aggression, but also those who are simply charismatic.

I wonder if it's chicken or egg, whether the popular groups tend to grow up faster or the kids who are biologically predisposed to mature faster are more popular. I was a pretty late bloomer, my period only started at 14, and for a long time I still looked like a kid while my more developed classmates got catcalled on the street. I was also very oblivious to lots of stuff - I guess hormones did not kick in yet.

Wtf my period started at 12 and I still liked playing with toys with my friends and no interest in boys until 8th. Some of my classmates were interested in boys even in 6th grade developed or not. IMO its the environment whom your kids associate with.

+1

[Anonymous]

This thread is totally bizarre to me. Living through your kids much? Jeez. Glad I have not encountered this IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is totally bizarre to me. Living through your kids much? Jeez. Glad I have not encountered this IRL.

The parents were losers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is totally bizarre to me. Living through your kids much? Jeez. Glad I have not encountered this IRL.

Agreed - people are fascinated with the social lives of their kids but instead of focusing on their kids, punch up at the popular crowd and also punch down on other kids they deem lesser than. It’s sad, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is totally bizarre to me. Living through your kids much? Jeez. Glad I have not encountered this IRL.

The parents were losers

I’m not one of the aforementioned people, but you sound weirdly triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait. I’m so sick of overbearing moms running the social lives of their kid and mine as a result. My children didn’t need me to make friends and to be embraced by their peers.

This post makes no sense

Only to you. Note all the other responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about pretty and kind but quiet? What’s the most likely social path for those kids through elementary and into middle?

I have one of these and am thankful she's more likely to have a small group of close friends than a huge group of partying friends. I don't really understand the obsession that parents have with their kids being popular and part of the right crowd. IMO, those kids have shallow friendships, a lot of drama, and get in or are surrounded by trouble. I don't want that for my kids.

Those parents are obsessed because it makes them feel popular. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was curious what your experience is. When does the momgineering of friend groups end and when do looks and personality start to determine popularity?

Both continue and continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was curious what your experience is. When does the momgineering of friend groups end and when do looks and personality start to determine popularity?

You’re lucky you don’t live in the South.

Moms setting up their girls with top jocks early on, and vice versa. They all think he’ll go pro and hopefully marry his HS Sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Being popular isn’t such a positive trait for a kid to have. That’s a loaded term and often negative.

Something like well-respected or well-liked or gets along with everyone is an actual compliment.