Are some schools really better for quirky kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the other posters who suggest a bigger school.

I had wrongly assumed that the smaller private school known for both strong academics and its accepting & inclusive culture would be a good environment for our kid whose interests fall outside the norm of many of his peers. But smaller schools can also be claustrophobic socially, and it's hit and miss by class year (older sibling had a much better class social dynamic). So after 3 years, he took a chance and transferred to a large public school where he absolutely BLOSSOMED socially! This was an unexpected surprise because he seemed like such a "small school kid" to me...I was wrong.

But maybe those three years of personal development in a kinder environment made that blossoming in a bigger place possible too? Either way, great that he's happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you think this young generation is generally kinder to people who are unconventional in various ways? Because that is my impression. I feel that people’s experiences and activities are so much more diverse (it’s not like the old days when there’s only three TV channels that the whole nation watches) that there’s less of a monolithic culture. Even gender and pronouns and sexuality are openly more diverse.

No, the mean kids are just as mean and, with social media, have even more tools to bully and harass. Your impression is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about schools that try to fix quirky kids and make them cool? You know, play sports, dress well, get girls etc.

Isn’t learning to fit in, or deciding not to, part of what you learn in school?

Wouldn’t switching them from an environment that presents some challenges to one you think will be easier for them prevent them from learning some very valuable life lessons?

Depends on the level of cruelty of the offending kids. You say "some challenges," but getting daily messages from a peer group that there is something inherently wrong with you is more than "some challenges." Kids who are bullied do not always recover to their former potential, and they may believe the whole world is as cruel as their middle school. Putting them in a school with nicer people gives them hope, self-esteem, and lets them develop into their best selves.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have kids at couple different schools you mentioned. I think quirky kids have an easier time fitting in at Sidwell, GDS, Burke, Field, St. Andrews. Quirky takes more self-confidence to fit in at Holton, NCS, Bullis, Potomac. Maret is probably somewhere in the middle. To be clear, there are quirky kids at all of these schools, but in terms of ease of fitting in, some really benefit from a more outgoing, confident personality. And if your friends who know your daughter are suggesting certain schools might be better for her, they may have a point worth considering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I agree that most kids at Burke don't come across as quirky. One nice thing about Burke is that the non-quirky majority is generally nice to and interacts positively with the quirky minority. We chose Burke over Big 3. No regrets. Field, Sandy Spring, St Andrews, Maret and GDS also have quirky kids in large numbers (but GDS assigns a lot of homework for our tastes). Even Sidwell and NCS have some quirky kids but not as many. Parents who don't notice the differences probably aren't paying attention to this issue or don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I agree that most kids at Burke don't come across as quirky. One nice thing about Burke is that the non-quirky majority is generally nice to and interacts positively with the quirky minority. We chose Burke over Big 3. No regrets. Field, Sandy Spring, St Andrews, Maret and GDS also have quirky kids in large numbers (but GDS assigns a lot of homework for our tastes). Even Sidwell and NCS have some quirky kids but not as many. Parents who don't notice the differences probably aren't paying attention to this issue or don't care.

Burke parent here, too. My kid is having a hard time fitting in and feeling accepted. It has been harder than any other place they’ve been. It breaks my heart, honestly. The “mean girls” exist just like many other places and they truly can be nasty and also excellent at staying under teachers’ radars. Teachers are awesome and supportive though, as are other staff. Hoping things improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I agree that most kids at Burke don't come across as quirky. One nice thing about Burke is that the non-quirky majority is generally nice to and interacts positively with the quirky minority. We chose Burke over Big 3. No regrets. Field, Sandy Spring, St Andrews, Maret and GDS also have quirky kids in large numbers (but GDS assigns a lot of homework for our tastes). Even Sidwell and NCS have some quirky kids but not as many. Parents who don't notice the differences probably aren't paying attention to this issue or don't care.

Burke parent here, too. My kid is having a hard time fitting in and feeling accepted. It has been harder than any other place they’ve been. It breaks my heart, honestly. The “mean girls” exist just like many other places and they truly can be nasty and also excellent at staying under teachers’ radars. Teachers are awesome and supportive though, as are other staff. Hoping things improve.

I am so sorry to hear that. That has not been our experience so far. Hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I agree that most kids at Burke don't come across as quirky. One nice thing about Burke is that the non-quirky majority is generally nice to and interacts positively with the quirky minority. We chose Burke over Big 3. No regrets. Field, Sandy Spring, St Andrews, Maret and GDS also have quirky kids in large numbers (but GDS assigns a lot of homework for our tastes). Even Sidwell and NCS have some quirky kids but not as many. Parents who don't notice the differences probably aren't paying attention to this issue or don't care.

Burke parent here, too. My kid is having a hard time fitting in and feeling accepted. It has been harder than any other place they’ve been. It breaks my heart, honestly. The “mean girls” exist just like many other places and they truly can be nasty and also excellent at staying under teachers’ radars. Teachers are awesome and supportive though, as are other staff. Hoping things improve.

PP, do you mind saying which grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I agree that most kids at Burke don't come across as quirky. One nice thing about Burke is that the non-quirky majority is generally nice to and interacts positively with the quirky minority. We chose Burke over Big 3. No regrets. Field, Sandy Spring, St Andrews, Maret and GDS also have quirky kids in large numbers (but GDS assigns a lot of homework for our tastes). Even Sidwell and NCS have some quirky kids but not as many. Parents who don't notice the differences probably aren't paying attention to this issue or don't care.

Burke parent here, too. My kid is having a hard time fitting in and feeling accepted. It has been harder than any other place they’ve been. It breaks my heart, honestly. The “mean girls” exist just like many other places and they truly can be nasty and also excellent at staying under teachers’ radars. Teachers are awesome and supportive though, as are other staff. Hoping things improve.

PP, do you mind saying which grade?

My kids' BF is also having a super hard time with the kids there. 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh yes. It’s not so much that there are schools where all or most kids are quirky. It’s that there are schools that are less homogenous, less socially competitive, and with a stronger reputation for being kind and inclusive.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. Also sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Same. I have a more "quirky" kid at Maret. There are some sporty but a bunch of quirky too. Also 100% Burke and then I'd say Field but Field more patient with minor LD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have four kids. I don’t tell DD she is quirky, or describe her that way, but she is definitely someone who has very specific things she is interested in.

For example, for her Halloween costume she’s a person from a biography she read last year (the equivalent of a Nobel prize winning scientist). My other kids are going to be more typical things like super heroes, black cats, witches, etc. There is nothing wrong with her choice - we should definitely celebrate scientists! - but it’s an unusual choice.

Looking for a place where she can be herself and blossom, and not sure that’s her current school. We are otherwise happy with her school, so only want to move her if it would be a better “fit.” But of course I’m wondering if all the schools are really pretty much the same (in terms of kids personalities), which is why I am posting.

Plenty of kids like this at Holton and other area schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have four kids. I don’t tell DD she is quirky, or describe her that way, but she is definitely someone who has very specific things she is interested in.

For example, for her Halloween costume she’s a person from a biography she read last year (the equivalent of a Nobel prize winning scientist). My other kids are going to be more typical things like super heroes, black cats, witches, etc. There is nothing wrong with her choice - we should definitely celebrate scientists! - but it’s an unusual choice.

Looking for a place where she can be herself and blossom, and not sure that’s her current school. We are otherwise happy with her school, so only want to move her if it would be a better “fit.” But of course I’m wondering if all the schools are really pretty much the same (in terms of kids personalities), which is why I am posting.

OP the point is, to kids, quirky is a pejorative term. I suggest you drop it from your vocabulary

Agree and agree. Drop the label. Most people use "quirky" as code for ASD and extreme hyperinterest + poor manners. As if one excuses the other.

OP's examples are not "quirky" or unique. She sounds like a nice, sweet, smart kid. Who isn't have any social nor academic issues at her current school.

Your disdain for neurodivergent people is really jarring, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have four kids. I don’t tell DD she is quirky, or describe her that way, but she is definitely someone who has very specific things she is interested in.

For example, for her Halloween costume she’s a person from a biography she read last year (the equivalent of a Nobel prize winning scientist). My other kids are going to be more typical things like super heroes, black cats, witches, etc. There is nothing wrong with her choice - we should definitely celebrate scientists! - but it’s an unusual choice.

Looking for a place where she can be herself and blossom, and not sure that’s her current school. We are otherwise happy with her school, so only want to move her if it would be a better “fit.” But of course I’m wondering if all the schools are really pretty much the same (in terms of kids personalities), which is why I am posting.

OP the point is, to kids, quirky is a pejorative term. I suggest you drop it from your vocabulary

Agree and agree. Drop the label. Most people use "quirky" as code for ASD and extreme hyperinterest + poor manners. As if one excuses the other.

OP's examples are not "quirky" or unique. She sounds like a nice, sweet, smart kid. Who isn't have any social nor academic issues at her current school.

Your disdain for neurodivergent people is really jarring, pp.

I often wonder if parents are guilty of pushing their kids to be "quirky" because they like the idea. There are offbeat kids or whatever terminology we want to use but now that I'm a middle aged adult and looking back across my life at the quirky/offbeat people I knew, life has not really been as kind to them as it is to more straightforward kids. Society rarely rewards quirkiness.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't have wide-ranging or niche interests but kids who take on the concept of quirkiness as their identity are most likely hurting themselves in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have four kids. I don’t tell DD she is quirky, or describe her that way, but she is definitely someone who has very specific things she is interested in.

For example, for her Halloween costume she’s a person from a biography she read last year (the equivalent of a Nobel prize winning scientist). My other kids are going to be more typical things like super heroes, black cats, witches, etc. There is nothing wrong with her choice - we should definitely celebrate scientists! - but it’s an unusual choice.

Looking for a place where she can be herself and blossom, and not sure that’s her current school. We are otherwise happy with her school, so only want to move her if it would be a better “fit.” But of course I’m wondering if all the schools are really pretty much the same (in terms of kids personalities), which is why I am posting.

OP the point is, to kids, quirky is a pejorative term. I suggest you drop it from your vocabulary

Agree and agree. Drop the label. Most people use "quirky" as code for ASD and extreme hyperinterest + poor manners. As if one excuses the other.

OP's examples are not "quirky" or unique. She sounds like a nice, sweet, smart kid. Who isn't have any social nor academic issues at her current school.

Your disdain for neurodivergent people is really jarring, pp.

I often wonder if parents are guilty of pushing their kids to be "quirky" because they like the idea. There are offbeat kids or whatever terminology we want to use but now that I'm a middle aged adult and looking back across my life at the quirky/offbeat people I knew, life has not really been as kind to them as it is to more straightforward kids. Society rarely rewards quirkiness.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't have wide-ranging or niche interests but kids who take on the concept of quirkiness as their identity are most likely hurting themselves in the long run.

DP. Nobody voluntarily “takes on” a “concept of quirkiness.” It’s a temperament just like introversion or extraversion. It’s also not contagious. And you must not know many professors if you don’t know any quirky successful people who focus on niches.