Are some schools really better for quirky kids?

[Anonymous]

I have a quirky 10 year old DD and exploring schools to apply to for either 5th or 6th.

I am going to open houses and also talking to friends with kids at target schools. My friends suggest that some schools have a reputation for being better for quirky girls. Is this really a thing? Like some school are better for athletic kids, or kids who are artistic, or whatever? Don’t most of these schools have a mix of kids?

I guess I am wondering if there really is a different (in terms of personality or interests) pool of kids who go to Sidwell vs. GDS vs. Holton? (Just examples)

FWIW, when I say quirky, to me it means my DD has strong interests in some fairly narrow areas - for example, she loves history, her sport is a martial art, and she sews and reads for fun. She also plays video games, etc., - are there really schools which are a better fit for “girls like her”?

[Anonymous]

Oh yes. It’s not so much that there are schools where all or most kids are quirky. It’s that there are schools that are less homogenous, less socially competitive, and with a stronger reputation for being kind and inclusive.

[Anonymous]

OP please do not use this moniker to describe your daughter, especially at the age of 10. Kids universally demean children with this label, which is nothing more than a lazy, trendy way to try to lump kids into a category that they eventually feel like they have to live up to.

[Anonymous]

I would be very careful about selecting schools. My DD is at a K-8 with only about 70 kids in her grade and girls account for a much smaller proportion. There is very limited scope for social manoeuvering and cohorts greatly differ. Potential friends can be greatly limited and, if there are any difficulties, it can be hard to reshuffle. I’ve witnessed all of this throughout fifth, sixth and seventh grades.

[Anonymous]

You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. Also sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

[Anonymous]

We like gds for that.

People do their own thing and are forced to work with all sorts of different people.

That said, DC area as a whole is pretty good for academics and quirky passionate kids or adults. Don’t sweat it. Big or little school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. Also sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

And potentially Waldorf.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with describing your kid as quirky. You don't have to label them or use that word with them or anyone else. You just recognize that they are not as conventional as other girls. I have a DD like that. I love that she is quirky. She is artistic, passionate about interests and hates girl drama. I won't lie, it has been rough for her, and we picked the wrong school. In retrospect I would have sought out a bigger school where she was more likely to find other unconventional girls. I thought smaller would be better for her. I was very wrong. Sometimes I think she would have been better off at a public school.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, yes. Some schools are much more "you do you" than others. Some of it depends on how confident your child is in themself. Generally speaking it will be easier to find their people and do their thing at GDS, Sidwell, Burke, St Andrews, and Madeira than at Holton, NCS, Bullis, and Potomac. With that said, if a student is confident, Holton and NCS would be fine--there are definitely girls like yours there, but they seem to do much better if they are confident in their differences. Same for Potomac and Bullis.

[Anonymous]

Big schools are better than small ones for Quirky FYI. I know it's somewhat counter intuitive for a lot of parents who feel as I once did, your kids need more attention, a small school will be easier to make friends, it's a better teacher: student ratio, etc etc. Let me tell you - the smaller the place the more claustrophobic. You want more folks to choose from - parents/kids - to find your tribe. Esp. as you get older and develop your interests more concretely. The smaller the school, the more of a just one clique there will be and if you don't fit there, you are screwed socially both parent and kid.

I don't think you need huge school but there has to be for MS at least 90-100 kids, for US at least 120-140 or so. I'm not talking 500 per class but the more the better for the kid who can handle it. College is the same - go to a small one and you are so much more limited in who you'll find. Big is not worse when you talk about finding your tribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with describing your kid as quirky. You don't have to label them or use that word with them or anyone else. You just recognize that they are not as conventional as other girls. I have a DD like that. I love that she is quirky. She is artistic, passionate about interests and hates girl drama. I won't lie, it has been rough for her, and we picked the wrong school. In retrospect I would have sought out a bigger school where she was more likely to find other unconventional girls. I thought smaller would be better for her. I was very wrong. Sometimes I think she would have been better off at a public school.

What on earth is “unconventional” about being artistic or not liking girl drama?

Larger schools would have more friends and interests to offer obviously.

But the big pro about these 80-140 students per grade private schools versus a much larger public school is you don’t have to pick. You don’t have to pick a label. Due to the size, offerings and no cuts, you can be a sporty + artistic + musical + academically minded girl.

You don’t have to pick or go narrow. K-12 should be about trying things out and exploring. Plus building a free main interests.

[Anonymous]

More friend groups the better

[Anonymous]

What is unconventional about being like my DD? Ask her and others like her. Do you even have older kids? This problem is real. Making it about semantics is not helpful to OP. If OP's child stays the way she is and went to my DD's school, she would find it hard to fit in. And it sucks not to fit in.

[Anonymous]

What IS unconventional about OPs daughter? I don’t get it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a quirky 10 year old DD and exploring schools to apply to for either 5th or 6th.

I am going to open houses and also talking to friends with kids at target schools. My friends suggest that some schools have a reputation for being better for quirky girls. Is this really a thing? Like some school are better for athletic kids, or kids who are artistic, or whatever? Don’t most of these schools have a mix of kids?

I guess I am wondering if there really is a different (in terms of personality or interests) pool of kids who go to Sidwell vs. GDS vs. Holton? (Just examples)

FWIW, when I say quirky, to me it means my DD has strong interests in some fairly narrow areas - for example, she loves history, her sport is a martial art, and she sews and reads for fun. She also plays video games, etc., - are there really schools which are a better fit for “girls like her”?

Well yes, the bigger schools will definitely have all kinds of kids-- that's what supports their broad range of academics and activities. But the smaller schools definitely do have things they're known for having (or not having). For example some people look for a school where team sports are not a requirement.

Understand that the word "quirky" can be used to talk about for having special needs or being on the spectrum or having a lot of anxiety or poor social skills or any number of issues, or being gifted in some areas yet needing support in others. Schools that are marketed for "quirky" kids tend to be smaller (sometimes very small), have a lot of support for special needs, and allow kids to go at their own pace academically.

And +1000 to the notion that smaller is not better for some kids. Sometimes you do need a large group of potential friends so that you'll click with just a few. Small schools can be a fishbowl where the kids feel constantly surveiled and social mistakes take on outside importance and there are no other friend options.

Read this thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/957988.page