Are some schools really better for quirky kids?

[Anonymous]

GDS! We love quirky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have four kids. I don’t tell DD she is quirky, or describe her that way, but she is definitely someone who has very specific things she is interested in.

For example, for her Halloween costume she’s a person from a biography she read last year (the equivalent of a Nobel prize winning scientist). My other kids are going to be more typical things like super heroes, black cats, witches, etc. There is nothing wrong with her choice - we should definitely celebrate scientists! - but it’s an unusual choice.

Looking for a place where she can be herself and blossom, and not sure that’s her current school. We are otherwise happy with her school, so only want to move her if it would be a better “fit.” But of course I’m wondering if all the schools are really pretty much the same (in terms of kids personalities), which is why I am posting.

OP the point is, to kids, quirky is a pejorative term. I suggest you drop it from your vocabulary

Agree and agree. Drop the label. Most people use "quirky" as code for ASD and extreme hyperinterest + poor manners. As if one excuses the other.

OP's examples are not "quirky" or unique. She sounds like a nice, sweet, smart kid. Who isn't have any social nor academic issues at her current school.

[Anonymous]

My kid and her best friend refer to themselves as quirky. Both have learning differences. I agree that the term carries connotations of being on the spectrum or having learning differences or being otherwise non-neurotypical and needs to be used with some care.

[Anonymous]

Also consider co-ed schools. There can be weird dynamics at all girls schools, speaking from experience.

[Anonymous]

I had a coworker always calling herself a nerd. Yet she wasn’t very smart or organized nor good at her job.
It was pretty ironic and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker always calling herself a nerd. Yet she wasn’t very smart or organized nor good at her job.
It was pretty ironic and sad.

What does this have to do with the conversation at hand?

[Anonymous]

I hear the point about the value of larger schools and a broader potential friend group but will weigh in to say how wonderful our small K-8 has been. With one class per grade, it is almost like a family where kids feel a deep connection to each other regardless of specific personality match. Sure, some kids are closer than others but there is a general camaraderie and embrace of a wide range of personalities.

Importantly, the school does a lot to foster a sense of inclusion, kindness, and a focus on social emotional learning. For example, last week was “Belonging Week” where each day they engaged in age-appropriate discussions about how to ensure all members of the community feel welcomed and embraced. The school has a very strong culture and they work hard to make it counter culture to exclude kids who might have that experience in another school.

I feel like my quirky & awesome DS is genuinely loved and appreciated by his peers and kids in other grades, as well as the faculty and staff. And, importantly, he has that feeling toward others with whom he prob wouldn’t connect at a larger school where it’s more about finding your clique. there isn’t a condescending tone of “cool kids please be nice to the weirdos” which inherently backfires and makes people feel othered or like a charity case— rather, there’s a focus on helping all kids and adults see each other for who they are and the special things they bring to the community. It’s really quite extraordinary.

Overall, whether you choose a small school or large school, ask the school how they foster a culture of inclusion and connection across a range of personalities and interests. I see a lot of intentionality about this at DS’s school and it was pretty apparent to me during the application process which schools prioritized this and which didn’t.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I wanted to say one more thing about the importance of choosing a school that embraces a culture of inclusion rather than a school that embraces a culture of surface level niceness. (Which at first can seem quite similar but are exactly extraordinarily different.)

I went to catholic high school in the late 1990s. There was some amount of focus on the importance of being nice to all. A very “Christian” approach. But inherent in this was an undertone that there is a preferred personality and an inferior personality. So, as I referenced above, any sense of inclusion was rooted in a feeling of “cool kids please be nice to the weirdos”. But that is not genuine inclusion. It is a surface level niceness that kids can see through.

Please choose a school that does the hard work to create a culture where there aren’t “ideal” personalities but all kids are seen as the beautiful, unique beings they are. The experience I am witnessing for my DS is night and day from the culture that existed in my school growing up. He is treasured and embraced for all that he contributes to the community - not because “it’s the nice thing to do.”

Choose wisely - there are some very special schools in the area who make all kids feel seen and loved for who they are. That’s what you’re looking for, OP. Big school or small school, this is what will make the difference for your awesome kid.

[Anonymous]

PP one more time- a good place to start is the schools that use progressive pedagogy. (I mean progressive pedagogy not politically progressive) This approach to inclusion and community building and embracing all children for who they are is core to their view of educational instruction. Some examples are Sheridan, Lowell, GDS, Burke, SSFS.

[Anonymous]

Meh, most places will say they’re progressive. IMO as a teacher that is sometimes a marker of not very strong teachers doing what they want and thinking it’s great because the kids enjoy their classes. Cf Lowell—I was shocked by how weak the middle school curriculum was.

For the original question, yes, some schools have and support quirky-identified kids better than others. I don’t know which ones are actually good for that (lots of nice quirk at Lowell, to be fair), but Sidwell is not it. I was really duped by the Quaker values business at the Lower School (we applied our kid just before the pandemic and didn’t get to see the MS and US!), but it feels like a real sports-ocracy. I know many middle schools have kids looking to fit in, but I am hard pressed to spot many kids who are comfortable standing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker always calling herself a nerd. Yet she wasn’t very smart or organized nor good at her job.
It was pretty ironic and sad.

What does this have to do with the conversation at hand?

Everyone’s defining quirky differently. And flat out wrongly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP one more time- a good place to start is the schools that use progressive pedagogy. (I mean progressive pedagogy not politically progressive) This approach to inclusion and community building and embracing all children for who they are is core to their view of educational instruction. Some examples are Sheridan, Lowell, GDS, Burke, SSFS.

We go to one of these. They go overboard and glorify the misfits to the point that if you are not one you can’t and won’t try to join certain clubs.
Yes everyone is doing their thing, but the misfits get first dibs. And no one better say a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker always calling herself a nerd. Yet she wasn’t very smart or organized nor good at her job.
It was pretty ironic and sad.

What does this have to do with the conversation at hand?

Everyone’s defining quirky differently. And flat out wrongly.

It’s not a case of definition, it’s a case of connotation. And it is very frequently used to describe kids with mild neurological or learning differences. Anyone using it in a different context should be aware of that, because that’s the connotation that will come to mind for many people seeing it. And that *doesn’t* seem to be how OP is using it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I wanted to say one more thing about the importance of choosing a school that embraces a culture of inclusion rather than a school that embraces a culture of surface level niceness. (Which at first can seem quite similar but are exactly extraordinarily different.)

I went to catholic high school in the late 1990s. There was some amount of focus on the importance of being nice to all. A very “Christian” approach. But inherent in this was an undertone that there is a preferred personality and an inferior personality. So, as I referenced above, any sense of inclusion was rooted in a feeling of “cool kids please be nice to the weirdos”. But that is not genuine inclusion. It is a surface level niceness that kids can see through.

Please choose a school that does the hard work to create a culture where there aren’t “ideal” personalities but all kids are seen as the beautiful, unique beings they are. The experience I am witnessing for my DS is night and day from the culture that existed in my school growing up. He is treasured and embraced for all that he contributes to the community - not because “it’s the nice thing to do.”

Choose wisely - there are some very special schools in the area who make all kids feel seen and loved for who they are. That’s what you’re looking for, OP. Big school or small school, this is what will make the difference for your awesome kid.

Which school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for a school that has a Future Farmers of America club, a Bulgarian women's choir, rhythmic gymnastics, and pot roast.

So are we! When you find one, let us know!