when and how to discipline naughty behavior in 15 months old?

[Anonymous]

Op, you will have to work on endless patience. It's impossible so be sure to take breaks when possible. If you are feeling fed up with his behavior, take a breath and plan your reaction backed by patience and understanding of his perspective (sitting still is boring, making this mess is fun and interesting).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "Naughty" word is disturbing to hear by a parent in reference to a 15 month old. Please, not said snarkily, but get to a parenting class ASAP to help develop a more reasonable set of expectations so you can support your son from the beginning, or this may turn into a huge problem later in life for both of you

Yep, this. Op needs a parenting class or a book on child development because she sounds like she knows literally nothing. I’m going to assume OP has been messing up from the beginning which is partly why her child is like this. Op do you struggle in other aspects of life too?

Oh shut up.

Her child is a normal 15 month old. You need a parenting class.

No. My kid is older now but didn’t even do half of what OP describes.

Your kid fell on an easier end of the spectrum with that behavior which is normal but op's kid is normal too. Have you ever seen a preschool class? Personalities are all different, they are little people after all. Some kids test more boundaries. I have twins and one is a boundary tester which was so difficult at that age but now I see that same spirit in my outgoing teen and I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Career Nanny here:

Anonymous wrote:
- not staying still during diaper changes. doesn't cry or scream but wiggles or bicycles his legs while laughing maniacally. He is 25 pounds and very strong, so sometimes this leads to big mess as I cannot restrain him with one hand while dealing with the diaper with the other. Saying no loudly will only make him laugh harder.
Toddlers don’t get “no,” so that is pointless and you are actively teaching him that power struggles with you are a fun game. Instead, be proactive: keep a basket of toys near the changing table that he only gets to have while having a poopy diaper changed. For pee diapers, just change him on the floor while he is playing. Learn to be fast. For poop, get 3-4 wipes out of the bin and lay them on the table beside you first, so you can go super quickly and get the worst of it while he is distracted with toys.

- refusing to stay in his high chair for more than 30 seconds, will either try to climb on the table or scream to get out and eat while roaming around the room

Strap him in the high chair. Only allow food while sitting in the high chair. If he screams to get down, let him down, but he doesn’t get food unless he is sitting in the chair. He will quickly learn to focus on eating when he is in the chair if eating while walking around isn’t an option. He’s not going to starve if you don’t allow snacks all over the house and it’s much safer (choking is a big risk at this age still) to eat sitting still.

- throwing food and then stomping on it with his feet
If he throws food, the meal is done. Try again in 5 minutes if he asks for food. Also, general rule is to only give a small amount of food at a time, so like 1 raspberry, 1 slice of apple, etc. when he has a big pile of food he can put some in his mouth and play with the rest. Keep it small enough that he stays on task until he is done. Also, if all food is in the high chair, stomping isn’t an issue.

- banging toys / small objects on the floor, sometimes breaking them
Banging things is a developmental need, so provide a better option (try a metal mixing bowl upside down). If a toy is broken, it goes in the trash. If he is using toys inappropriately, then swap them out for something different (e.g., a stuffed animal should be safe to bang on anything).

- running away (while laughing) when he knows a nap, diaper change, or bed time is coming
He doesn’t want to do it. He would rather play a chasing game. Stay calm, let him run (your home should be safe for him to run in, gate stairs/rooms he can’t go in). When he tires of his game then he will come back or allow you to pick him up. The more you chase, the more fun this is for him. Don’t join in the game and it will be less exciting.

- grabbing fistfuls of kibble and throwing it everywhere

Every toddler is obsessed with dog-food. Keep the food somewhere he can’t get to it, or put the food away outside of dog meal times.

thank you!

Overall, it sounds like he needs more exercise and stimulation. Instead of story time, he needs to go to the park or one of those soft play rooms. Also look up active sensory play ideas and start to give him more ways to explore in healthier ways. It sounds like you have a high-energy kid and you need to give him ways to get that energy out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep refocusing him. He's throwing kibble to get a rise out of you. He wants to see where the boundary is and what happens when he crosses it.
Give 2 positive options that you're okay with (do you want your baby doll or your stuffed animal with your nap?). It gives the illusion that they have some choice, which is what they really want.
Do not back down!! If you say no to something, you better stand strong and not give in. This is pretty crucial for parenting.

A lot of times if it's something that needs done, but they won't do it, (like holding hands while crossing the street) I will just pick them up. Sometimes that makes them whine even more, so I will ask do you want to hold hands or be carried?

Rolling my eyes at this answer because these are only the correct answers for easy kids. Some kids do things just to explore how stuff works or entertain not get “get a rise” out of caregivers. Ignoring and redirecting do not work on stubborn kids.

And mine isn’t dumb enough to ever, EVER choose one of the options when she wants neither. She will just repeat the third thing she wants that you didn’t offer. If I say, you can either hold my hand or I’ll carry you, which would you prefer? She’ll say, I’d prefer to run into the street. Big Little Feelings is a total waste of money for sensitive or defiant kids.

Lol. Okay…your kid isn’t special or unique (or…smarter?! Lol.) in that, that’s how they all respond naturally / initially. You take it a step farther by then saying okay, if you don’t choose I’ll choose for you. And give her one more chance to choose, and then you do choose for her - in your example, you pick her up and carry her across the street, against her will, and as she protests calmly say “yes, you didn’t choose and I chose for you; next time you can try choosing if you want.” You approach all of this in a very blasé / painfully calm and emotionally uninvested manner. Do not change course when you pick her up and she immediately says, “no I want to hold your hand!!!” - the answer is still ‘you had a chance to choose and decided not, but next time you can decide to choose if you like.”

Also, her child is most definitely continuing this behavior because he gets a reaction - OP said as much (somewhere down the line he decided “no” was funny. The answer to this obviously involves stopping using “no” when you redirect, in addition to incorporating advice other wise PPs have shared

Yeah the PP stopped listening after the two choices bit. And didnt listen to what happens when they dont want to do one of the two. You dont let them do a 3rd. This is like the food thing- parents decide what is on the menu, kids decide how much to eat with the idea of 1 item being something they like (on an average day). You dont offer them other food then. You hold the boundary. Same with the two choices. You give two choices that are acceptable and if they dont choose one of those you choose one of those for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "Naughty" word is disturbing to hear by a parent in reference to a 15 month old. Please, not said snarkily, but get to a parenting class ASAP to help develop a more reasonable set of expectations so you can support your son from the beginning, or this may turn into a huge problem later in life for both of you

Yep, this. Op needs a parenting class or a book on child development because she sounds like she knows literally nothing. I’m going to assume OP has been messing up from the beginning which is partly why her child is like this. Op do you struggle in other aspects of life too?

Oh shut up.

Her child is a normal 15 month old. You need a parenting class.

No. My kid is older now but didn’t even do half of what OP describes.

All kids are different and have different needs and thresholds. My kid runs the 0.6 mile "walk" to school and "walk" home. Most kids ride the bus and get tired at soccer practice. He can also do 5 pull ups. And 10 honest-to-god chest to the floor pushups.He is 5. Can you guess what he was like at 15 months? Do you think he's high sleep needs or low sleep needs? Do you think he still naps like some of his classmates in Kindergarten who need to "rest" when they get home from 6 hours of school? No, he dropped his nap at 3.

The thing is he is still within the normal spectrum of a 5 year old boy, he is just towards the end of the spectrum. Just like a kid who still needs a nap after K is still within the norm. On the opposite end.

He sounds high-energy, high-sensory and Mom is a FTM with a spirited child. She needs to read an array of parenting books for spirited children (Big Little Feeling, Good Inside by Dr Becky, No Drama Discpline, Whole Brain CHild, Raising Good Humans, 123 Magic). Not everything will work with every kid. All of these books have different means of holding boundaries and what is appropriate boundaries to instill. Its also about understanding what is unfair to your kid expectation-wise. Crafts and library time are only going to be worthwhile when other cups have been filled. For example, my kid uses chalk to draw raceways and rainbows like Mario Kart and then races his cars on them. He is not sitting nicely for an hour creating a Zoo scene with chalk. He is using chalk but my expectation is not the latter.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll.

Don't be sp sure. After all, there are PPs telling her that she is responsible for the baby's behavior. Are they all trolls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?

+1 yiiiikes lol. Good luck in…life

? I’m a NP and don’t know what you’re getting at. OP’s post as a FTM is totally reasonable.

Good luck to you, if kindness doesn’t come naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "Naughty" word is disturbing to hear by a parent in reference to a 15 month old. Please, not said snarkily, but get to a parenting class ASAP to help develop a more reasonable set of expectations so you can support your son from the beginning, or this may turn into a huge problem later in life for both of you

Yep, this. Op needs a parenting class or a book on child development because she sounds like she knows literally nothing. I’m going to assume OP has been messing up from the beginning which is partly why her child is like this. Op do you struggle in other aspects of life too?

PP, you would make a terrible friend.

[Anonymous]

He is attention seeking and trying to get a reaction from you. He enjoys your response. If you don't make a big deal out of things he will stop. You need to pick him up and remove him from the situation or distract without a big reaction. Calmly saying a simple "no thank you" or "I don't like this behavior" will suffice for a reprimand.

Other ideas: ignore him if he's running away from you. He'll get bored when he realizes you won't chase him.
Give him a rattle and special song during diaper changes to distract.

[Anonymous]

Yes!!! Get him a toddler table in a secure area like a play yard and let him feed himself. You don't have to strap him in. Let him have some control. Why does he have to submit?!



I use the straps, he screams his head off and refuses to eat. Am I not patient enough and should just let him keep screaming until he gets tired and submits? This seems a little cruel. I'm ok with letting him cry - I sleep trained and sometimes he cries up to 15 min in his crib. But the screaming with straps on in high school is another level of intensity.

The only way he eats (and eats quite well) is if we give him bodily autonomy. There is still occasional food throwing but a lot less.

Is it acceptable for this age to not expect them to eat in the high chair, but however they are comfortable?

[Anonymous]

A lot of you are nuts and I see why America is full of spoiled brats. A 16mo absolutely knows when he’s doing something wrong and can be reprimanded. But then the fault turns from him to you if you’re laughing at it or fail to make yourself known as an authority figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: library story time. I'm a librarian, and most of the regulars for library story time are kids who are temperamentally more suited to sitting still and being quiet. It just self selects that way for the most part. The caregivers with the energetic kids tend to take them to the playground or a gym-type activity and those with the snuggly kids tend to take them to the library. So while it seemed like your kid was THE wild kid at the library, it is only because all the other kids there are the "shy/quiet" kid. Many of our regulars are kids who get overwhelmed easily and whose caregivers are hoping to help them break out of their shells a bit. We do get the energetic kids now and then and they are a lot of fun, though the parents are always embarrassed b/c the other kids seem so compliant. I try to explain this to them without making either type of kid seem better than the other because they aren't. YMMV

This is a very helpful perspective. Thanks!

Good post by librarian. Go to story time after active play and only stay in the group for the amount of time the child will participate/sit comparable o the other children. No roaming /pulling books off shelves. You pull off maybe 5 books and let the child pick 3 for check out. You put the extra back in the proper spot. Kibble? put away where the child can't access it. My kids "helped" put it in the bowl/pour. Dog sat until given release command to eat.

High chairs- we used them 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Brief am and pm snacks. Snack transitionned to tot tiny table with chairs. Maybe the high chair isn't comfortable, the child is not hungry, and if they like the food less flies overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son will be turning 15 months soon and has become exponentially more naughty. Taking care of him is exhausting and sometimes very frustrating. Other than saying no and redirecting, what do you do for discipline around this age? I list some examples below of his behavior, I'm curious to hear from others if you would find the following behavior acceptable for his age, or if you would do something about it (and what?)

- not staying still during diaper changes. doesn't cry or scream but wiggles or bicycles his legs while laughing maniacally. He is 25 pounds and very strong, so sometimes this leads to big mess as I cannot restrain him with one hand while dealing with the diaper with the other. Saying no loudly will only make him laugh harder.

- refusing to stay in his high chair for more than 30 seconds, will either try to climb on the table or scream to get out and eat while roaming around the room

- throwing food and then stomping on it with his feet

- banging toys / small objects on the floor, sometimes breaking them

- running away (while laughing) when he knows a nap, diaper change, or bed time is coming

- grabbing fistfuls of kibble and throwing it everywhere

thank you!

Doesn't your high chair have straps? Use them.

If he's in his chair he can't stomp on food.

Banging toys is what they do. Sort through them and store the breakable ones.

Distract while changing diapers. Do not chase, smile or otherwise engage when he runs. Turn away. Easier said than done when you are frustrated, for sure. However, it takes the game out of it for him.

You said you've already moved the kibble. That one seemed pretty straight forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep refocusing him. He's throwing kibble to get a rise out of you. He wants to see where the boundary is and what happens when he crosses it.
Give 2 positive options that you're okay with (do you want your baby doll or your stuffed animal with your nap?). It gives the illusion that they have some choice, which is what they really want.
Do not back down!! If you say no to something, you better stand strong and not give in. This is pretty crucial for parenting.

A lot of times if it's something that needs done, but they won't do it, (like holding hands while crossing the street) I will just pick them up. Sometimes that makes them whine even more, so I will ask do you want to hold hands or be carried?

Rolling my eyes at this answer because these are only the correct answers for easy kids. Some kids do things just to explore how stuff works or entertain not get “get a rise” out of caregivers. Ignoring and redirecting do not work on stubborn kids.

And mine isn’t dumb enough to ever, EVER choose one of the options when she wants neither. She will just repeat the third thing she wants that you didn’t offer. If I say, you can either hold my hand or I’ll carry you, which would you prefer? She’ll say, I’d prefer to run into the street. Big Little Feelings is a total waste of money for sensitive or defiant kids.

Lol. Okay…your kid isn’t special or unique (or…smarter?! Lol.) in that, that’s how they all respond naturally / initially. You take it a step farther by then saying okay, if you don’t choose I’ll choose for you. And give her one more chance to choose, and then you do choose for her - in your example, you pick her up and carry her across the street, against her will, and as she protests calmly say “yes, you didn’t choose and I chose for you; next time you can try choosing if you want.” You approach all of this in a very blasé / painfully calm and emotionally uninvested manner. Do not change course when you pick her up and she immediately says, “no I want to hold your hand!!!” - the answer is still ‘you had a chance to choose and decided not, but next time you can decide to choose if you like.”

Also, her child is most definitely continuing this behavior because he gets a reaction - OP said as much (somewhere down the line he decided “no” was funny. The answer to this obviously involves stopping using “no” when you redirect, in addition to incorporating advice other wise PPs have shared

Yeah the PP stopped listening after the two choices bit. And didnt listen to what happens when they dont want to do one of the two. You dont let them do a 3rd. This is like the food thing- parents decide what is on the menu, kids decide how much to eat with the idea of 1 item being something they like (on an average day). You dont offer them other food then. You hold the boundary. Same with the two choices. You give two choices that are acceptable and if they dont choose one of those you choose one of those for them.

I’m the pp who wrote that mine won’t choose. Interesting that you both assumed I give in and let her have the third thing or don’t understand I then have to choose for her. I “choose” for her. Every time. My point is, the whole “give them a choice” thing is stupid advice because they will never ever choose an acceptable option, so why should I waste my time offering? It’s way easier and leads to fewer tantrums when I just tell her what we’re going to do instead of giving the illusion of choice and her getting frustrated and us wasting a few minutes on this ridiculous conversation 10 times a day.