when and how to discipline naughty behavior in 15 months old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is hard! and incredibly normal. It will get much much easier when you learn some tools and also gain an understanding that it is completely normal toddler behavior and not something to discipline, but to find ways through. Start by following Big Little Feelings on instagram. You could also take their course if you prefer watching videos for something like that. I also highly highly recommend reading No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury. It is very short and perfect for giving you the basic understanding of normal toddler behavior and how to respond.

Thank you for the suggestions.

My parents recently spent a week with us and was pretty appalled by his behavior. They didn't find it cute or funny like I do (up to a certain threshold). They kept on saying if I don't start disciplining him now he will turn out to be a problem child and do destructive/dangerous things when he's a teenager. When I ask how am i supposed to discipline someone who doesn't seem to understand "no" yet they suggested spanking....

Don’t you dare even THINK about spanking a 15 month old. Honestly most parents these days find the idea of spanking ANY child wrong / morally repulsive (also, it’s just not logical…), but to hit a baby would be inexcusable child abuse. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean...

1) Find what distracts him- sing a song, tell a story, give him something to occupy his hands. Standing diaper changes can also help, but I never got the hang of them.

2) This is what the straps on the high chair are for.

3) Food is given in the high chair and taken away if thrown.

4) Don't give him access to things that can be broken by banging.

5) Limit access to places where he could run away. And then go get him.

6) Don't let him go where the kibble is.

This stage is exhausting and frustrating, but this isn't misbehavior and it can't be disciplined. He is learning how to be in the world. You need to give him boundaries that he can exist within and teach him as he gets old enough to really learn and understand.

I use the straps, he screams his head off and refuses to eat. Am I not patient enough and should just let him keep screaming until he gets tired and submits? This seems a little cruel. I'm ok with letting him cry - I sleep trained and sometimes he cries up to 15 min in his crib. But the screaming with straps on in high school is another level of intensity.

The only way he eats (and eats quite well) is if we give him bodily autonomy. There is still occasional food throwing but a lot less.

Is it acceptable for this age to not expect them to eat in the high chair, but however they are comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that you are reinforcing behaviors you don't like with your reactions. It also sounds like you have things around the house that should be put away so he can't get into mischief-- like the kibble. Put it out of his reach. Don't give him food unless he is in his high chair. He won't be able to stomp on it. If he throws food, take him out of the high chair and do something else.

He sounds like he is bored. I would have him play outside as much as possible to tire him out for his naps.

There are lots of things you can do. I recommend parent training. it is life changing

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son will be turning 15 months soon and has become exponentially more naughty. Taking care of him is exhausting and sometimes very frustrating. Other than saying no and redirecting, what do you do for discipline around this age? I list some examples below of his behavior, I'm curious to hear from others if you would find the following behavior acceptable for his age, or if you would do something about it (and what?)

- not staying still during diaper changes. doesn't cry or scream but wiggles or bicycles his legs while laughing maniacally. He is 25 pounds and very strong, so sometimes this leads to big mess as I cannot restrain him with one hand while dealing with the diaper with the other. Saying no loudly will only make him laugh harder.

- refusing to stay in his high chair for more than 30 seconds, will either try to climb on the table or scream to get out and eat while roaming around the room

- throwing food and then stomping on it with his feet

- banging toys / small objects on the floor, sometimes breaking them

- running away (while laughing) when he knows a nap, diaper change, or bed time is coming

- grabbing fistfuls of kibble and throwing it everywhere

thank you!

I don’t think you’re off-base with what you’re asking for but the word discipline is being misinterpreted here. This is a great time to use the word NO for behaviors that you want to stop. For diapers say stay still and show him what you mean by keeping his legs down. Overall what you’re describing his normal toddler behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that you are reinforcing behaviors you don't like with your reactions. It also sounds like you have things around the house that should be put away so he can't get into mischief-- like the kibble. Put it out of his reach. Don't give him food unless he is in his high chair. He won't be able to stomp on it. If he throws food, take him out of the high chair and do something else.

He sounds like he is bored. I would have him play outside as much as possible to tire him out for his naps.

There are lots of things you can do. I recommend parent training. it is life changing

Care to share what is parent training? Is it a book/online resource?

When it's not boiling like today we spent 4-5 hours outside, 2 hours before and 2 hours after nap. It makes him sleep easier but doesn't impact the frequency of other naughty, destructive behavior.

[Anonymous]

The problem is you / your reactions. Remove the temptations to him that will continually be problems. If he does something you don’t want him to do, do NOT overreact or scold. Calmly redirect - give him two options, and if he doesn’t choose one CALMLY help him do so. If he does listen / choose one, get very excited and praise him profusely. Repeat times 100. He’s not “misbehaving”, he’s 15 months old and he is responding to your reactions

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a perfectly normal toddler…I’d buckle up, 15 month olds are easy

[Anonymous]

The diaper changes may get easier when he’s older. DD was very docile at that age but even she didn’t like to be still for diapers. When we took her on vacation and didn’t have a changing table with a strap, diaper changes required both parents. But around 20 months she started being very compliant with diapers and on vacation she would flop down and lay still when I said it was time for a change. Kind of surprising because that was when she became opinionated and started having some tantrums.

One thing that helped was giving her a toy, clean diaper, or wipe to play with. It turned out she wanted to help with the changing. She likes to open the diaper stickers and pretends to wipe herself which is pretty adorable.

[Anonymous]

OP
Thanks for everyone's suggestions.

I'm hearing that you should say no at problematic behavior (even if they can't understand it entirely at this age), but not loudly/dramatically. At some point "NO" has become funny to my son. Or it always was.

As for giving two options for things to do, I don't think he understands that right now, unless it's choosing between two objects held out in front of him...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean...

1) Find what distracts him- sing a song, tell a story, give him something to occupy his hands. Standing diaper changes can also help, but I never got the hang of them.

2) This is what the straps on the high chair are for.

3) Food is given in the high chair and taken away if thrown.

4) Don't give him access to things that can be broken by banging.

5) Limit access to places where he could run away. And then go get him.

6) Don't let him go where the kibble is.

This stage is exhausting and frustrating, but this isn't misbehavior and it can't be disciplined. He is learning how to be in the world. You need to give him boundaries that he can exist within and teach him as he gets old enough to really learn and understand.

I use the straps, he screams his head off and refuses to eat. Am I not patient enough and should just let him keep screaming until he gets tired and submits? This seems a little cruel. I'm ok with letting him cry - I sleep trained and sometimes he cries up to 15 min in his crib. But the screaming with straps on in high school is another level of intensity.

The only way he eats (and eats quite well) is if we give him bodily autonomy. There is still occasional food throwing but a lot less.

Is it acceptable for this age to not expect them to eat in the high chair, but however they are comfortable?

The consequence of bodily autonomy at this age is going to be a mess. You find your boundaries if you want to contain the mess. That was the point I was trying to make.

It's hard and there is no one right way to do all these things. But I agree with others that you need to change your thinking and approach to his behaviors. Redirection, positive reinforcement and modeling behavior are your best tools.

[Anonymous]

OP someone PPs are just getting on their high horse about the word discipline and being very sanctimonious.

You have gotten some good concrete suggestions from others. You are also correct that often just nothing works. Neither of my kids were ever interested in "two choices," they would just say No or say whatever thing they wanted even if it was not offered. They also didn't care about No. It is just tough. They are small so some things you have to just power through (like diaper change). Other things you try to avoid by better childproofing, keeping things out of reach, etc.

Btw I did read a lot and took a parenting class but the strategies are tough for that age. Like my 4yo will generally understand and be receptive to consequences but a 15mo just doesn't have th capacity.

[Anonymous]

Geez. Stop using the word naughty. He’s a baby. He isn’t capable of being “naughty.” Wtf. And don’t spank him now or ever. Ugh. Read a parenting book. He is learning about the world. Also, instead of no, get used to saying what you want as when he gets a little older he will understand that much more readily. Rather than “do not hit the dog” you say be gentle with the dog.” Rather than “stop thrashing” you say, “lie still please.” But for now just redirect and distract and for goodness sake stop thinking of him has misbehaving!!

[Anonymous]

Re: library story time. I'm a librarian, and most of the regulars for library story time are kids who are temperamentally more suited to sitting still and being quiet. It just self selects that way for the most part. The caregivers with the energetic kids tend to take them to the playground or a gym-type activity and those with the snuggly kids tend to take them to the library. So while it seemed like your kid was THE wild kid at the library, it is only because all the other kids there are the "shy/quiet" kid. Many of our regulars are kids who get overwhelmed easily and whose caregivers are hoping to help them break out of their shells a bit. We do get the energetic kids now and then and they are a lot of fun, though the parents are always embarrassed b/c the other kids seem so compliant. I try to explain this to them without making either type of kid seem better than the other because they aren't. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: library story time. I'm a librarian, and most of the regulars for library story time are kids who are temperamentally more suited to sitting still and being quiet. It just self selects that way for the most part. The caregivers with the energetic kids tend to take them to the playground or a gym-type activity and those with the snuggly kids tend to take them to the library. So while it seemed like your kid was THE wild kid at the library, it is only because all the other kids there are the "shy/quiet" kid. Many of our regulars are kids who get overwhelmed easily and whose caregivers are hoping to help them break out of their shells a bit. We do get the energetic kids now and then and they are a lot of fun, though the parents are always embarrassed b/c the other kids seem so compliant. I try to explain this to them without making either type of kid seem better than the other because they aren't. YMMV

This is a very helpful perspective. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep refocusing him. He's throwing kibble to get a rise out of you. He wants to see where the boundary is and what happens when he crosses it.
Give 2 positive options that you're okay with (do you want your baby doll or your stuffed animal with your nap?). It gives the illusion that they have some choice, which is what they really want.
Do not back down!! If you say no to something, you better stand strong and not give in. This is pretty crucial for parenting.

A lot of times if it's something that needs done, but they won't do it, (like holding hands while crossing the street) I will just pick them up. Sometimes that makes them whine even more, so I will ask do you want to hold hands or be carried?

Rolling my eyes at this answer because these are only the correct answers for easy kids. Some kids do things just to explore how stuff works or entertain not get “get a rise” out of caregivers. Ignoring and redirecting do not work on stubborn kids.

And mine isn’t dumb enough to ever, EVER choose one of the options when she wants neither. She will just repeat the third thing she wants that you didn’t offer. If I say, you can either hold my hand or I’ll carry you, which would you prefer? She’ll say, I’d prefer to run into the street. Big Little Feelings is a total waste of money for sensitive or defiant kids.