Tell me about two working parents with school age kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You skip them.

This. We are a two-teacher family. We never make any of our own children’s events. If Grandma isn’t available, our kids just don’t go (meet and greets, etc).

Two-teacher family here too. One of us will take time off for something like a parent-teacher conference, just as we would for something like a scheduled dentist or another doctor appointment.

Our Back to School Nights are in the evening. Parents don't come to our class parties. Someone earlier mentioned those.

Our parent/teacher conferences and BTS nights are almost always on the same nights as our children’s school. We can’t take leave on those days.

As for class parties, field trips, and other school-day obligations, I can’t afford to take a day when I only get 10 total. I need to save those for illnesses!

We just can’t go. Our kids are fine. They understand why.

[Anonymous]

OP, like others here have said-you aren't going to be able to go to everything. I've had to accept that.

My dd's school recently had 'open house meet the teacher' and, after having had it in the evening for the past 2 years-scheduled it at 1pm! My workplace's bidding for summer vacation is long past and I could not get the day off so my mom went. It is what it is.

One thing I've learned to do is-make notes of events I really want to focus on and plan way in advance to take AL that day. For example, dd's school does a Mother's day thing the friday before mother's day so I take that off as soon as AL bidding opens in January. I also take off the end of school award/promotion night, I mean I take off the whole day so I am not late to that event. I plan wayyyy ahead.

[Anonymous]

Dh and i have flexibility in different ways. I work in a high school - so I get their snow days and random days off. My students leave at 2:30, so once or twice a year I JET out the door at 2:30 to get to a Halloween or Valentine's party. DH can work from home at times, so he can also go to an open house or something that is more mid-day.

We use before care and after care. And we miss a lot of things. It's not possible to do it all. Kids say "eeeeveryone else had a parent there." No. No they didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the early ES years there weren’t a ton of things in the middle of the day/before the end of the work day. We used aftercare, and came early to things like BTS when needed. It actually got to be more of a pain when the kids got older and started extracurriculars like sports/dance. Our kids hit that age during Covid, and with WFH flexibility we made it happen. We often remark on how thankful we are for the work flexibility we now have, because pre-Covid getting a kid to sports or dance by 5 pm wouldn’t have been possible.

Our experience exactly. Pre-COVID neither of us worked from home (dual feds). Older kid was in kindergarten in spring 2020, younger was in daycare. Neither did activities seriously until fall 2021 when things had reopened, and by then, our workplaces had moved to hybrid schedules. So now we stagger our days so one parent is always working at home on the days the kids have activities, while the other goes into the office.

We also use after care, even if we only use it from 3:30-4:30 because of an activity for which we need to pick up at 4:30.

We rarely both attend a function at the same time unless that is required because we have two kids (one parent per kid). Everything is staggered. Anything that occurs at school before 5 pm is a presumptive "no" from us unless it's really important like a major presentation or performance. The teachers are still offering Zoom options for conferences which is fantastic for the parent in the office - easy to hop on and then go back to work. At our school, most families do not seem to have stay at home parents, so there really isn't a ton of stuff happening during the school day anyway. Back to school night is at 7 pm, science night and international night are at 7 pm, anything for which they seriously want parent attendance is at 7 pm.

[Anonymous]

I dialed down my career and became an independent contractor so I’m my own boss. I control my schedule 100% and when I’m traveling and can’t make things, DH will step up to go. No regrets whatsoever.

I’m very active at the school, volunteer a lot, etc…. My kid is in elementary (4th grade now) and those early years fly by, and I really wanted to be present for him. By middle school, I think the opportunity is lost because when older they don’t want mom and dad around.

I asked DS one time if he likes it that I do a lot at the school and if I should cut back. He said no, he likes that I’m there and know most of the kids. One time I volunteered in class and this sweet girl said to me that she wished her mom could volunteer sometimes. The kids notice.

For new parents, if you can, cut back a little on the career for your kid. It’s a few short years.

Lastly those that chime in is right. The activities schedule after school can be very challenging and stressful to coordinate if you don’t have flexibility. Luckily we do. We only have 1 kid and are busy. I cannot imagine juggling 2 kids activities during the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for grandma to help

Time to sign up for before care and aftercare at school. My kids are in school from 7am-6pm with both before and aftercare!

Poor kids.

You mean YOUR kids are the "poor" ones. They will never know what it's like to live without judgemental parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am selective about what I attend. I no longer attend open houses in the middle of the day. Post-pandemic, I request virtual parent-teacher conferences that I can attend from work. If you work in DC, there is paid parental leave for school activities, though I have never used this. I do try to go to school plays (once per year per child).

There’s paid parental leave in DC for school activities? Can you provide more information re this?