Tell me about two working parents with school age kids

[Anonymous]

Our oldest just started kindergarten and I am very quickly understanding how schools plan commitments often during the work day. My DD had orientation at 10am two Fridays ago and tomorrow she has back to school "night" bash from 3:30-5pm.

I only have 10 days PTO per year. DH works at a late stage start up, but no one else on his team has kids including his boss. Our friends' kids are all still infants/toddlers so I'm hoping to crowd source here from veteran working parents.

I'm genuinely wondering how you handle school activities with your job. Do you say hey my kid has xyz, can I duck out an hour early? Do you use your PTO? How many things do you try to make it to?

[Anonymous]

With the exception of an open house, I am not aware of many "commitments" during the work day. Our kids go to after care which runs until 6 pm. You will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Depends a lot on the school. Our kid attended a school that was very aware of parents’ work commitments. Some are not.

[Anonymous]

Whether you and DH tell work it's a school thing or an appointment is up to you. I say it's school, but my workplace is fine with that. If your DH can go to the doctor he can go to a school event sometimes.

You can't go to everything (and some parents don't go to anything) but I'd go to orientation, BTS, and any music performance or play.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t his late stage startup offer unlimited leave? Or a fat paycheck?

Either one is how you do it: he uses his unlimited leave and shows up, or he is making enough you can quit or go part time.

Most families in our neighborhood, the mom has a very part time or no job. We are dual Feds, with lots of vacation and flexibility (but lower salaries) so we both take part in the day.

You’ll see school is just the start. Most activities don’t wait till start till 6, so one of you downshifts or you hire a driving nanny.

[Anonymous]

Time for grandma to help

[Anonymous]

I am selective about what I attend. I no longer attend open houses in the middle of the day. Post-pandemic, I request virtual parent-teacher conferences that I can attend from work. If you work in DC, there is paid parental leave for school activities, though I have never used this. I do try to go to school plays (once per year per child).

[Anonymous]

In the early ES years there weren’t a ton of things in the middle of the day/before the end of the work day. We used aftercare, and came early to things like BTS when needed. It actually got to be more of a pain when the kids got older and started extracurriculars like sports/dance. Our kids hit that age during Covid, and with WFH flexibility we made it happen. We often remark on how thankful we are for the work flexibility we now have, because pre-Covid getting a kid to sports or dance by 5 pm wouldn’t have been possible.

[Anonymous]

We skipped many of these things, or had WFH flexibility to attend priority stuff 1-2x a year (like parent-teacher conferences).

There actually were not many school events during work hours, agree with the PPs above that the conflicts usually come around activities.

[Anonymous]

If you are in public school, the beginning of the school year is like this but for the rest of the school year, activities are usually in the "real" evening - i.e., after 5:30 or 6:00.

In private school (or at least at mine), things are often randomly during the day, which is really annoying. For example, one time my son had a random "sing along" at 10:00 a.m., the second day of my new job. Another time, my daughter had to perform in a play that took place at 2:00 p.m. They have a lot of 2:00 p.m. "events" that parents are invited to and then of course, you can just take your kid home when the bell rings at 3:00. Highly annoying.

Anyhow we manage it because I'm a mostly remote fed attorney and my husband works for a quasi governmental agency in the computer/cyber field where he telecommutes about 50% of the time. If it were not for that, we do not know what we would do.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it seems to me that people handle this by either having (at least) one working parent have a flexible job, grandparent, or nanny.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone this makes me feel better. DD is at public school so it sounds like it may taper off shortly (hopefully) as the year goes on.

[Anonymous]

We both had busy jobs. We missed a lot of stuff. We had a nanny who worked 3.30 to 7 pm. Even then it was a nightmare with work travel etc.

The kids have turned out ok but it wasn’t ideal. I wish we had had the wfh flexibility that many peopld have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest just started kindergarten and I am very quickly understanding how schools plan commitments often during the work day. My DD had orientation at 10am two Fridays ago and tomorrow she has back to school "night" bash from 3:30-5pm.

I only have 10 days PTO per year. DH works at a late stage start up, but no one else on his team has kids including his boss. Our friends' kids are all still infants/toddlers so I'm hoping to crowd source here from veteran working parents.

I'm genuinely wondering how you handle school activities with your job. Do you say hey my kid has xyz, can I duck out an hour early? Do you use your PTO? How many things do you try to make it to?

Do you not have any flexibility in your job/hours? I would handle this by coming in earlier/staying later, maybe even spreading that over the course of a work week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time for grandma to help

Time to sign up for before care and aftercare at school. My kids are in school from 7am-6pm with both before and aftercare!