Tell me about two working parents with school age kids

[Anonymous]

My husband has zero flexibility and I have a fairly flexible hybrid job. That ends up meaning that I sometimes work odd hours to manage school stuff. We utilize after care until 6:00/6:30 M-Th, which is a godsend. And we are selective about what you go to.

I completely agree with what PP above said - you find what works for you. Some parents do nothing, barely anyone does everything, and most families just find a selection that makes sense. BTSN and parent conferences are critical, performances are important, and everything else is icing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems to me that people handle this by either having (at least) one working parent have a flexible job, grandparent, or nanny.

Yes. Most of those school things are technically optional, but I have to have a job that's flexible because we have no family nearby to help out. And it is important to the kids to have parents show up for at least some of the things. The hardest thing is when they want to do sports and activities that have weeknight practices - constantly driving around and trying to find time to make dinner as well.

[Anonymous]

Get all dates on the calendar now.
As soon as the info from school comes out - put it on your calendar.
When classroom signups happen - sign up immediately for things that you can send your child to school with so that you do not need to drop off in the middle of the day.
Our school had monthly open houses in K and 1st grade. These typically happened in the morning right after morning bell. Do not feel guilty that you are not there - you will not be the only one. Between parents forgetting and not being able to make it there is not 100% coverage. But when you can - go.
Get the best support you can for before school and after school. Do not be penny wise - pound foolish here and try to hack bus schedules with work schedules.

[Anonymous]

As the responses in this thread tell you, women are equal to men professionally...until you have elementary school age kids, when mom is supposed to magically have a "flexible" job, or families are supposed to have a nanny or grandparents step in. When that's not possible, you have to set expectations with your kids about what you can participate in and what you will be present for.

Also, our school scheduled SO many activities and PTA-sponsored events during the school day or right after, and parents complained. Last year they started to change things and shifted the schedule for things like open house and other family nights to take place after 4 pm. It does help to speak up to make the school experience more inclusive for working families. Sports and after school activities will always take creative solutioning (friends, carpooling, outsourcing, flexible schedules).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the responses in this thread tell you, women are equal to men professionally...until you have elementary school age kids, when mom is supposed to magically have a "flexible" job, or families are supposed to have a nanny or grandparents step in. When that's not possible, you have to set expectations with your kids about what you can participate in and what you will be present for.

Also, our school scheduled SO many activities and PTA-sponsored events during the school day or right after, and parents complained. Last year they started to change things and shifted the schedule for things like open house and other family nights to take place after 4 pm. It does help to speak up to make the school experience more inclusive for working families. Sports and after school activities will always take creative solutioning (friends, carpooling, outsourcing, flexible schedules).

All of this. I’ve seen things improve over the years but when ours was little, the midday or after school meetings/events just got skipped.

[Anonymous]

There really isn’t much. There is the pre first day meet and greet, which is optional, a parent teacher conference, a few parties where helping and attending is optional, and the occasional school play.

Whether you can just leave work early and not use PTO depends on your employer. For the parent teacher conferences, sign up as soon as you can and get a pre-work slot. I always did the meet and greet because the kids loved it and I always went to the Halloween costume parade because it was important to my kids. Since my kids were all in the same school when these occurred, I missed two afternoons of work a year.

If you have a kid with special needs, that’s a different story.

[Anonymous]

It’s all focused on the first week of school, Halloween if your school still allows it, holidays, and end of year. It is a lot now but probably won’t be constant throughout the year.

[Anonymous]

You skip them.

[Anonymous]

We don't volunteer to help with stuff during the school day. Kids are 5 and 10 and I think DH did a single volunteer session when DS10 was in 1st grade. We don't volunteer to be room parents, go on field trips, etc.

And OMG parent teacher conferences are annoying - school is closed the whole day but we can't bring the kids to school for the conference. Why can't the school have the gym open for parents to drop kids during conferences or something else that makes sense for working families?

DH and I have fairly flexible jobs, but very full days. We've worked it so that at least one of us is home everyday, which means we don't need before or after care. We also have kids that need minimal oversight after school. DS5 doesn't get home from school until after 4pm and I can usually stop of the day by then. We know we're lucky and that it may not last.

[Anonymous]

As others are saying, this is really more about how much flexibility your job has. Is it rigid and in person or flexible and allows some WFH and shifting around hours?

I don't have a lot of PTO but for orientation for example, I would block off that time on my calendar and work earlier/later in the day or during that week to make up the time. I often sign on again after kids go to bed and my manager is pretty flexible. Unless I have an important meeting, it's not that hard to make time.

[Anonymous]

Being working parents is terrible. We would have structured our entire life differently if we had realized how awful it was when you don’t have local family. Would have prioritized DH career and lived cheaper places closer to his work.

That your DH refuses to take leave for childcare stuff, despite having UNLIMITED leave is absolute BS. I’m sure his peers are leaving early for pickleball league and whatever, he needs to own it and use his leave or get a better job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With the exception of an open house, I am not aware of many "commitments" during the work day. Our kids go to after care which runs until 6 pm. You will be fine.

You're not including the Halloween party, the Christmas party, the Valentines party, the fall concert, the spring concert, or the "learning showcase."
Sure, you don't HAVE to go to those, but if you don't go to at least some, your kid is gonna notice.

[Anonymous]

I have a very flexible job that, outside of certain quarterly pushes, I can do from home without needing to be available during specific hours. It’s also quite demanding. So if I have enough notice, I can block workday events out on my calendar as times where no meetings should be scheduled, and then work later to offset the time. Short-notice things are hit or miss; if I’m working from home I have better odds of being able to make them, but I also may have conflicting meetings, etc. DH has a less demanding job but works far from school and would have to use PTO to attend so he skips everything.

[Anonymous]

I think you just make peace with how you're going to handle these during the day commitments. Maybe you can never attend, and you just have to make peace with that.

For me, I try to have one family representative attend (either my husband, me or grandparents), but if we are able to attend most, but not all, that is ok with me.

I am able to flex - if I take off, I can make up that time later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest just started kindergarten and I am very quickly understanding how schools plan commitments often during the work day. My DD had orientation at 10am two Fridays ago and tomorrow she has back to school "night" bash from 3:30-5pm.

I only have 10 days PTO per year. DH works at a late stage start up, but no one else on his team has kids including his boss. Our friends' kids are all still infants/toddlers so I'm hoping to crowd source here from veteran working parents.

I'm genuinely wondering how you handle school activities with your job. Do you say hey my kid has xyz, can I duck out an hour early? Do you use your PTO? How many things do you try to make it to?

We need to dig more into your DH situation. He refuses to use his leave because no one else has kids?