Hating newborn is this normal- first time mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

Why are you so invested in the belief that all women must enjoy the newborn things and its unexpected and abnormal to be miserable and have emotional disregulation when you're extremely sleep deprived with a difficult baby. Your pushing that if you don't like it you're somehow not doing it right, is the reason that on top of not liking it so many women carry huge guilt and shame about that instead of just calling in the help them need to power through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

WHOOSH! You didn't even know what your were commenting about!!! The original was "Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t."

Follow along....

[Anonymous]

PPD is real we've covered that but what is not being discussed much is maybe OP thought she wanted a baby and turns out she didn't or her expectations of motherhood were wrong. The pushing it down her throat thing is not cool though. There a plenty of woman who have gotten treatment for PPD and therapy and still don't feel bonded, connected or close to their babies. Motherhood is not for everyone. Hopefully things will improve for the OP but if they don't I hope OP feels comfortable to share that she still feels like she's not connected without the masses telling her she's wrong or sick with PPD for her feelings. That's not ok.

[Anonymous]

OP, one thing that helped me was
-getting real sleep - 5+ hours a stretch but ideally more. Yes it is possible even with newborns. Which brings me to...
-weaning from breastfeeding; it's not for everyone and if you feel this grim, you need to do whatever you can to get a full night's sleep and regulate your hormones. Breastfeeding often is counter to both those goals.
-Get as MUCH HELP AS POSSIBLE. Some people really hate having family visit with a new baby but I was not one of those people. My mom, dad, in-laws, siblings all helped hold, feed and care for the baby and it helped me immensely.
-Get outside the house every day no matter the weather, and have some baby-free time every day. No, showering and using the toilet, basic needs, chores do not count.
-Talk to moms of older kids and have some tangible things to look forward to.
-Have a place you can set the baby down. Bouncer seat, playpen, swing, etc. Playpens are underrated in this era! Baby-wear in a carrier if it helps you feel more free to move around.
-If baby is screaming, follow the "S's" in Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block - swaddle, suckle, etc. Go through a checklist: Diaper, hungry, cold....
-If you feel angry, WALK AWAY and put the baby somewhere safe and take a breath. Look up "box breathing", it really does calm you down instantly.

I promise it gets MUCH better. I hated the newborn stage and I had a good sleeper!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

WHOOSH! You didn't even know what your were commenting about!!! The original was "Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t."

Follow along....

That is exactly what I am commenting on. It's not a normal feeling.

[Anonymous]

*Hugs*

You definitely sound depressed.
Please get help asap.

You need help and not just a therapist but perhaps someone who can assist in taking care of baby while you take care of you. I know that’s a luxury for some.

I haven’t read all of the posts and I’m not aware of your circumstances but if a friend, family member or even good neighbor offers help; please take them up on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

Amen.

Motherhood isn’t all a bed of roses. So many thorns. So many …

[Anonymous]

Op, hugs, you need sleep period.
If your partner can make sure you get 5-7 sleep hours per night! Either they do night feed or hire a sitter, night nurse, or home health aid.

SO in the "old days", the first month in our culture. We are suppose to have ginger with chicken and rice WINE...for like hundred of years! It made sense so mothers can get a good night sleep, I mean I don't recommend it but whatever you can do to get some zzzzzz is your solution. If that doesn't work after a week, go see your doctor for PPD meds.

Congras! You will love your baby, especially 17 years later, I promise you look at one of those sleepless night pics, you will lone for those night, lol..xoxo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

I’d bet my life on it you didn’t have a baby who woke every 5-30 minutes for 18 MONTHS like mine did. You just have absolutely no idea what this level of sleep deprivation does to you. You don’t get it. And I’m glad you don’t or society wouldn’t be functional if every woman and baby experienced The level of trauma around sleep that we did. I couldn’t even get help at night because my baby has such baby stranger danger she never would (and at 2 still won’t) settle for anyone else, just screams until throwing up), and our help all compassionately quit.

I did get help and therapy and I was still insanely depressed and angry and dysregulated because I got no sleep for over a year. You just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

I can’t believe you wrote this and thought “yeah, send it out!” In a thread by a woman clearly suffering from PPD. How about keeping your mouth shut if you don’t have anything positive to add? Women really hate other women, huh?

[Anonymous]

Oh and I want to add: all the thoughts of harm went away 100% the day baby stopped waking a billion times and dropped to a more manageable 5-10. I loved her immensely. Sleep is a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

Why are you so invested in the belief that all women must enjoy the newborn things and its unexpected and abnormal to be miserable and have emotional disregulation when you're extremely sleep deprived with a difficult baby. Your pushing that if you don't like it you're somehow not doing it right, is the reason that on top of not liking it so many women carry huge guilt and shame about that instead of just calling in the help them need to power through it.

Yeahhh wanting to Lindsay Clancey your kid is not normal. If you don’t understand that…yikes. Get your kids out of your house stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

Why are you so invested in the belief that all women must enjoy the newborn things and its unexpected and abnormal to be miserable and have emotional disregulation when you're extremely sleep deprived with a difficult baby. Your pushing that if you don't like it you're somehow not doing it right, is the reason that on top of not liking it so many women carry huge guilt and shame about that instead of just calling in the help them need to power through it.

Yeahhh wanting to Lindsay Clancey your kid is not normal. If you don’t understand that…yikes. Get your kids out of your house stat.

This, this, this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

Why are you so invested in the belief that all women must enjoy the newborn things and its unexpected and abnormal to be miserable and have emotional disregulation when you're extremely sleep deprived with a difficult baby. Your pushing that if you don't like it you're somehow not doing it right, is the reason that on top of not liking it so many women carry huge guilt and shame about that instead of just calling in the help them need to power through it.

Yeahhh wanting to Lindsay Clancey your kid is not normal. If you don’t understand that…yikes. Get your kids out of your house stat.

Actually, I think part of LC’s illness was that she expected herself to be “obsessed” and “so in love” and she wasn’t.

But that’s an extreme outlier. Better mental health care can prevent most tragedies. So OP is doing the right thing! Best wishes to her!

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone is telling you it’s PPD and it’s brain chemistry. I understand why.

There’s also the chance that you’re simply very unhappy because of a terrible situation. A lot of women dislike having a baby but it’s not socially acceptable to share this. You destroyed your body, can’t go to work, aren’t sleeping well or at all, can’t go to social functions etc…of course you’re unhappy! It’s a major life change and isn’t necessarily a chemical imbalance.

Regardless get help. But not just for PPD. Try to find a sitter, night nurse, anyone who can give you a break, even if it’s short. Even just going for a manicure or a coffee will help your mood. Try to start exercising with the baby as that can help and is a break from holding the baby. Also babies cry and make sure putting the baby down in a safe place even if the baby cries.

I very very very much second this comment. I had (have, but it’s better) a hellaciously bad sleeper and went for months surviving on 1-2 hours broken sleep a night. I loved her but thought about harming my newborn and myself every night. This started when she hit the 4 month sleep regression and never slept again so it wasn’t even hormonal PPD because my hormones had already stabilized. My therapist said I was having a normal reaction to the incredible stress of getting no sleep and having a very high needs baby.

Get help, OP. Night nurses are a godsend and you should hire one tomorrow if sleep isn’t going well. Get time off during the day, too, even if you just use it to sit and do nothing. PPD is real but sometimes having a baby is just unexpectedly hard.

What in the what. No, it is not normal to hate your baby. I had a super rough time with sleep in the beginning to the point where I was so exhausted I was sobbing hysterically in the shower very morning and hearing things that weren’t there. I was never less than 100% obsessed with my baby and never dreamed of harming him.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings, it is not normal. It is a symptom of ppd. We should not normalize this. I am so glad OP is getting help, please stop trying to make hating and wanting to harm your own baby out to be normal. It is not.

Please stop. Not all women love being a mom and having a baby. They just don’t.

This!!! It's a huge secret!!!

It really isn't. I know a very slim minority have a lot of incentive to try to convince themselves this is true, but it isn't. If you are having these feelings you likely have PPD and should tell someone and get help, like OP has very admirably done.

Only women would be told they have a chemical imbalance because they are unhappy they were given a sack of potatoes they can’t leave, forced to quit their job, have 30 pounds to lose, can’t socialize with friends, have something attached to their boob all day and are bleeding for six weeks straight.

I would say go to therapy but it sounds like you’ve been and have been victim to the “woe is you, you have it so hard, do whatever makes you feel good honey” therapist. Real therapy is learning how to be content in circumstances (life) that is always out of your control. Kids are hard. Oh well, you have one. Change your mentality.

Why are you so invested in the belief that all women must enjoy the newborn things and its unexpected and abnormal to be miserable and have emotional disregulation when you're extremely sleep deprived with a difficult baby. Your pushing that if you don't like it you're somehow not doing it right, is the reason that on top of not liking it so many women carry huge guilt and shame about that instead of just calling in the help them need to power through it.

Yeahhh wanting to Lindsay Clancey your kid is not normal. If you don’t understand that…yikes. Get your kids out of your house stat.

Actually, I think part of LC’s illness was that she expected herself to be “obsessed” and “so in love” and she wasn’t.

But that’s an extreme outlier. Better mental health care can prevent most tragedies. So OP is doing the right thing! Best wishes to her!

Uhh…you ok?? Text a friend. Call your mom. Being letdown by expectations is not an excuse to strangle your children to death. That’s certainly…a take