Odd that I don't want a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like a very small wedding and a larger party later. Not quite a reception. More a big get together but you do need to tell folks it’s post wedding somehow so they come..right? We just want to see friends and have a good time that’s less formal.





My mother in law is elderly and a source of great stress to my partner (she’s mentally unwell and abusive to home). If I could find someone to be her chaperone and take her home post ceremony that would be ideal.

I don’t get it. Your wedding can be however informal you want. We had a full fledged wedding (married by judge then reception all in the same room) serving brunch and mimosas. There’s nothing stopping you from having the exact level of formality you want.

I don’t want a public ceremony.

My in laws are unstable. My partner would invite them out of responsibility but we can caretaker them on a large group of people.

I respect he wants them there (or really he wants his mother there and she won’t come with the crew). They can come to courthouse but would be a lot of extra stress to any reception. They aren’t good with multiple people. The dynamic is very sad.

We deserve a break, we do a lot of caretaking.

Plus we’re not young, a big wedding and reception would be odd. We don’t need a registry or gifts.

I don't understand the age discrimination. Old people don't have family and friends?

I’m the older bride. Of course I have friends ding dong….hence the party.

NP. I don’t think it would be odd to have a wedding when you’re older…why would it be? Maybe a registry would be weird, but not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women who say this think they get brownie points for "not being like other girls" or something.

Yes. You, personally, are the only woman on this earth who doesn't care about weddings.

Or maybe some of us are introverted, don’t like parties, and don’t want to be the center of attention?

NP. True introverts would just do what they wanted to do, such as elope or justice of the peace, and not start an attention-seeking thread. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women who say this think they get brownie points for "not being like other girls" or something.

Yes. You, personally, are the only woman on this earth who doesn't care about weddings.

Or maybe some of us are introverted, don’t like parties, and don’t want to be the center of attention?

NP. True introverts would just do what they wanted to do, such as elope or justice of the peace, and not start an attention-seeking thread. Do you get it?

Now that's an interesting topic: whether being an introvert IRL translates to anonymous forums. I'm one of the introverts who doesn't want a big wedding. I don't like real name social media either. I'm a 90s kid and I still prefer old school message boards like this with anonymous posting or screen names. I'm not as shy here as IRL, but I probably wouldn't post a controversial or attention seeking thread either.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I got married at the courthouse with a couple of close friends as witnesses. We both have close relationships with our families and have many, many people who would have loved to celebrate with us, but for our relationship, it we wanted to focus on what we were commuting to each other.

It’s been 15 years and we are still very much in love and going strong. I don't regret that decision at all. But looking back, I wish I could have worked in a way to include our parents (although that would have meant plane tickets and transportation and hotels and all that jazz - which is what we were trying to avoid). I also wish we had hired a professional photographer. I had a good friend who takes very good pictures do the pictures but there’s really nothing that I feel I can display and show our kids.

OP, I don’t think you mention if you are engaged or even seriously dating anybody, but each relationship is different and each couple needs to decide together what makes sense for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women who say this think they get brownie points for "not being like other girls" or something.

Yes. You, personally, are the only woman on this earth who doesn't care about weddings.

Or maybe some of us are introverted, don’t like parties, and don’t want to be the center of attention?

NP. True introverts would just do what they wanted to do, such as elope or justice of the peace, and not start an attention-seeking thread. Do you get it?

NP. Starting an anonymous thread online from the comfort of your sofa is not extroversion.

[Anonymous]

Not odd. I didn't either and caved. To this day, it makes me mad that we spent so much money on a wedding. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

I had all of those things, AND a family who wanted to spend a hundred grand on a wedding. I didn't want one.
I fantasized about a wedding when I was a teen but by the time I actually started dating I wanted something small and low key.

?? A small and low key wedding is… a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As mentioned in the title, is it odd that I don't want a wedding? The idea of even a small wedding with just family isn't appealing with the planning and booking involved in picking a city, venue, food, accommodations, dress, hair, make-up, photographer, etc. I think I would rather elope.

I went to the courthouse. I despise being the center of attention. I had zero interest in a wedding.

We spend our money on a honeymoon instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were both getting married for the first time, close to friends and family and early 30s and we chose to plan an elopement to Hawaii. We did not want to deal with all of the wedding big-business stuff. We did end up having a dinner reception a month later in a restaurant for our friends and family (about 60 people). We felt like doing it this way we could focus better on our marriage and life together instead of a ridiculously overpriced, overhyped party.

My wedding was exactly like your party except a judge came to the restaurant. So you ended up spending way more flying to Hawaii to do what could have just been the actual wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before the monstrous wedding industry got started, it was very common to marry in mom and dad’s living room with just parents and siblings and other immediate relatives in attendance. It was also very common to marry at the courthouse or in a very small ceremony with just a witness and clergy.

Neither of these things were considered shameful, and eloping (like for generations of young English and Welsh people who eloped to Gretna Green) was only shameful if you had controlling parents who poured on the shame.

As much as most of the women here probably bought into the marriage industry that Bride magazine et al. have been selling for decades, lavish weddings were historically for the elite and were very much not the norm for regular folks.

Nowadays the average wedding is $27k, marriage is on the decline and many who marry start their marriages in deep debt unless they have parents able to splash out all the cash. The pressure to put on the perfect show is apparently intense among the sort of people who buy into that stuff. Then you fill an album with expensive photos that maybe get looked at a few times by your kids, and start the long slow process of watching your love die over the decades.

Meanwhile research shows that the cheaper the wedding, the longer the marriage lasts. So if you are the sort who doesn’t want a big dog and pony show to accompany your exchange of vows, don’t let anyone shame you on that count.

Once upon a time is was conspicuous consumption that was shameful.

I really doubt any high quality replicated study shows this but you want to believe it so you’ll keep saying it either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women who say this think they get brownie points for "not being like other girls" or something.

Yes. You, personally, are the only woman on this earth who doesn't care about weddings.

Actually, no. I felt really self-conscious about not wanting a wedding. When I told other women they usually looked at me like I had three heads. I hated having to say it to people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

I had all of those things, AND a family who wanted to spend a hundred grand on a wedding. I didn't want one.
I fantasized about a wedding when I was a teen but by the time I actually started dating I wanted something small and low key.

?? A small and low key wedding is… a wedding.

I didn't say I wanted a small and low key wedding, I said I wanted something small and low key. Like going to City Hall and then out to dinner with some friends. That's not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before the monstrous wedding industry got started, it was very common to marry in mom and dad’s living room with just parents and siblings and other immediate relatives in attendance. It was also very common to marry at the courthouse or in a very small ceremony with just a witness and clergy.

Neither of these things were considered shameful, and eloping (like for generations of young English and Welsh people who eloped to Gretna Green) was only shameful if you had controlling parents who poured on the shame.

As much as most of the women here probably bought into the marriage industry that Bride magazine et al. have been selling for decades, lavish weddings were historically for the elite and were very much not the norm for regular folks.

Nowadays the average wedding is $27k, marriage is on the decline and many who marry start their marriages in deep debt unless they have parents able to splash out all the cash. The pressure to put on the perfect show is apparently intense among the sort of people who buy into that stuff. Then you fill an album with expensive photos that maybe get looked at a few times by your kids, and start the long slow process of watching your love die over the decades.

Meanwhile research shows that the cheaper the wedding, the longer the marriage lasts. So if you are the sort who doesn’t want a big dog and pony show to accompany your exchange of vows, don’t let anyone shame you on that count.

Once upon a time is was conspicuous consumption that was shameful.

I really doubt any high quality replicated study shows this but you want to believe it so you’ll keep saying it either way.

Hey, it works for Trump!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

I had all of those things, AND a family who wanted to spend a hundred grand on a wedding. I didn't want one.
I fantasized about a wedding when I was a teen but by the time I actually started dating I wanted something small and low key.

?? A small and low key wedding is… a wedding.

I didn't say I wanted a small and low key wedding, I said I wanted something small and low key. Like going to City Hall and then out to dinner with some friends. That's not a wedding.

Absolutely bizarre. You’re describing a small and low key ceremony and reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

I had all of those things, AND a family who wanted to spend a hundred grand on a wedding. I didn't want one.
I fantasized about a wedding when I was a teen but by the time I actually started dating I wanted something small and low key.

?? A small and low key wedding is… a wedding.

I didn't say I wanted a small and low key wedding, I said I wanted something small and low key. Like going to City Hall and then out to dinner with some friends. That's not a wedding.

Absolutely bizarre. You’re describing a small and low key ceremony and reception.

Grabbing dinner with friends on a Tuesday evening is a "reception"? Who knew.