To those who struggled to send their kids to a Big 3-like school - did it turn out to be "worth it."

[Anonymous]

To 13:25 poster: Has your child taken ERBs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we're running up against the limits of an anonymous forum. Readers don't know how to judge the credibility of posters and posters are reluctant to provide too many details when they don't know who might be reading them. On top of this we've got gridlock over the objective v. anecdotal evidence issue. The paralysis makes for more heat than light.

Actually, I thought we'd just gotten to the point where everyone acknowledged that personal experiences are all we have to go on wrt this question, given the lack of available data. And, frankly, personal experiences is what the OP asked for. So tell your tales and give your impressions. They can all be true (even when they seem to contradict each other) and we can all make our own assessments of whose POV we're most likely to share and what, if anything, we can conclude from everything we've heard. It's all just more info -- assuming there's at least some detail rather than just a conclusion. And it's not that hard to be relatively concrete about the kinds of things that concern or please you about the school without giving away your own or your DCs' identities.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend going public for elementary and looking at "the Big Three" for middle or high school when you know more about your child's learning style and can pick the right school. Most public elementary schools are just fine, and I think the kids get a nice sense of community.

[Anonymous]

unless the elementary public school isn't as strong as a private lower school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend going public for elementary and looking at "the Big Three" for middle or high school when you know more about your child's learning style and can pick the right school. Most public elementary schools are just fine, and I think the kids get a nice sense of community.

I agree, from personal experience. We found that our local public elementary prepared our DC very well for entry in 7th grade to a top private. And, no, I do not believe that the public elementary has be be "as good" as the private elementary in order for the education in a public elementary to be an option.

I hope everyone will continue to post their opinions based on their experiences at schools. I do not agree with the idea that, in order to post here, one has to support an opinion with objective data. I can find the objective data as well as anyone lese; what I want from this forum is others' views. I can make my own judgements about the credibility or value of a post. I wouldn't want SAM2's request, that posters give evidence supporting their opinions, to havb a chilling effect on the haring of opinions in this forum.

[SAM2]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want SAM2's request, that posters give evidence supporting their opinions, to havb a chilling effect on the haring of opinions in this forum.

I agree with not wanting to chill opinions. And I definitely don't think anyone ought to limit herself to objective data. But I do think opinions are much more useful if they are (1) detailed, and (2) sourced.

For example, if someone just posts that "GDS lower school stinks!" without more, I consider that completely useless and quite possibly misinformation. It's much more credible and useful if people will post something like "my child went through GDS lower school, and I found the math and language arts teaching to be terrible and really no better than my child could have received in a local public school!" And of course if you can show that your personal opinions/experiences are supported by other corroborating data ("and recently 15 teachers quit the lower school too!"), that would lend more credibility.

(By the way, in case it's not obvious, I am completely making up those statements about GDS and just using them as an example. I have no reason to doubt its strength as a school. It seems like a great place.)

[Anonymous]

I agree with SAM2. Anecdotes can provide valuable info. But we don't know how much weight to give any post - lots of weight, some, or no weight - unless we know the poster either has a kid at the school or knows a few kids there.

Yes, I could lie and post, "I had a kid at GDS but I took him out because it stinks." But somehow I think people are less likely to make up stuff about themselves and their kids, as opposed to trash-talking a school.

[Anonymous]

11:04 here again. My frustration is that a few posters on DCUM (not necessarily although maybe this thread) post obvious BS about schools they know nothing about. Probably many of you share this frustration. If we could all just be a little more careful about sourcing our info and providing details (where it doesn't identify anybody), then the trolls who post "GDS sucks!" would stand out like sore thumbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having just cut a check for my rising second grader's very expensive Big-3 private school, and looking at our overall finances knowing how close we are cutting it financially, I would love to hear from parents who made it all the way through to graduation, and looking back thought it worth the "investment," notwithstanding all the related pain and suffering making ends meet. I am most interested in hearing from those similarly situated - i.e., barely making tuition payments, not being able to save for college, and making all other conceivable sacrifices. Yes, I am looking for inspiring stories, but I suppose if you have something at the other end of the spectrum, I might as well hear that too.

Thank you for listening and, I hope, responding.

Maybe it's a good time to step back and re-read the original post (quoted above).

I feel for OP. She wasn't in a decision-making position (already cut the check) -- just looking for some support.

We're not struggling financially with tuition and, honestly, I don't know what choice we'd make if we were.

But here's why lower school has felt worth it to me -- my kid has learned more and seemingly effortlessly than I ever learned from school at her age. I think most kids start out scientists (the early years of child development look like an endless series of experiments whose goal is to deduce rules from recurring patterns!), but most lose that interest with schooling, in part from being steered toward skills acquisition in math and reading during those early years. My kid hasn't. Science multiple times a week since PreK has not only kept her interest alive, it's fostered an analytic bent that shapes her thinking in other realms. Scientific method at an early age is good for you -- even if you don't end up a scientist, LOL! She also loves languages -- not just her native one. And she sees herself as a writer (and a maker, a doer, a creator) rather than as smart/a quick study/a good student. She also tends to see herself as her own agenda-setter (not always fun from a parental perspective, I admit, but a quality that I admire and that will serve her well down the line.)

Would her math and reading scores be just as good if she had gone to public schools? No doubt. Would going to public school hurt her chances of admission to a great college? No -- in fact, in her case, it might well enhance them. So if the question is "Do/did I need to invest $30,000 starting from PreK to maximize my DC's test scores and prospects for college admission?" The answer is no -- in that sense the "investment" isn't "worth it."

But those aren't the dividends, so to speak, I was hoping to reap. I'm getting what I paid for -- which is a kid with a much broader and deeper exposure from a much earlier age to a variety of kinds of knowledge than I had; a kid who naturally feels competent/capable of mastery but whose assessments of whether something is done well aren't generally shaped (limited?) by her classmates' performance or her teacher's reaction. A kid who is articulate and comfortable with adults and whose mode of interaction tends to be to contribute rather than to show off or to opt out. These are all qualities I've seen nurtured, valued, and modeled at her school. And which I see as relatively rare in our culture.

I'm not saying every private school (and no public school) gives you these things. Nor am I saying that every kid at this particular private school takes away from it what my kid has. Or that this is what other parents want or should want or expect to get from their schools.

Bottom line: to figure out whether it's "worth it" to you, start by looking at your DC -- is s/he happy? turning out to be the kind of person you'd hoped? If so, to what extent do you think that the school has contributed to that outcome? What did you want/expect from the school? Are you getting it? Does it support the things you value (and struggle to achieve)? Does it throw different things into the mix than you would have but that you appreciate? If so, could you say the same thing about your local public?

[Anonymous]

If someone is really a troll, they'd lie without compunction about whether they had a kid at a particular school. So I don't see how that solves the problem.

Personally, I usually don't find it that hard to sort the wheat from the chaff. If the post is substantive, intelligent, and detailed, I'll pay more attention to it. If I can't tell whether the poster knows what s/he's opining about (and I care), I ask for detail. Sometimes the detail is provided; sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's obvious BS if you're an insider; sometimes it's credible. And if it's credible and you care, there are ways to check it out IRL.

[Anonymous]

Why would the OP do this at the expense of saving for college? What good is a stellar K-12 education if your child can't then attend the best college he/she gets into, or has to be saddled with heavy loans.

I am not anti-private school, but I don't think its more important than going to a good college without the stress of how to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend going public for elementary and looking at "the Big Three" for middle or high school when you know more about your child's learning style and can pick the right school. Most public elementary schools are just fine, and I think the kids get a nice sense of community.

I agree, from personal experience. We found that our local public elementary prepared our DC very well for entry in 7th grade to a top private. And, no, I do not believe that the public elementary has be be "as good" as the private elementary in order for the education in a public elementary to be an option.

I hope everyone will continue to post their opinions based on their experiences at schools. I do not agree with the idea that, in order to post here, one has to support an opinion with objective data. I can find the objective data as well as anyone lese; what I want from this forum is others' views. I can make my own judgements about the credibility or value of a post. I wouldn't want SAM2's request, that posters give evidence supporting their opinions, to havb a chilling effect on the haring of opinions in this forum.

There are not many spots available at the middle school leve which is why ppl start enrolling in the younger grades. Many of the DC publics have good elem. and then the middle and HS are less desirable making many more students vying for the very few avail spots. I wouldn't necessarily bank on doing this since I know several that were in a horrible situation at the middle school level and couldn't get into any privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would the OP do this at the expense of saving for college? What good is a stellar K-12 education if your child can't then attend the best college he/she gets into, or has to be saddled with heavy loans.

I am not anti-private school, but I don't think its more important than going to a good college without the stress of how to pay for it.

The trend among the most well-endowed private colleges is to eliminate loans and give grants instead. And to extend eligibility for FA to middle class families.

If you live in VA, there are a few great state schools for college.

And college is the new HS -- what really matters is where you go to grad school!!

Also, private LS/MS plus public HS (just bank those last 4 years of private school tuition that you're used to paying and then use them for college) is the best strategy for some kids.

Finally, depending on parents' age and the stage they're at in their careers, private school tuition may predictably get more affordable over time. So you might decide to put up with a few years where it's a stretch knowing you can handle it (and that this is what you want) over the long haul.

In a totally different vein (though I didn't get this vibe from OP), there are kids who will be turned on or off school in the primary grades and that will have a lasting impact. In such cases, choosing the right elementary school can feel very high-stakes. And if it works out, well begun is half-done. Once your kid is an enthusiastic and capable learner, school choice in the upper grades may matter less.

[Anonymous]

But people who are paying private tuition for one or more kids are probably not going to qualify for grants. The schools will probably say, heck, you forked out $35 last year in tuition, you can do it again with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would the OP do this at the expense of saving for college? What good is a stellar K-12 education if your child can't then attend the best college he/she gets into, or has to be saddled with heavy loans.

I am not anti-private school, but I don't think its more important than going to a good college without the stress of how to pay for it.

The trend among the most well-endowed private colleges is to eliminate loans and give grants instead. And to extend eligibility for FA to middle class families.

If you live in VA, there are a few great state schools for college.

And college is the new HS -- what really matters is where you go to grad school!!

Also, private LS/MS plus public HS (just bank those last 4 years of private school tuition that you're used to paying and then use them for college) is the best strategy for some kids.

Finally, depending on parents' age and the stage they're at in their careers, private school tuition may predictably get more affordable over time. So you might decide to put up with a few years where it's a stretch knowing you can handle it (and that this is what you want) over the long haul.

In a totally different vein (though I didn't get this vibe from OP), there are kids who will be turned on or off school in the primary grades and that will have a lasting impact. In such cases, choosing the right elementary school can feel very high-stakes. And if it works out, well begun is half-done. Once your kid is an enthusiastic and capable learner, school choice in the upper grades may matter less.

I don't get the rational of public HS after 8+ years of private school. And for those in the District...the HS is when the private school is more critical given the quality of most DC HS. It's like throwing them to the wolves the last 4 years. The environment is also a biggie for young teens and what type of influences are around them....