To those who struggled to send their kids to a Big 3-like school - did it turn out to be "worth it."

[Anonymous]

Having just cut a check for my rising second grader's very expensive Big-3 private school, and looking at our overall finances knowing how close we are cutting it financially, I would love to hear from parents who made it all the way through to graduation, and looking back thought it worth the "investment," notwithstanding all the related pain and suffering making ends meet. I am most interested in hearing from those similarly situated - i.e., barely making tuition payments, not being able to save for college, and making all other conceivable sacrifices. Yes, I am looking for inspiring stories, but I suppose if you have something at the other end of the spectrum, I might as well hear that too.

Thank you for listening and, I hope, responding.

[Anonymous]

I want to warn you, kindly, that there are very very few parents on DCUM with high-school graduates.

[Anonymous]

I will chime in, even though we are not even at the end of the elementary school decision. I do ask myself this question frequently though and have eventually made peace with it. For me, what mattered was the alternative - a not so great local public - we are in the district and not in bounds for any of JKLM. So my daughter gets more recess time, less standardized testing, healthier school lunches, more science, more music, more art, more PE, a higher quality after school program, and enrichments right in the school. Academically, she is a bright kid, that would have learned to read and mulitply almost no matter what school she was in, so we opted for private more for a richer school experience than she would have received in her local public school. Even if she had gone to one of JKLM we would probably be spending more on additional enrichments and I am not sure of what we would have done in terms of after care versus hiring a nanny or childminder, plus we would have needed to send lunch. These items would add up - so I discount somewhat the tuition bill and tell myself that the private school is really only x extra over a public option.
What do you mean by worth it? getting into a great college? who knows where she will end up but I do want her to enjoy the journey there!
My constant worry is saving for college - we do have some money saved but in reality it is not enough according to the college saving calculators, especially for a private college. However, since we are already paying tuition for school I figure we still have that much room in out budget each year to put towards the college tuition. It will not be enough but the little extra savings we have will help and then we can either borrow or hope for scholarships. There are many great public universities out there and hopefully, the DC money for college program will still be there and then we can afford a great public university.

[Anonymous]

Ultimately, it boils down to who their life-long friends are and that is extremely dependent on the school they attend.

[Anonymous]

I am with 14:22 (pp notwithstanding). While we would be in-bounds for a JKLM type school, and we have many wonderful friends whose children attend those schools, because of the NCLB/Testing issues, it simply isn't the academic experience we wanted for our kids, and we were fortunate that they were admitted to a school that we they have been very happy.

Yes, writing that tuition check each year is tough, but when we meet with the teachers, read the reports, and see the kids in action, and talk to them about their days, we feel like it is money well spent. Indeed, I am not sure what would be a better use of hard earned, non-disposable money than your kids.

And as the PPP said, who knows where they will go after 12th grade, but the journey there should be enriching and enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

We are at a Big 3 school. We have been disappointed with our experience so far. Teachers have been not been of high quality, administration has been unresponsive. When we started asking around, it turned out that there were other disappointed parents. There are also a lot of uninvolved parents who don't notice how bad the teachers were. These parents show up for events but aren't thinking about their kid. There are parents who don't dare complain about the teachers, even in their own heads, because they think public school is just a terrible choice for various reasons. And I will say that the school really does seem to work for some kids and families, so everyone is not disappointed. Trying to figure out what to do about all this!

[Anonymous]

Take you kid(s) out of the school is the obvious answer.

[Anonymous]

Done correctly, public schools can be the best option. However there are a few criteria that we should keep in mind no matter where our children attend school.

Parents need to be involved

Help our children with their homework and keep them on track. We have to ourselves emphasize a love of learning to our children. It's work, but it's something we must do.

Some teachers are better than others. Try to get your children in classes taught by teachers who are fair and demanding.

If you opt to attend public schools use some of the money you save for other types of educational enrichment. With the money you'll save you could take them once a year on a short trip to London, Rome, or Paris. Even just few days in one of these great cities is valuable. See some of the great architecture, monuments, and museums of the world.

In the short term although you've probably been to all of the Smithsonian Museums in town, it might be a good idea to go back because the exhibits change.

Also, within a hundred miles of D.C. there are dozens of Revolutionary War and Civil War battles sites that are highly educational.

What we learn and what we experience can never be lost or taken away from us.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. I have come to the conclusion that these private schools have much better extras, but the basic core subjects are the same as (maybe worse) in any of the better DC publics or MoCo publics.
I am not impressed with the quality of our private school teachers. So many of them just don't get that parenst are watching. They also have no metric to measure their own success since NCLB is not there. I am amazed at the lack of proficiency in the profession of teaching.

[Anonymous]

Most posters on DCUM are beyond elementary school, however I've one in MS and one in ES, both in DCPS until now. It's, in my opinion, a real crap-shoot investing in ANY private before 6th grade. We're transferring for 7th for the older to WIS, and could have held out until 9. There is not a lot of difference from the child's perspective between private and public, except that in public they have more structure, more exposure to kids from all races, economic levels and backgrounds (and with that a depth of understanding), and finally, the dreaded "testing". Most kids are bright and most enjoy the testing opportunities when they are young, and it's a great barometer for parents to gage their own kids progress. In private schools, Ive heard from friends paying through the nose in lower grades about extra tutoring, assessing, labeling in order to keep them from being "ex-missioned". So, my experience to you is that you've nothing to lose and much to gain (esp. for your child and your finances) by putting off private until it's clear it's clear another educational experience is calling that child's particular name. We never would have guessed WIS would be the right fit for our kid years back, when we thought he was an STA or Landon type. He's more international and arts focused, who knew. Unless your DCPS option is really below par go for a good one, you won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In private schools, Ive heard from friends paying through the nose in lower grades about extra tutoring, assessing, labeling in order to keep them from being "ex-missioned". .

So much for privates being able to educate the "whole child". If you do not keep up we will get rid of you and that will be such an embarrassment for your family. We are already making sure you feel out because your family is not rich enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, it boils down to who their life-long friends are and that is extremely dependent on the school they attend.

Are you saying lifelong friendships can never be made in a public school.
Or are you saying that the lifelong friendship friend might travel by bus in a public school instead of drive a mercedes in a private school

[Anonymous]

My DS experienced the drop of a very good friend who went to one of the "Big 3." He apparently decided my DS was good enough to stay friends with since he was not part of his new school. They had been friends for a very long time and the school is one of those that professes to treat everyone with kindness. So much for inclusiveness.

[Anonymous]

I meant "not good enough"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most posters on DCUM are beyond elementary school, however I've one in MS and one in ES, both in DCPS until now. It's, in my opinion, a real crap-shoot investing in ANY private before 6th grade. We're transferring for 7th for the older to WIS, and could have held out until 9. There is not a lot of difference from the child's perspective between private and public, except that in public they have more structure, more exposure to kids from all races, economic levels and backgrounds (and with that a depth of understanding), and finally, the dreaded "testing".

Not what we've heard from kids who left (JKLM schools in) DCPS by 3rd or 4th to go to my DC's private. Big difference -- esp in science, foreign language, and level of challenge/excitement. (For what it's worth, this particular private is also more racially and culturally diverse than this particular public.) And unless your older DC is bilingual, for example, s/he got a different education in DCPS than s/he would have gotten in the lower grades at WIS.

That said, none of this will be true for all kids or all privates. But I don't think it's a crapshoot either -- it's clear, for example, that WIS has a bilingual curriculum in the lower school (and it's also clear to any individual parent whether or not their public elementary school can provide that). I didn't find it hard to figure out which privates had more of what I was looking for compared to our local public -- nor did I find it hard to tell which probably didn't!

Certainly a kid can enter private in MS or HS and do well. For some, admission will be easier at that stage than at K; for others, harder. And, of course a kid can stay in public for MS and HS and do well. There's no inherent need to send children to private school at any particular point -- or ever. That said, there are arguments both ways as to whether if you want a mix of public and private, when to do which. I agree that, wrt DCPS, some elementary programs are more competitive with the privates than any of the MSs (or the vast majority of) HSs are. OTOH, none of the local privates can compete with TJ, so if you lived in Fairfax and had a math/science kid who could get it, HS might well look like the time to LEAVE private.

Bottom line is it's never an abstract decision between public vs. private and at which level. It's a decision about what's right/works best for a particular kid and family when choosing among the schools actually available to them.