11-12 girls so poised

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was watching kids at my son’s swim team’s award banquet and the girls look so poised compared to the 11-12 boys. They wore cute sundresses, some had heels on, others with light makeup. The boys were just so awkward in comparison. They made nice speeches but team work and thanked the coaches. Meanwhile the boys just mumbled, some kids cracked some jokes. When did this happen?!

America is now a matriarchal society.

[Anonymous]

Girls have always been innately more socially skilled than boys, but I also think there's an upbringing component. We expect more from girls than from boys when it comes to manners and other social graces. I have a girl who is naturally awkward, and less socially graceful than most other girls, so we have had to really work with her to develop social skills. I have plenty of friends with sons who are even more socially awkward than my daughter, but none of them seem especially concerned and none of them seem to be working as hard as I am on teaching manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice this too! But less in terms of their appearances and more in their bearing. I have an 8 yo DD and when I was a kid, 11-12 yo girls were giggly and awkward or even rude around adults.

The only word for the 11-12 yo girls I know from the pool and school these past few summers is “poised”! I fully agree with you, OP. I feel bad because I can’t figure out what is pressuring them to have it so together- are expectations that high? Have we conditioned them to be like this? I appreciate it but it’s also unnerving. They speak to me with a graciousness and back-and-forth ease that many of my adult acquaintances can’t manage.

The boys, on the other hand, don’t seem to be any different than they were in 1992. For all I know, the stuff I hear poolside might have been recorded when I was in middle school and is getting replayed on the speakers. It’s comforting in its own way.

This comment struck me. I have one of these girls and it's not because of pressure. She had terrible anxiety as a young child - like, sitting in the corner crying at a friend's birthday party and not being able to join in type anxiety. As she's matured, that's lessened and now she is able to do presentations/speak to a group. Her dad and I were pretty driven kids/teens, so it was a real adjustment as a parent to dial back expectations to getting through the soccer game without shutting down versus scoring the winning goal. We've always taught manners and have a wide range of conversations at home. She's very poised and can converse with anyone.