11-12 girls so poised

[Anonymous]

I was watching kids at my son’s swim team’s award banquet and the girls look so poised compared to the 11-12 boys. They wore cute sundresses, some had heels on, others with light makeup. The boys were just so awkward in comparison. They made nice speeches but team work and thanked the coaches. Meanwhile the boys just mumbled, some kids cracked some jokes. When did this happen?!

[Anonymous]

This is the age when girls mature faster than boys. Also, keep in mind it's up to the parents to a certain degree - did you prep your son on what to say and have him practice it a few times at home?

[Anonymous]

I notice this too! But less in terms of their appearances and more in their bearing. I have an 8 yo DD and when I was a kid, 11-12 yo girls were giggly and awkward or even rude around adults.

The only word for the 11-12 yo girls I know from the pool and school these past few summers is “poised”! I fully agree with you, OP. I feel bad because I can’t figure out what is pressuring them to have it so together- are expectations that high? Have we conditioned them to be like this? I appreciate it but it’s also unnerving. They speak to me with a graciousness and back-and-forth ease that many of my adult acquaintances can’t manage.

The boys, on the other hand, don’t seem to be any different than they were in 1992. For all I know, the stuff I hear poolside might have been recorded when I was in middle school and is getting replayed on the speakers. It’s comforting in its own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice this too! But less in terms of their appearances and more in their bearing. I have an 8 yo DD and when I was a kid, 11-12 yo girls were giggly and awkward or even rude around adults.

The only word for the 11-12 yo girls I know from the pool and school these past few summers is “poised”! I fully agree with you, OP. I feel bad because I can’t figure out what is pressuring them to have it so together- are expectations that high? Have we conditioned them to be like this? I appreciate it but it’s also unnerving. They speak to me with a graciousness and back-and-forth ease that many of my adult acquaintances can’t manage.

The boys, on the other hand, don’t seem to be any different than they were in 1992. For all I know, the stuff I hear poolside might have been recorded when I was in middle school and is getting replayed on the speakers. It’s comforting in its own way.

OP here: Exactly this. My 11yo sounds has to be reminded to say Hello and Bye

[Anonymous]

These girls were more mature even in first grade! The boys practically grunted like cave men while the girls could talk circles around them.

[Anonymous]

I have 11 and 14 year old dds. This is very true. Girls mature faster and tend to be more verbal and conscious of appearances. My 14 year old is in a hurry to be older, and that is clear from her dress, grooming and makeup. But she can be a bit shy. Yesterday i had to remind her to say thank you to a server. At a family wedding recently, she wowed everyone by looking like she could be a bridesmaid, but then got bored during the long (Hindu) service and went out of the hall to look at her phone and take a nap on a couch! So her behavior does not always match.

[Anonymous]

It's always happened.

Girls mature earlier than boys. Car insurance companies have long charged higher rates for boys/young men.

[Anonymous]

Why is an 11 yr old wearing makeup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice this too! But less in terms of their appearances and more in their bearing. I have an 8 yo DD and when I was a kid, 11-12 yo girls were giggly and awkward or even rude around adults.

The only word for the 11-12 yo girls I know from the pool and school these past few summers is “poised”! I fully agree with you, OP. I feel bad because I can’t figure out what is pressuring them to have it so together- are expectations that high? Have we conditioned them to be like this? I appreciate it but it’s also unnerving. They speak to me with a graciousness and back-and-forth ease that many of my adult acquaintances can’t manage.

The boys, on the other hand, don’t seem to be any different than they were in 1992. For all I know, the stuff I hear poolside might have been recorded when I was in middle school and is getting replayed on the speakers. It’s comforting in its own way.

The way girls are parented has cheer since I was a kid. People are much more conscious now of not criticizing as much and being more encouraging. Girls are also encouraged to be comfortable and happy with their bodies, especially around puberty. When I was a girl, there was a lot of shame imposed on girls bodies in puberty and I think it contributed to that awkward shyness because girls knew their bodies were changing but felt like it was bad.

Conversely, I think boys used to get more encouragement and validation and get less now. I also think people just straight up don’t know how to parent or teach boys now because the old “boys will be boys” attitude is considered retrograde (and was pretty toxic when compared to the much stricter expectations for girls) but hasn’t really been replaced with anything. I think boys are often left to their own devices and this leads to immaturity.

Parents want to raise strong girls but just don’t want their boys to be jerks. This leads to more intensive, attentive parenting if girls and more hands off parenting of boys.

[Anonymous]

I mean I think girls do mature faster, but I have an 11-year-old boy and his friends are polite and thoughtful. They also seem to do well speaking in public (but they are all in Scouts and do a lot of leadership activities so maybe that is why).

[Anonymous]

Agree with OP's general sentiment. I have only boys, including an 11 year old. The girls seem have it much more together. It's definitely a maturity gap. The boys are fine - generally polite and can converse normally with adults but aren't as mature as the girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an 11 yr old wearing makeup?

An 11 year old is about to start middle school, which is generally when makeup use starts. Relax.

[Anonymous]

I clerk a lot for our summer swim team and notice the gender maturity differentiation starting around 9-10. The 8&U are all over the place, regardless of gender. By 9-10 and definitely 11-12, the girls are way more organized and mature than the boys, many of whom still need to be tracked down and almost held in place. Much of that is resolved by 13-14 and almost all by 15-18.

Who knew swimming would be so useful?

FWIW, I have an 11yo DD and 9yo and 7yo boys.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my 11 year old DD can talk to adults but can also be silly and ridiculous with her friends. She knows the behavior expectations for various scenarios. FWIW I know boys her age who are like this, too.

[Anonymous]

There is some variety within this demographic but what you describe is very common, OP.

My 12 year old is as articulate as me and carries herself as well as I do.

Although... she doesn't cuss, stands up straighter and wears cuter clothes so actually she's probably doing better...