Why do so many men lack introspection? I
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Anonymous
Correct, they are anti-growth as a person. They cannot learn. No internal feedback loop. Which means they won’t adapt to being in a serious relationship, marriage, kids, two extended families, or a SFH. |
Anonymous
Imagine if he did some tweaks and got his stuff together- much less to point out!! The power is within him! |
Anonymous
No the lack of introspection leads to maladaptive coping like blaming others, deflecting, stonewalling, lying, and /or lashing out. Which is all an underdeveloped way of dealing with feedback. It is a form of misguided defensiveness. |
Anonymous
Only for work! |
Anonymous
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Some women are also this way. Some men are introspective.
It is a maturity thing. I would say my DH and I are about the same level of introspective and have both become more so since we met (16 years ago). But I think we both had some baseline maturity when we met so there could be give and take in our relationship. 90%+ of the time, we are both comfortable admitting when we are wrong and apologizing. This is central to our relationship. We also thank each other regularly for even little things. But I dated men before him who didn't have this ability, were always right, and never even considered examining their own behavior or taking responsibility in a situation where maybe everyone could have behaved better. Not even just "I recognize I was probably short with him because I was tired." And similarly, I have worked with women and had friends who were the same way. Ultimately I avoid people like this. I hope they figure it out eventually, but I don't view it as my job to teach them. If you don't have this by 25-30, life is going to be hard for both you and the people closest to you until you do. Don't have kids with someone like that. |
Anonymous
Hmm, the people I run into say some water down cliche how it was both of their faults, they moved apart and he worked too much. They rarely say that their exes told them not to work all the time or to set some iPhone boundaries and that they refused to/ could not or would not come up with a better work system after hours. |
Anonymous
Real. I am a woman and the person I've known who was the worst about this was a woman. She was very cute and her appearance also ran really young, so she always looked like 5 or more years younger than she actually was. On top of it, she was the baby in her family so I suspect her parents spent years saying stuff like "it's not her fault, she'd too young to know" or "be nice to your baby sister" and it got very internalized. This created some very severe problems for her when she finally started encountering people, in her late 20s and early 30s, who treated her like an adult who was responsible of her actions, and people who had no reason to baby her or protect her. She had no way to cope with it and kept making mildly negative situations much worse by blaming everyone but herself, lying constantly to keep from being held accountable, bad mouthing anyone who criticized her, or becoming super avoidant (silent treatment, not going to work, claiming illness to avoid social events) when she thought someone might be upset with her. It was really something. Teach your kids to accept responsibility! It will be doing them a favor in the long run. |
Anonymous
You are describing 99.99% of women. |
Anonymous
| I have dated plenty of woman like this. It isn't a guy or woman, thing. Some people are just this way. |
Anonymous
It's funny because there really are break ups that are all one person's fault, but yes you are basically conditioned to say it was mutual because it just sounds immature and like a red flag to say it was all their fault. I only had one major breakup before meeting my husband (dated several other guys but not seriously enough for the break up to be anything other that "eh, we just weren't right for each other."). My one significant ex had spent the last year of our relationship secretly dating another woman even though we were living together. And when I became suspicious about his close friendship with this woman after a few months, he accused me of being "crazy" and "possessive". When I finally wised up and left him, I found out they were already engaged. Were there red flags? Of course, in retrospect I see where I went wrong in trusting him and not trusting my own instincts. But was our breakup my "fault." Baby, no. He was a liar and a user and my biggest error was being too naive when we met. But when I started dating my DH, I didn't say all that because I knew how messy it sounded. I said "well it was a growing experience for both of us, I am glad it ended when it did because he definitely wasn't right for me." You have to be kind of equitable or you come off sounding bitter and vindictive. Even though I actually was kind of bitter and vindictive! Later I told DH the whole story and DH rightfully hates that guy on my behalf. |
Anonymous
| They think they’re too busy and would rather watch TV after work. |
Anonymous
Reminds me of my adhd kids and relatives. |