Are we coddling children too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with unnecessary tough love of making kids do menial chores, take retail jobs and carry student loans unless your resources require it.

If you can make life easier and take away some hurdles, its not going to make them deadbeat criminals, nor would chores, retail and loan would make them super successful.

My parents did it for me and I did it for my kids. I hope they'll do it for their children because it works.

My 13 yo is currently out on our zero turn mowing horse fields. His work ethic is phenomenal. He also has a high end gaming system, that he paid for and built himself with money earned doing things like mowing and power washing.

He is extremely intelligent, but working on our farm has taught him how to also be practical, efficient, and a problem solver.

My parents did that for me, and I am doing this for him because it works.

I'm all for kids doing chores and having jobs, but that's not a safe thing for a child that age. The AAP suggests kids wait till their 16, and 13 isn't even close.

Child labor laws exist to protect children from people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...
Are we coddling kids too much?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with unnecessary tough love of making kids do menial chores, take retail jobs and carry student loans unless your resources require it.

If you can make life easier and take away some hurdles, its not going to make them deadbeat criminals, nor would chores, retail and loan would make them super successful.

My parents did it for me and I did it for my kids. I hope they'll do it for their children because it works.

My 13 yo is currently out on our zero turn mowing horse fields. His work ethic is phenomenal. He also has a high end gaming system, that he paid for and built himself with money earned doing things like mowing and power washing.

He is extremely intelligent, but working on our farm has taught him how to also be practical, efficient, and a problem solver.

My parents did that for me, and I am doing this for him because it works.

I'm all for kids doing chores and having jobs, but that's not a safe thing for a child that age. The AAP suggests kids wait till their 16, and 13 isn't even close.

Child labor laws exist to protect children from people like you.

I'm probably left of the leftyist person here when it comes to economic policy, social justice, etc. But no... mowing on the family farm? That is fine. Shoveling horseshit too. This is the life. My dairy farming cousins were helping with milking and shovelng cow manure when they were 10.

And a city kid? I mowed my and my neighbors lawns at age 12.

Studies and homework were the priority and I didn't have the privilege to the work and make the money from the neighbors (older folks who needed the help) or my allowance if I wasn't on track.

It was a character building privilege, balanced against school and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with unnecessary tough love of making kids do menial chores, take retail jobs and carry student loans unless your resources require it.

If you can make life easier and take away some hurdles, its not going to make them deadbeat criminals, nor would chores, retail and loan would make them super successful.

My parents did it for me and I did it for my kids. I hope they'll do it for their children because it works.

My 13 yo is currently out on our zero turn mowing horse fields. His work ethic is phenomenal. He also has a high end gaming system, that he paid for and built himself with money earned doing things like mowing and power washing.

He is extremely intelligent, but working on our farm has taught him how to also be practical, efficient, and a problem solver.

My parents did that for me, and I am doing this for him because it works.

I'm all for kids doing chores and having jobs, but that's not a safe thing for a child that age. The AAP suggests kids wait till their 16, and 13 isn't even close.

Child labor laws exist to protect children from people like you.

I'm probably left of the leftyist person here when it comes to economic policy, social justice, etc. But no... mowing on the family farm? That is fine. Shoveling horseshit too. This is the life. My dairy farming cousins were helping with milking and shovelng cow manure when they were 10.

And a city kid? I mowed my and my neighbors lawns at age 12.

Studies and homework were the priority and I didn't have the privilege to the work and make the money from the neighbors (older folks who needed the help) or my allowance if I wasn't on track.

It was a character building privilege, balanced against school and play.

With a ride on mower?

Cow manure isn't a safety hazard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 15 minute walk and my third grader carries a laptop (mandated by the school) and several textbooks. Also a lunch box and two water bottles. So yes, I sometimes carry the bag for him. It's heavy.

This. The backpack has laptop, books, lunch box & a large water bottle. I carry it every day that we walk to school. It’s just heavy and kid doesn’t need back ache and posture problems this early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s more of a hustle thing op. As in, kid is slowly putting shoes on parent is outside the door has grabbed backpack and is setting the pace.

The real question is should a parent be walking with the kids at all. Allowing more independence is more important than not coddling from what I’ve seen. Builds tremendous confidence in kids.

I mean, I think most people are talking about Kindergarteners and 1st graders here -- I don't see many parents carrying backpacks for kids who are 8 or older, even in my DC neighborhood where many walk to school and I see many parents carrying parents for younger kids.

A kindergartener or 1st grader should not be walking to school alone in an urban setting. In a small town, suburb, or rural area, I could see it making sense (I walked to school starting in 1st grade in the small town I grew up in). But in a DC neighborhood where they have to cross streets and are likely reasonably close to commercial areas where lots of adults unrelated to the school are walking? Nope, no way. It's not safe and even the biggest free range advocates I know would not send a 6 or 7 year old off to school on their own in the city.

Of course, by their teen years, city kids are often more independent than peers in non-city environments, because they can get around so easily without cars. Once a kid is independent on the bus or metro system, they can do all kinds of things on their own. But not in 1st grade, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we are coddling in so many ways but the backpack thing isn't one of them. A backpack should only be about 10% of your weight. So my forty pound kid is supposed to have a four pound backpack and that Includes his lunch and his books and supplies and water. Not possible.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

I had never cooked or done laundry or made a bed before I went to college. That’s not new. Easy to learn these quickly enough.

Same, I did do my bed daily though, but I learned how to do laundry at the end of week 1 in college, it wasn’t a particularly steep curve, and really learned to cook at 35 once my kid turned 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

I had never cooked or done laundry or made a bed before I went to college. That’s not new. Easy to learn these quickly enough.

Same, I did do my bed daily though, but I learned how to do laundry at the end of week 1 in college, it wasn’t a particularly steep curve, and really learned to cook at 35 once my kid turned 1.

This isn't the flex you people think it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with unnecessary tough love of making kids do menial chores, take retail jobs and carry student loans unless your resources require it.

If you can make life easier and take away some hurdles, its not going to make them deadbeat criminals, nor would chores, retail and loan would make them super successful.

My parents did it for me and I did it for my kids. I hope they'll do it for their children because it works.

It does make them more likeable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

I had never cooked or done laundry or made a bed before I went to college. That’s not new. Easy to learn these quickly enough.

I made do much money off of people like you my first month of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we are coddling in so many ways but the backpack thing isn't one of them. A backpack should only be about 10% of your weight. So my forty pound kid is supposed to have a four pound backpack and that Includes his lunch and his books and supplies and water. Not possible.

I agree. We are but I don't think the backpack is the best example.

And our coddling is churning out a generation of depressed and anxious kids it's sad to see.

[Anonymous]

Yes we coddle kids too much. But that's what parenting is now. It's all about setting your kids up for success and making sure that they are comfortable.
Sucks, but what can you do. Kids today are soft and I'll equipped to deal with any kind if adversity. Everyone is anxious and needy. It's just the world we live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

I had never cooked or done laundry or made a bed before I went to college. That’s not new. Easy to learn these quickly enough.

Same, I did do my bed daily though, but I learned how to do laundry at the end of week 1 in college, it wasn’t a particularly steep curve, and really learned to cook at 35 once my kid turned 1.

This isn't the flex you people think it is

+1. Yeah, people generally become great in the kitchen when steaming baby carrots for 1 year olds in their 30s lol. This is not a flex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

I had never cooked or done laundry or made a bed before I went to college. That’s not new. Easy to learn these quickly enough.

Same, I did do my bed daily though, but I learned how to do laundry at the end of week 1 in college, it wasn’t a particularly steep curve, and really learned to cook at 35 once my kid turned 1.

This isn't the flex you people think it is

Knowing how to do laundry isn’t either.