Are we coddling children too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bags are way too heavy and will lead to back problems. The US doesn’t care about health enough. Carrying a back pack that is too heavy isn’t coddling. Driving your kid to school is.

This is something that occurred to me in the thread about strollers for 5 yr olds.

The people complaining that "5 yr olds are too old for a stroller" or "we're coddling kids by carrying their backpacks" are the same people who drive their kids everywhere. Of course they don't carry their kids' backpacks, their kids aren't carrying them either except for the distance from the drop-off lane to their classroom. And the mom who sometimes lets her 5 yr old ride in a stroller on the way home from the grocery store is getting flack from people who don't walk to the grocery store in the first place and therefore don't actually have any concept of whether it's reasonable to expect a 5 yr old to walk the mile or so there and back after her dance class.

Maybe we aren't coddling children too much. Maybe we are coddling adults too much by letting them drive around in their SUVs everywhere, judging everyone they see through their tinted windows.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you/did you drive your children to school? Or did they walk?

[Anonymous]

Early on in Kindergarten, we saw my daughter’s teacher when walking to school (less than two blocks) when I was carrying her mostly-empty backpack and lunchbox. He very nicely called her out on it - said that Kindergarteners carried their own bags. This was pre-COVID, so no laptop - but she insisted on carrying her bag after that.

When she had a laptop in 2nd grade, a parent might have carried it for part of the time if it was longer than a block.

She has also pulled her suitcase for part of the at least part of the time when traveling since she was 4/5.

I don’t see it as making her ‘tough’ - but to give her self-confidence for being able to handle things on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early on in Kindergarten, we saw my daughter’s teacher when walking to school (less than two blocks) when I was carrying her mostly-empty backpack and lunchbox. He very nicely called her out on it - said that Kindergarteners carried their own bags. This was pre-COVID, so no laptop - but she insisted on carrying her bag after that.

When she had a laptop in 2nd grade, a parent might have carried it for part of the time if it was longer than a block.

She has also pulled her suitcase for part of the at least part of the time when traveling since she was 4/5.

I don’t see it as making her ‘tough’ - but to give her self-confidence for being able to handle things on her own.

Sure, but it's also child-dependent. Some kindergarteners are literally just smaller than others.

Also, some kids at that age will carry their backpack some days but not others. Sometimes I carry my kid's backpack because she's super sweaty fro a really active day at school on a hot day, and I feel bad about having a heavy backpack on her sweaty back so I offer to carry it. That's not coddling, it's just nice. Other days my kid might ask me to take her backpack because she wants to walk home with a friend and they will be playing/running on the way home. She asks nicely, I always agree. I have to carry her backpack on days she rides her bike, because the backpack is big and will actually hang down below her seat when she's sitting down -- it would be dangerous for her to bike with her backpack on.

Like, yes, kids have to learn to carry their own bags. But there's not a rule that once you are in elementary school, regardless of all circumstances, you have to carry your own backpack. It's okay for kids to hit that milestone at different points based on their size and circumstances.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

In 3rd grade, we had text and workbooks for:
reading,
general history
geography,
spelling,
math

As well as paper and pencils.

These were a lot heavier than a laptop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s more of a hustle thing op. As in, kid is slowly putting shoes on parent is outside the door has grabbed backpack and is setting the pace.

The real question is should a parent be walking with the kids at all. Allowing more independence is more important than not coddling from what I’ve seen. Builds tremendous confidence in kids.

This is not a safe country to let your kids roam around free. Teach your kids and build their confidence by guiding them. Most terrible parents are derelict in their parental duties in the name of delegation. No, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Mostly people are neglecting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 15 minute walk and my third grader carries a laptop (mandated by the school) and several textbooks. Also a lunch box and two water bottles. So yes, I sometimes carry the bag for him. It's heavy.

That’s interesting that they still use heavy textbooks. I’ve never carried it for them, never even thought of it. Actually they carry my things. My 11 yr old is strong as an ox.

[Anonymous]

This does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, if your kids can't even tie their own shoes at 10, still wear diapers (excluding SN) and have no chores or responsibilities. College aged kids don't even know how to cook or do laundry. It's a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 15 minute walk and my third grader carries a laptop (mandated by the school) and several textbooks. Also a lunch box and two water bottles. So yes, I sometimes carry the bag for him. It's heavy.

That’s interesting that they still use heavy textbooks. I’ve never carried it for them, never even thought of it. Actually they carry my things. My 11 yr old is strong as an ox.

Please tell me where I can send my kids to school that uses textbooks!

And op, yes, we coddle too much, but no, it's not the backpacks.

[Anonymous]

I always offer to carry my kids’ backpacks on the way home! One takes me up on it and the other doesn’t. I think it’s sweet, like “I missed you, here let me do something nice to take care of you because I’m your mom” sweet.

[Anonymous]

Yes, because they ask and the backpacks are heavy and I'm not an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 15 minute walk and my third grader carries a laptop (mandated by the school) and several textbooks. Also a lunch box and two water bottles. So yes, I sometimes carry the bag for him. It's heavy.

+1