Not ready for kids - help me feel ok about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your adult child had kids at a point in their life when you didn’t think they were ready - e.g., too young, too unstable, etc. - how have things turned out?

My niece just announced. Unwed. Not in a stable relationship, though the father is currently in her life. (He’s the more stable of the two.) No college and no career.

We’re all trying to be happy for them but also pretty worried.

OP when I was growing up pre- birth control + Catholic-- several Catholic School kids got pregnant. Out of 8 kids in my family, 2 of my brothers got their girl friends pregnant. One got married at 20+ has 3 successful kids. Both he/ his wife graduated from college. The other brother graduated from college + the wife did not. Disasterous situation woman had mental issues + alcoholism. They got divorced. She died. The 2 kids have messed up lives.

So, it really depends. As the aunt-- you won't have much of a role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unwed --- you shouldn't feel ok about this
Geez, don't try to feel ok about this!

Personally, I would be understanding if the woman was closing-in on a loss of fertility, was financially independent and made a conscious decision that she could do this alone.

But your niece? She was just irresponsible. No excuse to be so irresponsible with birth control. You can be pleasant to her and help but no way would I try to be "ok" with this!

What does being mean to the niece do for you, the baby, or the family? Does it give you sense of superiority to treat her poorly because she, who you are solely faulting here, for being irresponsible? Maybe her bc failed and isn’t taking responsibility for the outcome a responsible thing to do? You just seem like a judge uptight a$$hat.