Recent travel with elderly parents was HARD.
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Anonymous
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Sounds like it is time for 2 different kinds of trips. One at your parents speed and one at you and your families speed. Also, realizing a good vacation means different things to different stages in life.
Maybe consider sending them on a trip made for seniors? If it is extended family then a cruise, inclusive resort, or nice long weekend trip with a house rental and all the comforts of home. The house rental also allows them to bring foods they are used to and other comfort items. (Cruises can request special accommodations as well.) Hire a travel agent that deals with multiple generation travel. As well as set expectations clearly. We will have x, b, z , meals together on these days. We will do k, g activities together at this time. We have 2 choices for day p & o you can select. The rest of the time is your own to do as you wish. Not together 24/7 |
Anonymous
| I've heard of Grandparents who have been quite happy to be at the chosen vacation hotel property - and just be available. Enjoy the room, enjoy the property, with all family staying at the same hotel, family drop-by and visit. Cocktails at 5pm for anyone who's around. Or linger over breakfast. Relax in the lobby and hear about everyone's day. Grandparents do not have to be on-the-go. |
Anonymous
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In my experience, you need to be really driven by what they can manage when you’re travelling with them. My mom is 83, does not drive, and has IBS. We don’t go anywhere that is a super long travel day, and we don’t stay anywhere that isn’t a resort at this point with her - eg no hotels where we have to drive or walk to the beach - because what if we’re at the beach and she needs to go back to the room suddenly? Or if she’s having an IBS flare up and wants to stay in the room - I don’t want to have to leave the hotel (if it doesn’t have a restaurant) to get a meal so I’m not far away if she needs me.
For me it’s been about really following my mom’s cues, and not getting my heart set on a type of travel that simply doesn’t work for her (no AirBnBs, etc) |
Anonymous
| This is why the elderly shouldn’t travel. I see them everywhere, teetering around and in the way, and looking miserable too. Travel when you’re young or not at all. |
Anonymous
| ^ I don't think you belong on this forum |
Anonymous
^^And you don’t belong in the world I think. |
Anonymous
| We just came back from a Caribbean vacation with my mid-70s FIL and MIL. What worked for us was similar to what a pp said about 10am and spicy food. That was the case for them as well so we made sure to get on the same page with expectations. We have an early rising 7yo so we'd wake, go to breakfast, return, and go to the local beach while waiting for them to meet up with us. We'd then do whatever activities we had planned, have dinner and again split up until the next morning. If everyone has reasonable expectations and boundaries this setup can really work. We had a great experience and were planning next year's trip before we left. I realize not everyone has it so lucky, but if you have easy going elderly parents/in-laws it really can work well for everyone. |
Anonymous
| Yes, this! And it works for everyone because no family wants to be together all the time. That's not good for anyone, any age. Alone time to do nothing (resting) if we choose, without it being observed. |
Anonymous
DP. What a horrible thing to say. |
Anonymous
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I’m a single parent of a young child. We take maybe two trips per year. My mother always asks to join but has never ever ever planned a trip herself in her entire 65 years of life. She’ll tag along in a heartbeat but never offer to help with planning, organizing or even paying. She gets offended when I tell her she has to pay half of the hotel cost.
Our trip drives are always delayed by 2-4 hours because she’s never ready when we go to pick her up. Still has to pack and shower. Even in her younger years she never once offered to help drive on long road trips, and was truly offended when I asked. She insists that we stop for restroom breaks every hour. We always end up arriving at midnight or beyond, wherever we go with her. She’s morbidly obese and has two bum knees and moves very slowly. On our trips she’ll go to bed at 5am and sleep til 2pm. She hates doing any activities on trips and prefers to sit in the room all day and talk to her friends (who she refuses to travel with) on the phone. I asked why she even bothers to travel and she said she likes the change of scenery. She could care less about spending quality time with me or her grandchild, or exploring a new place. She also refuses to travel with my dad (her husband) and says he’s boring. I finally saw the light 5 years ago and stopped inviting her on our vacations. She would still ask to go and I just started saying NO. My time off and vacation $$ are too precious to cater to her all the time during our travels. Even my child started complaining that she was a drag. Our vacations became less fun when she was on them. It’s also tough booking comfortable hotel rooms for 3 people. I don’t like sharing a bed and I don’t put my child in sofa beds, but my mom was always too cheap to pay for her own room. She also always got the nice master bedroom to herself when we rented condos. Traveling without my mom was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Our vacations became so much more fun again. There was room for adventure and spontaneity. We do not miss her being on our trips at all. Now instead she nags my sibling and they come to me about the same complaints I had, haha. |
Anonymous
| DH's Mother had many sisters. All the families would take a beach vacation together renting huge houses for multiple generations. Each had a large family. DH is an only child and yet we go and rent a condo near but separate from his parents. I'm sure it confused and disappointed my ILs a little, with so much togetherness happening in the other houses but it's what worked best for us. We had not enjoyed the few, initial times sharing a condo. We never had to say anything harsh to them, just state what we were going to do going forward and hold to it. |
Anonymous
Some houses have elevators. We found one last year and it was a life saver!!! |
Anonymous
| Yes! Just returned from a weeklong trip w/my husband and 4 kids along with my parents (age 70). Everything seemed to irritate my mother. If the day wasn't going as planned, she would have a total attitude. Just sit and look on her phone and not really interacting with the kids. When I asked her what was bothering her, she blamed it on not wanting to get the kids in trouble....huh? It was exhausting. Like you said, I was just trying to enjoy the time with my kids and husband but had to spend unnecessary time/energy trying to navigate her emotions. We had planned a trip with them in a year to Hawaii. Def going to cancel that. It is sad, disappointing and exhausting all at the same time. |
Anonymous
We finally drew the line this year. We didn't invite the MIL to Disney or the beach trip this year, and she was pissed. But when we told her what did the whole time she said wow that sounds miserable and was very glad she didn't go. We need to think about ways to include her going forward, but yeah we're done with the active vacations. |
Anonymous
| Younger folks -- you do not need to accept rude. I am the age of your parents. There may be some disfunction due to their age which you'll have to put up with that, set boundaries. But you do not need to treat them to experiences beyond the ordinary. |