Recent travel with elderly parents was HARD.

[Anonymous]

People age differently. My stepdad was basically homebound at 68 due to COPD. My mother is still raring to go at 81.

The point is actually paying attention to their changing needs/wants and adjusting plans accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to travel.ornis up to traveling, no matter what the age. It's best to plan to do things slower when you have a multi age or multi capability group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little astounded people are giving up on their parents in their 70s. That’s so young! We took my parents to Alaska when they were 88 and Costa Rica two years before that. It’s great because if one of the kids wants to hang back, they can hang with them. And I always put a kid in their room so we aren’t too crowded. And the kids really get a lot out of it—they love to show things to their grandparents and also are really considerate about things like helping them on stairs, etc. They are 95 now and my kids are so sad they can’t travel anymore.

Anyway, I think it just takes a little adjustment of expecatations and then it can really work great!

WOW! There is no way anyone of the elderly in our family would want to spend all day AND night with the kids in our family. Their room is their space for quiet time and kids are not allowed in them at all.

[Anonymous]

Are you all on my vacation? Hello from Germany, 3:00 am edition. This weeklong trip with my 89 yo mother — planned and paid for by my well-intentioned brother — has been … something. It’s had its bright spots (like mom seeing her equally elderly brother, likely for the last time), but whoo-ee has it been rough. A full blown anxiety attack our first night preceded by bad sleep before departure, no sleep in business class, early arrival and too late check in, and a day of driving for the world’s most anxious passenger. (There will be speed, narrow roads, curves and tunnels in Switzerland.) Throw in bowel/bathroom/food issues, mobility issues, sleep issues, very narrow attention span, and some OCD, and yeah, it’s been a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little astounded people are giving up on their parents in their 70s. That’s so young! We took my parents to Alaska when they were 88 and Costa Rica two years before that. It’s great because if one of the kids wants to hang back, they can hang with them. And I always put a kid in their room so we aren’t too crowded. And the kids really get a lot out of it—they love to show things to their grandparents and also are really considerate about things like helping them on stairs, etc. They are 95 now and my kids are so sad they can’t travel anymore.

Anyway, I think it just takes a little adjustment of expecatations and then it can really work great!

21:21 PP here...um...this is a pretty tone deaf post...I haven't 'given up' on my parents, who are in their 70's. Dad's Parkinsons doesn't care that he's in his 70's, and he isn't likely to live to 88 (or even 80). The road trip last summer was so hard on them and me, because of the disease's progression-before that, they traveled fairly normally, and because they hadn't traveled really since before covid we didn't really realize how difficult it would be at this point.
So, now my very considerate adult kids are going to my folks (involves travel) because they love their grandparents and want to see them.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this compulsion to travel with elderly parents, especially overseas and in a large group. If you're accompanying them to their homeland to see relatives, that's one thing. But throwing together elderly parents, spouses, and kids into one vacation that involves international travel seems too much. If it's just about them spending time with the grandkids, well they can do that at home as part of staycations or local excursions. Why drag everyone overseas to spend "family time"?

[Anonymous]

I went on a trip last year to NYC with my adult kids. I didn't really want to go there but they convinced me it would be fun. They were right! I told them I can't walk very far or very fast, I have to sit down and rest sometimes, sometimes I even need a nap to make it through the day. They said, that's why you should go with us because we get all that and we will make sure it's fun even while accommodating your wants and needs. I had to agree that sounded like a great plan. I would do it again in a heartbeat, I love them so much! Getting old is turning out to not be so bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re:renting a beach house. NP here. ILs want an early dinner. A sit down dinner, all of us. They make fixing dinner a huge production, takes forever and we'd rather grab and go. 4-7+pm is our favorite time on the beach.

Compromise is your friend. Monday/Wednesday/Friday you do the sit down dinner with them, the rest of the evenings you do what you want. You aren't going to get everything you want when traveling with other people.

[Anonymous]

I did this with elderly parents back to their home country to see aging relativels for the last time. What I learned is plan one activity/day at most, like just for the morning. The rest just play it by ear. They may just want lunch in the hotel then rest all afternoon until dinner, which was fine by me. I'd go explore in the afternoon and meet them for dinner.

Basicaly it was learning to adjust that they can't do it all, so find a way to include them in some but not all things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little astounded people are giving up on their parents in their 70s. That’s so young! We took my parents to Alaska when they were 88 and Costa Rica two years before that. It’s great because if one of the kids wants to hang back, they can hang with them. And I always put a kid in their room so we aren’t too crowded. And the kids really get a lot out of it—they love to show things to their grandparents and also are really considerate about things like helping them on stairs, etc. They are 95 now and my kids are so sad they can’t travel anymore.

Anyway, I think it just takes a little adjustment of expecatations and then it can really work great!

21:21 PP here...um...this is a pretty tone deaf post...I haven't 'given up' on my parents, who are in their 70's. Dad's Parkinsons doesn't care that he's in his 70's, and he isn't likely to live to 88 (or even 80). The road trip last summer was so hard on them and me, because of the disease's progression-before that, they traveled fairly normally, and because they hadn't traveled really since before covid we didn't really realize how difficult it would be at this point.
So, now my very considerate adult kids are going to my folks (involves travel) because they love their grandparents and want to see them.

+1 - 70's isn't young - AT ALL. You, and they, are lucky. Even if people take really good care of themselves, illness happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little astounded people are giving up on their parents in their 70s. That’s so young! We took my parents to Alaska when they were 88 and Costa Rica two years before that. It’s great because if one of the kids wants to hang back, they can hang with them. And I always put a kid in their room so we aren’t too crowded. And the kids really get a lot out of it—they love to show things to their grandparents and also are really considerate about things like helping them on stairs, etc. They are 95 now and my kids are so sad they can’t travel anymore.

Anyway, I think it just takes a little adjustment of expecatations and then it can really work great!

People age at such different rates.

My mom (age 81) is in excellent health, mentally sharp, and still loves to travel. She is very low-maintenance, and a fun travel companion. She looks 20 years younger than her age.

By contrast, my mother-in-law is 75, and says she will no longer travel by air. She is willing to drive places, but not fly. She seems so much "older" than my mom, even though she is 6 years younger.

To all of you having challenges traveling with elderly parents, I remember that bickering can be common while traveling, no matter the age.

[Anonymous]

This thread is reminding me of the SNL spoof of Perillo tours reviews:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbwlC2B-BIg

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the link to that SNL sketch. I laughed so much and laughter can make you live longer and better, right?

[Anonymous]

My mother went on a trip to Europe with my brother at 76. She definitely needed taxis, time, etc but could enjoy seeing sites, museums etc. she’s now 83 and even an overnight in hotel is difficult. Mobility and cognitive challenges hit like a brick at 82. My dad (not married to my mom) is similarly compromised, after many years of world travel. I think Covid inactivity was really bad for both of them. That rig said some of my friends parents are still running around traveling independently in their 80s. .’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went on a trip last year to NYC with my adult kids. I didn't really want to go there but they convinced me it would be fun. They were right! I told them I can't walk very far or very fast, I have to sit down and rest sometimes, sometimes I even need a nap to make it through the day. They said, that's why you should go with us because we get all that and we will make sure it's fun even while accommodating your wants and needs. I had to agree that sounded like a great plan. I would do it again in a heartbeat, I love them so much! Getting old is turning out to not be so bad!

You were honest with your needs in advance - that’s so huge. Many people are complaining about older people who claim they can still go ten hours a day and also being angry if they miss out on something the group is doing. That’s the tough part. I can gladly plan parallel track vacations with older relatives bc I love them, but if they aren’t willing to admit reality, it’s so much harder.