Recent travel with elderly parents was HARD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

This. Your parents are past active vacations.

Well WE know that, but some keeps trying to tag along with us on our vacations and it makes me want to scream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

Those houses have a LOT of stairs. My 82-year-old father declared our last trip there his final one because of it.

[Anonymous]

I'm closer to your parents age. Here is what I would want (ideally) : no early morning activities. No desire to meet a tour group until, maybe 10am - if you want to know why --wish to have gone #2 beforehand. Only 1/2 the day ... like 4 hours of touring. Early dinner. Can't eat spicy. If I eat late or eat spicy, I will not sleep. I will have heartburn, nausea and be up most of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to your parents age. Here is what I would want (ideally) : no early morning activities. No desire to meet a tour group until, maybe 10am - if you want to know why --wish to have gone #2 beforehand. Only 1/2 the day ... like 4 hours of touring. Early dinner. Can't eat spicy. If I eat late or eat spicy, I will not sleep. I will have heartburn, nausea and be up most of the night.

Question - why come on a vacation with your young family? Do you feel guilty being an imposition?

[Anonymous]

~ just trying to offer information/insight. Just a hypothetical.

[Anonymous]

I have done a lot of traveling with my parents in their 70s and 80s. My kids loved traveling with their grandparents. Here is what works:
1) travel with snacks. My dad wears a Fanny pack with chocolate bars and protein bars. My kids love that.
2) regular meal breaks. My dad’s meal demand matched my growing kods’ so was not an extra imposition.
3) don’t plan that they will join for all things. My parents joined us for maybe half the stuff we did. Don’t move hotels too much so they always have a space to hang out.
4) look for things that have a high/low variant. Boat trips were great because they’d sit on the boat and we’d jump off and swim or snorkel. We did another Where we kayaked and they just did a tour boat with our youngest who could not kayak.
5) washer/dryer is helpful because old people have accidents. Also helpful for sweaty dirty kids.
6) double and triple check they have all medications and necessary equipment with them before you leave. I’ve had to buy insulin and walking canes in foreign countries when they were forgotten at home.
My parents eat better than my kids so that was never an issue—they have some dietary restrictions but we’re always able to find things they’d eat.
Finally watch for things like falls. We did have some calls on a couple of vacations. One was avoidable in that my mom was wearing really dumb shoes and I should have caught that. The other was the start of a serious medical problem we didn’t know about. Buy the travel insurance in case you need it. Bring extra medicine and know where the pharmacy is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to your parents age. Here is what I would want (ideally) : no early morning activities. No desire to meet a tour group until, maybe 10am - if you want to know why --wish to have gone #2 beforehand. Only 1/2 the day ... like 4 hours of touring. Early dinner. Can't eat spicy. If I eat late or eat spicy, I will not sleep. I will have heartburn, nausea and be up most of the night.

Question - why come on a vacation with your young family? Do you feel guilty being an imposition?

DP here, that's unkind. If PP knows what they need and articulates it to the travel planner, then it should all work out fine. It's people who don't acknowledge their limitations who make things harder. And, I think it's not fair to expect people to sit in the hotel unless that's really what they want to do: if they want to sightsee but just have limited mobility, we can find a destination where sightseeing is possible.

I have limited vacation time, like most people, so if there's a way I can see my parents and have a real vacation in the same week I will try to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to your parents age. Here is what I would want (ideally) : no early morning activities. No desire to meet a tour group until, maybe 10am - if you want to know why --wish to have gone #2 beforehand. Only 1/2 the day ... like 4 hours of touring. Early dinner. Can't eat spicy. If I eat late or eat spicy, I will not sleep. I will have heartburn, nausea and be up most of the night.

This is pretty much also my 12 year old except the pooping part. She wouldn’t want to leave before 10 so she can sleep in and do her hair.

[Anonymous]

My parents are late 70s and early 80s. They have decided to stop traveling. It bums me out but they have basically said it is too stressful. They are worried about a fall or medical problem in a different city. After reading all these stories, maybe they are right.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have travelled the world, and now that they’re too old to travel alone they want to travel with us. I have done it a few times, and now I refuse to do it again. It’s slows us down considerably, and causes us to make compromises we don’t want to make. We do not get to travel often. It’s a real treat for us. So I think it’s unfair my in-laws, who have had a lifetime of traveling, ask to come along. I will also point out they never travelled with their own in-laws!

[Anonymous]

So sorry it was a hard trip. We found with my in-laws - we had to pick one location, one hotel, and only 1 activity a day. They needed to know when and where all the meals were ahead of time (they are not spontaneous.) We discovered that it was better to plan prior to the trip - what the trip was going to entail - and include transfers from airports to hotels, walking distances or driving etc. We have also found that if we can find an apartment or house they were more comfortable in a place they could have their own food, drinks etc. We also had to factor in more rest time for them and time away from the young and loud kids. Ultimately the trip had to cater to their needs and schedule not ours. What worked the best so far was a 10 day trip, 2 days for recovery if there is jet lag, a rental house, access to a car (they don't do well on public transportation), bus tours of cities with limited walking, meals on a schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

Exactly this. Get one with an ocean view and a pool. They can stay there. You and your kids can do whatever you want!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I found out last summer that my parents are really too old and disabled to travel much...I drove with them and my dc to my oldest's wedding.

I'm so grateful that they are alive and were able to be there, but golly it was a hard trip! I did all the driving of course, which is fine, but every rest stop took so.long. and so did stopping to eat. And the second day of the drive, I and dc got to cool our heels in the hotel lobby while they got ready to go-2 hours later than I wanted.

I guess it was suprising to me because we have made the same trip several times in our lives, the most recent about 5 years ago (before covid). But it was hard for them, and me, and we decided they won't be doing any long drives again. My adult kids came for the holidays (parents and I live close by each other) and a few other relatives are planning visits. It's time for folks to come to them.

[Anonymous]

Well, these stories certainly change my retirement planning! Youngest will not graduate college until DH is 69. I think we’ll head to the airport after his graduation, or maybe push him to in-state choices so we can travel sooner! Glad I travelled so much in my 20s and 30s!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just returned from big family travel with my parents (in their mid-late 70s). It was a very hyped up trip to an international country. My parents were ready to go w/ the flow - since we were traveling w/ a mid-sized group. They haven’t travelled in about 7-years. Well - it was a tough trip and turned out to be way harder than anyone expected. Issues included nausea, diarrhea, complaints about hotels, food, luggage, being disorganized, hot, hungry, not liking the group and tour guide, too much activity, the list goes on. I tried very hard to be understanding and patient while also trying to enjoy the trip with my own kids. But I was overwhelmed. I feel guilty for not being more understanding and patient and kind with my parents and more fun and present with my own kids. Feels sad that I won’t want to travel like that again. Anyone else have a similar travel experience?

Everyone has the moment when they realize that their parents are slowing down and just should not be asked to do certain things anymore. This was yours. I'm sorry. It's a bummer.