How common is it to see large families that are completely estranged/very distant from each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not white but most estrangement among some minorities happens because of money and Inheritance. Family members get greedy and want all of the house after grandma or whoever died to themselves. After that there's no trust and more anger and lawyers and bad feeling between our relatives.

I think this is also probably true for white families. Money can cause drama no matter the color of your skin

White people estrange by choice when they move to a city for more money.

People of every race do that, racist.

They always come back home though or if they're immigrants they bring in the whole family to the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family of 9 is estranged from each other. I am hoping that once my 96 year old mother dies good things will happen. She orchestrates this dysfunction by extreme lying, manipulation. There is definitely systemic mental illness. Only the good die young and she will live forever. It’s very very sad.

Back in the day Catholics could not get birth control. Women who were not mentally stable had many children and this resulted in a generation (baby boomers) of much abuse.

]

Similar here (but not Catholic). An immature, divisive parent can do a lot of harm to to the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not white but most estrangement among some minorities happens because of money and Inheritance. Family members get greedy and want all of the house after grandma or whoever died to themselves. After that there's no trust and more anger and lawyers and bad feeling between our relatives.

I think this is also probably true for white families. Money can cause drama no matter the color of your skin

White people estrange by choice when they move to a city for more money.

People of every race do that, racist.

They always come back home though or if they're immigrants they bring in the whole family to the US.

That’s untrue as well.

-person with 4 citizenships due to spousal, and parents from all different countries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Eh..Does not matter if the Black families are not intact. They are quite capable of making food and feeding people. When you feed people, people congregate around you. Black families are more in touch with the extended family.

This is crap. White people are the same. The problem is they are not the same in urban areas because they live away from their families. Go to anywhere but the coasts and you know what I mean. Your comment is inaccurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

What do you know about white people's families? Racist

+1 I had the same thought. This person does not understand and is making ridiculous assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Black people and other minorities are far more likely to have multigenerational households.

White people’s definition of intact family are different from minorities.

White people think an intact family = married mom and dad with maybe children. That’s it.

Intact families are subjective to be honest.

You clearly ONLY know white people who live away from their families. You have no idea what you are talking about. Zero. What you wrote is untrue. And by the way, racist and naive.

[Anonymous]

I just commented. By the way, I am white and my sibling has his in laws next door and sister in law down the street. In an urban area no lesss. You have no utter clue what you are talking about. Stop acting like family is limited to nuclear families for white people. You are clueless.

[Anonymous]

I’m white & grew up in a MC/UMC household. I grew up in the same small city all my parent’s & grandparents were raised in, as did most of my cousins. I went “away” to college but was spending tons of time at home until I was 23 (all summers & winter). My parents live in the same house they have since my siblings & I were toddlers. I have 2 siblings, 2 parents & a niece. When I was in 8th grade, my uncle moved into our house for 7 months. Then, my sister had her DD when I was 17. From when I was 17-23, our family of six lived under the same roof. DC is a four hour drive each way from my hometown.

So yes, there are white people who have strong family ties.

[Anonymous]

I love & respect my parents very much, and they fortunately feel similarly towards me, which is why they explicitly forbid me from staying in my hometown. There are zero jobs there that way a living wage. Teaching, medicine & personal injury law are the best gigs there. Public school teachers start at $35k there.

[Anonymous]

I know two families like that but not to that extreme. The non-white family has autism running through the family. They call the autistic ones stubborn, and the stubbornness has kept them away from extended family. Moving to a different continent helped to forget about the other half.
The white family raised their kids to be independent from early age and went on and on how they shouldn't need parents after 18, and ofcourse they didn't. They also live an ocean apart. Friends are just as important as family for some. Not a big deal to not talk to family after having to be stuck with them for 18 years. No falling out.

[Anonymous]

“Strong family ties” does not mean you have to live in the same house, hand it down to your adult kids and never leave a zip code.

Wtf.

It means you talk and communicate and see each other enough that you know what’s going on with your parents and siblings and their family. You know their hopes, dreams, worries. You trust them. You go to them with good news or bad news, and get love and support. And advice. And you give it back. You cherish the time together, maintain traditions and values, and help with needed.

That’s “close ties.” And it doesn’t mean you eat every meal together for 50+ years or live on the same street.

[Anonymous]

Large families with 6+ siblings - yes - common.

Estrangement can be simply disparate ages/stages/geographical distance but also eldest members have completely different relationship and upbringing than younger siblings. Often there’s a caretaking role foisted upon older siblings for youngest and that breeds resentment. Typically youngest gets experience of old/tired/parents who abdicate responsibilities or become dispassionate altogether.

Seems like siblings form alliances and groupings like “oldest boys” or “first two” while the middles to younger are black sheep or non aligned nor particularly close to any siblings.

Ask me how I know! My father was 2nd of 8

Your experience is only anecdotal, and the bolded conclusion you drew from it carries exactly zero weight.

I am in my 50s and am one of 7 kids, with 12 years between oldest and youngest. No kid was ever put in a caretaking role (our parents did that) and our parents were equally involved and invested with each of us. If anything, the youngest kids had more of their energy and attention because there were fewer of them at home by the time the oldest left for college. We have a grouping, if you can call it that, of boys and girls because the boys sometimes do football weekends, etc. Siblings are now spread across the country with only one still living near the city where we were raised, and we still talk or text regularly in the phone, our kids know each other though they don’t often see each other, and we all get together every two to three years for weddings, a big trip or yo celebrate a big birthday.

There were several other large families in our neighborhood growing up, and the three that had kids with whom I still kept in touch have similar dynamics to my own family. Lots of family trips, etc. I only know one family with the kinds of dysfunction described on this thread, and it consists of only two siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Eh..Does not matter if the Black families are not intact. They are quite capable of making food and feeding people. When you feed people, people congregate around you. Black families are more in touch with the extended family.

This is crap. White people are the same. The problem is they are not the same in urban areas because they live away from their families. Go to anywhere but the coasts and you know what I mean. Your comment is inaccurate.

It's even BS for many white urban families. I grew up in DC. My parents are still in the same house I grew up in---for 50 years. All of my siblings live in the DMV. We get together for all holidays and special events and when it's been awhile and we are busy. The grandkids often had sleepovers at grandparents house and the grandparents came to all their sporting events, talent shows, etc. and had a VERY close relationship with all the grandkids. Family also very close with extended family members.

We are Irish-Italian and food and family are very much cherished culturally. BUT, I know many WASP families that are similar to mine with close family relationships.