How common is it to see large families that are completely estranged/very distant from each other

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering how common it is to see large families that are completely estranged to very distant from each other. My husband has 3 siblings. None of them have seen or spoken to one another in five plus years. Apparently there was no falling out just not interested in each other/too busy in their own lives. They speak to their parents a few times a year but none of them have seen their parents in years even though they live an hour away. Multiple children/grandchildren have never seen their aunts/uncles and the grandparents have only ever seen 2 of the 8 grand children exactly once. One when was was 2 and another time when one child was already 5. The grandparents are not interested in seeing any of the grandkids and don’t want to be bothered with them. I was also told that the extended family is the same way and nobody really speaks to anybody. How common is this?

[Anonymous]

Curious if someone organized a reunion in a park if anyone would come? Maybe they are all inert homebody types? Maybe try to start a group chat as a way of testing the waters and initiating contact?

[Anonymous]

Common. Usually a 1 or 2 bad apples estrange themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering how common it is to see large families that are completely estranged to very distant from each other. My husband has 3 siblings. None of them have seen or spoken to one another in five plus years. Apparently there was no falling out just not interested in each other/too busy in their own lives. They speak to their parents a few times a year but none of them have seen their parents in years even though they live an hour away. Multiple children/grandchildren have never seen their aunts/uncles and the grandparents have only ever seen 2 of the 8 grand children exactly once. One when was was 2 and another time when one child was already 5. The grandparents are not interested in seeing any of the grandkids and don’t want to be bothered with them. I was also told that the extended family is the same way and nobody really speaks to anybody. How common is this?

This situation sounds like they weren’t really close or if they were they’re now too busy to put the effort into annual gatherings or trips. That’s sad. But it’s a two way street and everyone needs to get on it for adult families not so local to meet up.

[Anonymous]

This is sort of mine, on my father’s side. He comes from a large Irish Catholic family. My grandparents on his side died in the mid-90s by the time I started kindergarten. He has approximately 7 siblings. I am in my early 30s. One of his siblings, let’s call him G, has three adult children in their late 40s living across the U.S. I have only ever met one of G’s kids. Another one of his siblings, T, I didn’t meet until a few years ago when he moved back to my parents’ hometown. T has three adult sons, an ex-wife and at least 9 grandchildren, all of whom I’ve never met. A third sibling, let’s call her J, married into a very, very wealthy family. I have only met her & her husband (my uncle) and their kids once when I was a toddler. I see the families of my dad’s other four siblings at least 3 times a year and know those cousins well.

My mom has two siblings and both are childfree. I have a second cousin who ironically was born the same month & year I was through her family, but only met her as a child. I have two siblings.

[Anonymous]

By the time everyone has passed their late 40s pretty common. Nuclear family takes precedence over family of origin. You really have to go out of your way to get together.

[Anonymous]

Start gifting vacations or flights or lodging.

[Anonymous]

White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Eh..Does not matter if the Black families are not intact. They are quite capable of making food and feeding people. When you feed people, people congregate around you. Black families are more in touch with the extended family.

[Anonymous]

I would say it isn't common at all (white person). I know all my cousins, all my first cousins once removed, and a lot of second cousins. And see them regularly.

[Anonymous]

Large families with 6+ siblings - yes - common.

Estrangement can be simply disparate ages/stages/geographical distance but also eldest members have completely different relationship and upbringing than younger siblings. Often there’s a caretaking role foisted upon older siblings for youngest and that breeds resentment. Typically youngest gets experience of old/tired/parents who abdicate responsibilities or become dispassionate altogether.

Seems like siblings form alliances and groupings like “oldest boys” or “first two” while the middles to younger are black sheep or non aligned nor particularly close to any siblings.

Ask me how I know! My father was 2nd of 8.

[Anonymous]

Honestly most non white families I know have issues and would benefit greatly from estranging from one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Anyone who moves more than a hour from their childhood home for work or school or a spouse has to is to manage.

We don’t all live 5-20 minutes from Ma, Grandma and Great Gma. Or in the same multigenerational home for decades. Maybe in Texas? Keep passing the house down and never leave the state or city?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say it isn't common at all (white person). I know all my cousins, all my first cousins once removed, and a lot of second cousins. And see them regularly.

Hold up. Estranged doesn’t mean doesn’t get together in the regular.
Estranged means there was a falling out or deliberate boundary set and there will be no getting together. Totally different.