How common is it to see large families that are completely estranged/very distant from each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family of 9 is estranged from each other. I am hoping that once my 96 year old mother dies good things will happen. She orchestrates this dysfunction by extreme lying, manipulation. There is definitely systemic mental illness. Only the good die young and she will live forever. It’s very very sad.

Back in the day Catholics could not get birth control. Women who were not mentally stable had many children and this resulted in a generation (baby boomers) of much abuse.

Don't hold your breath. Usually the death of a difficult parent results in residual grudges due to parental favoritism/abuse. Hope not for your family, pp.

[Anonymous]

I’m don’t know a single family where this is the case. I come from a big family spread out across the country.

[Anonymous]

Siblings on both sides went down the Trump rabbit hole. Moved to red states, can barely do any small talk until something Q-Anon or blatantly racist, homophobic, or xenophobic pops up. I think this is it, sadly. Very difficult, and a loss really.

Cousins are all over, pretty busy with their grandchildren, we see them at funerals or maybe an AC wedding. It would be great to still all see each other, but now that our parents are gone, it will have to be an event, probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Anyone who moves more than a hour from their childhood home for work or school or a spouse has to is to manage.

We don’t all live 5-20 minutes from Ma, Grandma and Great Gma. Or in the same multigenerational home for decades. Maybe in Texas? Keep passing the house down and never leave the state or city?

I’m a native and I have met so many others that also grew up in DC or Arlington/Alexandria, MoCO. A lot of us left for a bit but came back to DC area for work. My kids have several generations of Dc families at their school. So many alumni have kids attending, and grandparents are often at events.

I get for those that grew up in small towns or areas of the country with no jobs—but Dc area has lots of tech, biotech, govt, etc. Huge job market.

Bfd.

People from any state or city could say the same. They returned to their hometown on purpose: they picked a regional grad school there on purpose. They moved to where one or both sets of grandparents are.

Some people move. Some people never move. Others are in the middle. Tomato tomahto.

Read the thread. It was in response to only people in Texas stay near family (this was pointing out that’s ridiculous):

“We don’t all live 5-20 minutes from Ma, Grandma and Great Gma. Or in the same multigenerational home for decades. Maybe in Texas? Keep passing the house down and never leave the state or city?”

Many people are close to them families and it “estranged” yet live miles away. Come on, it’s 2023.

[Anonymous]

My mom is 1 of 6 kids. As early as I can remember, someone is always mad at someone and not speaking to them. It’s lasted as long as 10 years and the oldest are pushing 80. As an only child, I find it quite sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering how common it is to see large families that are completely estranged to very distant from each other. My husband has 3 siblings. None of them have seen or spoken to one another in five plus years. Apparently there was no falling out just not interested in each other/too busy in their own lives. They speak to their parents a few times a year but none of them have seen their parents in years even though they live an hour away. Multiple children/grandchildren have never seen their aunts/uncles and the grandparents have only ever seen 2 of the 8 grand children exactly once. One when was was 2 and another time when one child was already 5. The grandparents are not interested in seeing any of the grandkids and don’t want to be bothered with them. I was also told that the extended family is the same way and nobody really speaks to anybody. How common is this?

I don't consider three children really large family but, I do believe it is common. What about your family? Are you close?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

What do you know about white people's families? Racist

[Anonymous]

I have a small family and I am super close to my mom, dad and brother. They live far away, but we speak every day and see them multiple times a year for long periods of time. They are all super close to my children and my husband.

That said, I am not close to my dad’s family. Grandparents died (I was somewhat close to them), but I have seen my aunt maybe 3-4 times (last time 10 years ago) and her son (my cousin) a bit more. I used to be super close to my mom side of the family, but she recently had a falling out with my aunt (her sister) and as a result, I have not seen or talked to any of them in 6 months (this is very strange for us).

My husband has a huge family (30 uncles/aunts and 60+ cousins). He does not see them all nor is he in touch directly with most, but sees them every 2 years or so and is on WhatsApp groups with them. He is also close to his parents and 3 siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Black people and other minorities are far more likely to have multigenerational households.

White people’s definition of intact family are different from minorities.

White people think an intact family = married mom and dad with maybe children. That’s it.

Intact families are subjective to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say it isn't common at all (white person). I know all my cousins, all my first cousins once removed, and a lot of second cousins. And see them regularly.

Hold up. Estranged doesn’t mean doesn’t get together in the regular.
Estranged means there was a falling out or deliberate boundary set and there will be no getting together. Totally different.

I know. I was figuring those estranged people don't get together. So I was using it as shorthand, and as a way of identifying that nobody has been cut off so that I don't know them - I do have far-flung cousins, and it would be easy to not know their spouses or children, but it wouldn't be as a result of being estranged, rather a result of not going to whereever they live to visit, and vice versa.

I don't have any estranged family members. I've always been told how my grandmother had a couple of siblings who didn't speak and she made a point of talking things out, engaging, and forgiving. That ethic has been passed down to her children and grandchildren. There are times we disagree, but we always work it out.

I do have boundaries with some of my family members - what I will / will not do. But that's for me. We still speak/engage/love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Yeah because Black families are highly intact.

Black people and other minorities are far more likely to have multigenerational households.

White people’s definition of intact family are different from minorities.

White people think an intact family = married mom and dad with maybe children. That’s it.

Intact families are subjective to be honest.

Thats not really by choics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people? Very common. No one wants to inconvenience themselves. And when you are socializing there is a lot of inconvenienceing yourself.

Imagine how hard it is when you are hosting a dinner. All the work that goes in it.

I think you should create a WhatsApp group or something and then try and get a reunion going. Maybe you will get some interest. Even if 2 families want to get together, you should do it.

Anyone who moves more than a hour from their childhood home for work or school or a spouse has to is to manage.

We don’t all live 5-20 minutes from Ma, Grandma and Great Gma. Or in the same multigenerational home for decades. Maybe in Texas? Keep passing the house down and never leave the state or city?

I’m a native and I have met so many others that also grew up in DC or Arlington/Alexandria, MoCO. A lot of us left for a bit but came back to DC area for work. My kids have several generations of Dc families at their school. So many alumni have kids attending, and grandparents are often at events.

I get for those that grew up in small towns or areas of the country with no jobs—but Dc area has lots of tech, biotech, govt, etc. Huge job market.

I'm a native as well but not white. We don't have that much extended family here unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I'm not white but most estrangement among some minorities happens because of money and Inheritance. Family members get greedy and want all of the house after grandma or whoever died to themselves. After that there's no trust and more anger and lawyers and bad feeling between our relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not white but most estrangement among some minorities happens because of money and Inheritance. Family members get greedy and want all of the house after grandma or whoever died to themselves. After that there's no trust and more anger and lawyers and bad feeling between our relatives.

I think this is also probably true for white families. Money can cause drama no matter the color of your skin

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how common this is. I see extended family pretty rarely (once every few years on one side of my family, more often on the other) but I really like everyone and we do stay connected in group chats, via phone calls etc. My brother lives closer to a lot of family and isn’t busy with little kids so he sees them much more often. In terms of immediate family I call and txt siblings and parents regularly and see them a couple times a year. I don’t know in the family who is intentionally estranged