What Did Your MIL Do to Welcome You Into the Family?

[Anonymous]

From the time I started attending holiday celebrations with my in-laws (probably when we were engaged) my MIL asked me about any special traditions/foods/recipes she could include from my side of the family. I thought that was very kind and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is getting married in October. I have a good relationship with his fiancee and would like to do something to "officially" welcome her into the family. Any ideas? Thanks!

My mom and wife get along.

My mom and dad wrote a handwritten letter to my wife that they gave to her with a string of expensive pearls the morning of our wedding. My wife opens and that letter every year on our anniversary twenty years later. I don’t know what it says.

We see my mom two or three times a year when she comes to visit. She always declares that she’ll take care of the kids for the weekend and insists we spend the weekend together at a hotel. Used to be she’d book us at the Ritz, but when she found out how much we make, that part ended and we had to pay our own way.

The last part is kind of funny, but your mother's attitude is generous, thoughtful and kind, and her heart is in the right place. I love that she welcomed your wife into the family with something truly special. I want to be a secure, kind MIL who welcomes my DIL into the family warmly, is genuinely curious and accepting about her and her family and background, and someone DS and wife want to be with, and spend time with, without worrying about me snapping (but pretending they are not, like my MIL - though I think since that is not in my nature, that should not be a concern) at any moment.

My MIL is bitter and mean, and it seems she resents DH, especially if he does well - which is nothing short of very messed up - as if she wasn't/isn't happy, so why should we be happy. How much is enough for her? She has a great life, and had to do very little for it, and exerted minimal energy toward it. Anxiety ruled her day, and anything was too much for her. I want the opposite (of my MIL's attitude)- I want my family to be happy. Is that so crazy? The nasty things that my MIL said early on stay with DH and me, and it is difficult to see MIL any way other than a product of her nastiness that we have seen (since we now know her true colors). We play nice, but we know more than we let on. MIL's dividing a family is the epitome of dysfunctional.

Do you have sisters? Are they threatened that another woman came into the family? Did MIL take your wife (having a family story and life before your family) personally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the best thing you can do is get to know her and find out about her family. She is starting a new family with your son, not becoming an appendage to your family (I am not assuming this is your attitude, but it is common).

This! I’m 10 years plus a DIL and my mil cannot even so much as let me get through one tiny story about my upbringing without cutting me off and changing the subject. It’s comical how much she’d rather tell the same old stories about her own family than listen to anything I have to say that’s not about her. She does the same to her own son so I think it’s narcissism or something. Interestingly she’s much more interested in her other children.