What Did Your MIL Do to Welcome You Into the Family?

[Anonymous]

All I ever wanted from my MIL was for her to consistently kind. I didn't need any gifts or celebrations. Just kindness. Didn't get it. I took the high road, but eventually we did need to distance ourselves because it was constant drama. She was that way with everyone though-very tormented soul.

[Anonymous]

I would have liked to have been treated like a family member.

In planning the wedding it was clear that I was just DH's +1 and not of any importance. She declined my invitation for dress shopping, and getting hair and makeup done with the bridal party. (and she loves shopping and beauty stuff).

She goes through DH for everything and gets annoyed when he wants to run big decisions past me first (dates for gatherings and things). I get kicked out of pictures and told "just the family!"

So...accept HER attempts to reach out to include you. Treat her as an equal to your child - they are a team now. If your daughter was newly engaged, what would you do for her? Offer to buy her something special or wear some heirloom etc? Offer to do that for you DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gifted me a Van Cleef bracelet right before the wedding.

You mean she GAVE you a bracelet. Stop with the “gifted” crap. We already have a word: give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pitch a fit that we wanted a small wedding and therefore she couldn’t invite every person she ever knew. Pitched an absolute fit and threatened not to pay for the wine, which we totally could have covered ourselves, but she had insisted on providing for us. Don’t be that MIL. Realize that your son and DIL are a new family unit and respect that.

Ha ha! We will pay for our kids weddings so they know that they have no say for the venue and our guest list.

Maybe, if you were getting married and paying for the wedding then each set of parents would get 20 guests on top of inviting relatives. I think that is very generous. Or, maybe you can price out how much it costs per person and allowed parents and siblings to invite who they want as long as they are paying for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gifted me a Van Cleef bracelet right before the wedding.

You mean she GAVE you a bracelet. Stop with the “gifted” crap. We already have a word: give.

It was a gift, so she 'gifted'. You seem very triggered. No one cares for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I ever wanted from my MIL was for her to consistently kind. I didn't need any gifts or celebrations. Just kindness. Didn't get it. I took the high road, but eventually we did need to distance ourselves because it was constant drama. She was that way with everyone though-very tormented soul.

It is a two way street. I am sure you contributed to the drama.

- DIL

[Anonymous]

My in-laws split the cost with my husband of small Diamond earrings to give me at my bridal shower. My husband’s grandmother gave me a necklace from her collection when we got engaged, and when we got married she gave me some of her pearls, which I had restrung and wear often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the wedding, my MIL paid off my college student loan, 50K, and bought me a brand new Toyota RAV4. She treats me like I am her own daughter. I go out to lunch every Saturday afternoon with my MIL and SIL and we call ourselves the triplets.

I would be so uncomfortable with this so early in the marriage. Good for you that you're into it, but I'd feel awkward and indebted... like how do you decline a social invitation or favor from someone after that?

Only on DCUM would someone turn such a generous act into such a negative. My MIL was a horrible witch (dh's step monster). To the lucky poster--- too bad more MILs are not like yours!

[Anonymous]

Aw, some of these responses are such nice ideas! Filing away for when my sons hopefully get married one day.
My MIL did nothing which is fine... but she's always just been so, so stingy that it's basically a character trait and a part of almost every interaction. That feels unwelcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw, some of these responses are such nice ideas! Filing away for when my sons hopefully get married one day.
My MIL did nothing which is fine... but she's always just been so, so stingy that it's basically a character trait and a part of almost every interaction. That feels unwelcoming.

X1000000

This. MIL taught me exactly what NOT to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediately after the ceremony, she hugged me and said "Welcome to the family!" And she clearly meant it.

Back story: I'm gay, and DW's family is Catholic. When we announced we were going to have a ceremony in four months (this was long before it was legal), future-MIL said "I don't think I can come that day." And she left the room.

So she evolved pretty far pretty fast. It meant a lot. I loved her like a mother.

This is really sweet. So glad for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gifted me a Van Cleef bracelet right before the wedding.

You mean she GAVE you a bracelet. Stop with the “gifted” crap. We already have a word: give.

It was a gift, so she 'gifted'. You seem very triggered. No one cares for you?

Did she carefully curate the bracelet before she "gifted" it.
It's just so pretentious.

[Anonymous]

A hug and a kiss and always treated me well. I miss that woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gifted me a Van Cleef bracelet right before the wedding.

You mean she GAVE you a bracelet. Stop with the “gifted” crap. We already have a word: give.

It was a gift, so she 'gifted'. You seem very triggered. No one cares for you?

Did she carefully curate the bracelet before she "gifted" it.
It's just so pretentious.

DP. Stop hijacking the thread with your petty criticism. It was a lovely gift, given and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pitch a fit that we wanted a small wedding and therefore she couldn’t invite every person she ever knew. Pitched an absolute fit and threatened not to pay for the wine, which we totally could have covered ourselves, but she had insisted on providing for us. Don’t be that MIL. Realize that your son and DIL are a new family unit and respect that.

Ha ha! We will pay for our kids weddings so they know that they have no say for the venue and our guest list.

Maybe, if you were getting married and paying for the wedding then each set of parents would get 20 guests on top of inviting relatives. I think that is very generous. Or, maybe you can price out how much it costs per person and allowed parents and siblings to invite who they want as long as they are paying for them?

Good luck with that attitude.