Unhooked kids - Why is private HS worth the diminished chances for top college admissions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here -- do most people expect their kids to go to grad school? I sort of assume my ES kid will, although it's too soon to know what field she'll pursue. Of course I'd love her to get into top colleges (with full rides, while we're dreaming!) but personally, I went to an okay college and a great grad school, and the grad school is what opened doors for me. If you think your kid will get a graduate degree, is a top college really that important?

If people are being honest here, what I am reading is people don't send their kids to private for that reason (i.e., top college admission). I don't know if I believe that but that's what they are saying.

I have a kid in private school. I went to private high school. DH went to public school. College admissions was not part of the conversation when we decided to have DD go to private school. Instead, it was about finding a place where she can access a wide-ranging curriculum in a safe, joyous environment. She’s only 6, so focusing on what she’ll do in 12 years seems a little ridiculous. Our focus was on her elementary education. If we can get that right, then hopefully the rest can flow from there.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In looking at college admissions and based on comments on this board it seems like most kids from top privates getting in to top schools are athletic recruits, donor kids or other heavily hooked kids. If your child is not hooked do you believe your child's chances are lower at getting into a good college from your private? Why or why not? If so, why did you decide to have your child in private anyway?

This Board is a small percentage of kids. So keep that in mind. These kids are doing amazing things. However, this Board diminishes the achievements and plays victimhood game. A lot of parents are simply not realistic about what their kids really is. So they tend to come up some fantasy as to why this or that happened. Plenty of kids from privates are being admitted to top schools with no so called "hooks." Focus on the best fit for your child and it will be fine. Don't do what you think everyone else is doing..plain and simple.

But they're not this year. Do you have a senior?
It not, ask one. Putting your head in the sand doesn't help anything.
Things have changed dramatically since even last year. Regular decisions are still pending so who knows what will end up happening but so far things are quite different.

No, I don't have a senior this year. But we have access to quite a few via friends, church, etc. So far two to Stanford, one to Northwestern, one to Vandy, etc. So your perception doesn't hold water for our peer group.

two unhooked DC private school kids to Stanford this year?

Did you seriously just take PP’s comment as representing what the entirety of the DC area private school population did, as far as Stanford admissions goes?

I’m now seeing how you people come to your conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not about 'college' about ENVIRONMENT and actual EDUCATION/LEARNING.

We chose a private high school with tons of community service requirements and values about giving back and morals that mirrored our own. We are independents/fairly socially liberal, but our local public school system really jumped the shark since right before Covid. They also teach down to the lowest common denominator. They refused to introduce new material to students during Covid because it would be 'inequitable' to the small percentage of kids in the County w/out internet at home (instead of finding a solution for the minority while maintaining standards for the majority). The 'men are the problem' message was also toxic to boys. The lack of control over iphone usage throughout the school day, the cover-up of incidents with fights or bullying also was enough.

Yes, my kids likely would have been fine as they are pretty thick-skinned, straight A students, etc. But, we really saw the decline in the education at our publics and with standards based learning and allowing assignments to be turned in as late as they wanted and multiple 'tries' (over and over again) so that everyone would get the same result on their report card--even if the same level of production/performance/commitment and understanding of the material was not there.

Add in the over-population issues at the school and paying for private HS seemed more and more attractive.

I have a Freshmen and Junior and we have been thrilled with their high school experience and feel they will be more than ready to thrive in college with the education they have received. The high school also mirrors the same approach we had since our kids were about 10---kids can be responsible for their own work and learn to advocate for themselves. Neither my husband and I have ever interfered with a school or intervened and the kids are self-sufficient. I have never been on Canvas or Parentvue(middle school) and they pull down top grades and manage their work along with their own extracurricular/athletic schedules.

My kids are so much happier and healthier at the private. The environment to learn and the teachers and the 'questioning' and going in depth and not strictly 'teach to the test' has been fantastic for my kids that were really bored in middle school.

Let me guess... you live in Arlington, right?! (I could have written this.)

[Anonymous]

For us, private schools specifically encourage the culture of participating--in small classes, in school clubs, events, athletics, community, etc. It's very hard to fly under the radar at a private so kids get used to being accountable. I know kids can participate, etc. in public, but it's just not the same. I also think the writing instruction with smaller class sizes is superior to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here -- do most people expect their kids to go to grad school? I sort of assume my ES kid will, although it's too soon to know what field she'll pursue. Of course I'd love her to get into top colleges (with full rides, while we're dreaming!) but personally, I went to an okay college and a great grad school, and the grad school is what opened doors for me. If you think your kid will get a graduate degree, is a top college really that important?

In my kid's medical school, her classmates are from all over the places. Many state Uni kids like my kid and many Ivy kids. Only top schools missing (that I know) are - MIT/CalTech. So from that perspective, at least for medical school admissions, didn't seem to matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Call my kids coddled if you will, but I'm personally thrilled that we can afford to send them to a top notch private school where there are no weapons, fist fights, metal detectors, and violent classmates. I appreciate the small classes, the attention paid by teachers who don't have to teach to the test, the involved families, and the excellent facilities. I like the responsiveness of teachers and administrators to my emails.
Would my kids have done well at a public school? Probably. But I have no desire to have my kids grow up in a learning environment where cops are called to the school regularly. And frankly, it is laughable when you live in Bethesda or Chevy Chase, live in a $1.5M house, and think that your own public school-attending kids are not coddled. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

It's not never was.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:First 13 years matter far more than the four years at college. I don’t need or necessarily want a top 25 school for DC. No one in our families went to a school in the top 25. All are very successful and happy. We have physicians, lawyers, vets and IT professionals in my cousin cohort. I don’t care where kids go to college. I do care where they spend their first 13 years as the develop into adults.

They can't develop in adults unless they are cuddled?

I think you meant “coddled,” but if you think all a good private school does is coddle kids, then it’s clear you have no experience with them and are not qualified to be part of this conversation.

judgmental as expected. good day

But PP is right. You are making false claims, simply repeating what you've read on here about private schools, and you don't have the experience to know that this is a lie that you are perpetuating. Why are you doing that?

Except... I made no claims. I asked one question and was told I don't deserve to comment on. Am I not allowed to ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to private because we strongly believe it is a better, more enriching and well-rounded experience. College admissions have nothing to do with it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think people need to be honest based on when their kid is enrolling private. If you are looking at enrolling for K, then you may say college admissions doesn't matter because it is honestly too abstract right now. 13 years from now might as well be 100.

I doubt anyone who switches to private for 9-12 doesn't at least somehow incorporate some thinking on college into the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First 13 years matter far more than the four years at college. I don’t need or necessarily want a top 25 school for DC. No one in our families went to a school in the top 25. All are very successful and happy. We have physicians, lawyers, vets and IT professionals in my cousin cohort. I don’t care where kids go to college. I do care where they spend their first 13 years as the develop into adults.

They can't develop in adults unless they are cuddled?

I think you meant “coddled,” but if you think all a good private school does is coddle kids, then it’s clear you have no experience with them and are not qualified to be part of this conversation.

judgmental as expected. good day

But PP is right. You are making false claims, simply repeating what you've read on here about private schools, and you don't have the experience to know that this is a lie that you are perpetuating. Why are you doing that?

Except... I made no claims. I asked one question and was told I don't deserve to comment on. Am I not allowed to ask?

You made a claim that private school kids are coddled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think your kid will get a graduate degree, is a top college really that important?

You have way more margin for error coming from HYPS. At least for law school, admission to a T5/10/14 with average grades is fairly doable if your LSAT scores are strong enough. Whereas coming from a non top-tier (whatever that means) undergrad, you may need to finish in the top 1/5/10 percent of your class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do it for the 13 years of consistent education, the experience and connections made during those years and the community. Our public is too big, too anonymous, too many behavior problems and checked out parents. This is a gift to our children. The best education we could provide them and the environment to support a better childhood. I'm saying the quiet part out loud here- people are buying a prettier, calmer, more focused experience. It's not about college at all

If you could have a kid who is happy, well mannered, good stats..etc. in a public, would you still go with private? I am curious about "it's not about college at all" comment.

I am not the poster you are replying to but I will offer my experience. We had that situation with our older son and did not go private. He thrived in public school - loves the noise and hustle. Loved having large groups of friends who all lived within a reasonable distance from school and had a very active social life. High stats, good relationships with several teachers, very involved in EC and now at a highly selective NESCAC where he tutors many kids from well-known privates as a tutor for his college's resource center. Our other son wanted a smaller environment and less noise and stimuli. He likes his school and his teachers and we think it has been worth the money. He missed having friends close by and that has created some challenges in his social life (which I believe is a very important part of well-being and development). Each kids is different so generalizations don't help much, in my opinion. And for those posters saying that if you haven't experienced an independent school, they shouldn't be commenting here, the same could be said for those same people commenting on the public school experience. I've had the experience with both and I can say that both experiences can be good. When I went to college, the kids that I saw go crazy and flounder were the private school kids. My college-aged son says the same. My friends who are professors and deans at various colleges love public school students - they have learned to navigate heterogenous groups, deal with large classes, are more adaptable, keep themselves on track, etc. Yes, there is some generalizing here but it is their experience shared with me. It doesn't mean private school is bad at all just that it isn't a panacea or a guarantee of a good school experience. I live 2 blocks from our neighborhood elementary school and have three friends who teach there. Trust me, there is plenty of joy there. I hear the kids outside throughout the day, I know what my friends are doing in the classroom, I see all the families gather outside on the playground after school for hours playing and talking. People need to pick what is right for their family but don't bash others for their choice (if they even had one) and certainly don't diminish the hard work of public school students who do well in some challenging environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First 13 years matter far more than the four years at college. I don’t need or necessarily want a top 25 school for DC. No one in our families went to a school in the top 25. All are very successful and happy. We have physicians, lawyers, vets and IT professionals in my cousin cohort. I don’t care where kids go to college. I do care where they spend their first 13 years as the develop into adults.

They can't develop in adults unless they are cuddled?

I think you meant “coddled,” but if you think all a good private school does is coddle kids, then it’s clear you have no experience with them and are not qualified to be part of this conversation.

judgmental as expected. good day

But PP is right. You are making false claims, simply repeating what you've read on here about private schools, and you don't have the experience to know that this is a lie that you are perpetuating. Why are you doing that?

Except... I made no claims. I asked one question and was told I don't deserve to comment on. Am I not allowed to ask?

You made a claim that private school kids are coddled.

To be fair, that was a question, not a claim. Certainly not "claims." LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to be honest based on when their kid is enrolling private. If you are looking at enrolling for K, then you may say college admissions doesn't matter because it is honestly too abstract right now. 13 years from now might as well be 100.

I doubt anyone who switches to private for 9-12 doesn't at least somehow incorporate some thinking on college into the decision.

+1. Honesty is very difficult for some