Child in the hospital: need ideas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

Your sleep is more important than their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Why not talk to her and ask her? You are in the room with her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

I think we are all skeptical that your DH’s concern is truly due to a fear of making the other mother uncomfortable versus his own selfish desire to spend each night comfortably in his own bed. Given that he’s clearly not at all concerned about his own wife being at ease, but rather expects you to just go without sleep for weeks on end, it’s a little hard to believe that he’s truly that concerned about discomforting a complete stranger. There is no expectation of privacy in a shared hospital room.

And no one other than the actual patients should be showering in the hospital room so not even clear why that’s being mentioned as an issue. Go home to do so.

Having stayed overnights at Childrens myself, I can tell you that parents are encouraged to use the showers! If nothing else, for a mental break. It is a VERY hard place to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

Your sleep is more important than their feelings.

They don't even know how this other person would feel, they're just guessing. I'm a mother, and I wouldn't give two shits about the gender of the parent of the kid in the next bed over.

[Anonymous]

OP, when I had to stay overnight with my DD at Children's (she was 9), another family was put in our room- a 15y0 with her Dad. They ended up moving that family to another room for reasons not told to us. You may want to ask a nurse if there are rules, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask my mom or a friend to stay.

I’m a friend whose H was recently paralyzed and I go to the hospital weekly to give her a break. I would be mad if you didn’t ask me for help.

This is a completely different situation. I’d be mad if my friend asked me to sleep at a hospital weekly with her child to give her a break while giving her husband/the child’s father pass for a bs reason.

Yea you wouldn’t be my friend so…

He’s working, caring for kids, keeping their lives normal with sports.

It’s 6 weeks, phone a friend.

I’d also have a friend help at home too.

Why does dh get to be the one to live the relatively normal life while op handles the crisis/sleepless nights full time? It seems most posters are assuming that dh works and op doesn’t, which would partially justify the uneven division of labor (although dh should still be subbing in on weekends), but that was never really specified.

[Anonymous]

Lone outlier here - while I would be fine in this situation, I don’t think OP’s DH is being ridiculous and I don’t think she should force him if he is uncomfortable. OP has many other resources (doesn’t work, has mom and friends to help). She can easily go home for a 5-hour nap during the day. It’s what I did when I had a newborn - take care of him at night while BFing and take long naps during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

I think we are all skeptical that your DH’s concern is truly due to a fear of making the other mother uncomfortable versus his own selfish desire to spend each night comfortably in his own bed. Given that he’s clearly not at all concerned about his own wife being at ease, but rather expects you to just go without sleep for weeks on end, it’s a little hard to believe that he’s truly that concerned about discomforting a complete stranger. There is no expectation of privacy in a shared hospital room.

So our indoor swimming pool has family showers right in the pool area (obvious their own contained fully locked room/door like with a hospital bathroom). It never EVER crossed my mind to think its weird that a man is showering in there. Why in the world would that be weird? This is the same set up. He can easily shower elsewhere if he's uncomfortable but there isn't anything weird about a male showering in a fully separate room that happens to be close to a female. Again, you guys seem like the weirdos here

This isn’t a public locker room. To me it’s weird that anyone who is not the actual hospital patient would choose to use the hospital room shower (especially in a shared room, regardless of gender) rather than just running home for a bit to shower and change….although I guess if you have a crappy spouse who won’t trade off with you you when your toddler is hospitalized your might not have a choice.

How nice that you’ve never had a child in a hospital that was further away from your home than “just running home for a bit”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask my mom or a friend to stay.

I’m a friend whose H was recently paralyzed and I go to the hospital weekly to give her a break. I would be mad if you didn’t ask me for help.

This is a completely different situation. I’d be mad if my friend asked me to sleep at a hospital weekly with her child to give her a break while giving her husband/the child’s father pass for a bs reason.

Yea you wouldn’t be my friend so…

He’s working, caring for kids, keeping their lives normal with sports.

It’s 6 weeks, phone a friend.

I’d also have a friend help at home too.

Why does dh get to be the one to live the relatively normal life while op handles the crisis/sleepless nights full time? It seems most posters are assuming that dh works and op doesn’t, which would partially justify the uneven division of labor (although dh should still be subbing in on weekends), but that was never really specified.

My mom and friends are helping during the day so I can see my other kids/ run an errand

No “work” mentioned there.

[Anonymous]

My kid had brain cancer and we spent a lot of time in the hospital. For her surgery weeks, we got someone else (like a family member) to stay with our other kid. We got a hotel room across the street from the hospital. We did shifts. One person slept over at the hotel from 9-3 and then we traded places and the other person slept like 4-10. Just another idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had brain cancer and we spent a lot of time in the hospital. For her surgery weeks, we got someone else (like a family member) to stay with our other kid. We got a hotel room across the street from the hospital. We did shifts. One person slept over at the hotel from 9-3 and then we traded places and the other person slept like 4-10. Just another idea.

I should have added — we then showered at the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an ass. He can suck it up for one night in the chair.

Completely agree. This is such a lame excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

Your sleep is more important than their feelings.

X100 this is so ridiculous. Can’t he go a day without showering? Need to poop? Find a hall bathroom if he’s uncomfortable.

🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.

DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.

However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.

I think we are all skeptical that your DH’s concern is truly due to a fear of making the other mother uncomfortable versus his own selfish desire to spend each night comfortably in his own bed. Given that he’s clearly not at all concerned about his own wife being at ease, but rather expects you to just go without sleep for weeks on end, it’s a little hard to believe that he’s truly that concerned about discomforting a complete stranger. There is no expectation of privacy in a shared hospital room.

And no one other than the actual patients should be showering in the hospital room so not even clear why that’s being mentioned as an issue. Go home to do so.

Of course that's not true.

I'm guessing you've never had a child with an extended hospital stay.

[Anonymous]

I would just mention to the other mom that you need a full night of sleep and that your husband will be coming in a night here and there. Maybe she needs a break too and can have someone give her respite.