Is anyone else super triggered by ppl showing off on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it kind of sounds like you're annoyed that others are getting attention for things you do too. Jealousy isn't the right word, maybe validation? Kind of like how when someone has an achievement and gets attention and praise for it so someone butts in with their achievement so they can get praise too. But since you don't post you don't get the attention and that's really what bothers you

This is so untrue. I fly private, and stay in hotel penthouses, and this triggers me when I see it. Showing off is showing off, and it’s awful behavior. If there was no social media, you would not be posting anything and living in the moment and enjoying your memory.

You’re making the assumption that someone is posting to brag when in reality they might not be. You are assigning malicious intent. This is all based on your own morals, values and rigid social media code that you have developed.

And yet you are going out of your way to tell us that you fly private and stay in penthouses.

I think you definitely believe folks shouldn’t be posting certain things on social media and it’s likely because you don’t want them to be on your level. You subconsciously want to be better than others, and it’s obvious you find ways to judge people in order to do that.

Lastly: if you are in therapy, you have issues. Good for you for addressing them in therapy. But some things really shouldn’t require therapy. Sometimes you just need to realize that being easily triggered by silly things is your issue instead of digging in to find support in judging others and making yourself feel better.

Comparable to implicit bias: if you feel bad thoughts creeping up, remind yourself it’s not cool and try to shift your mindset. Don’t feed into it.

In short: try not to be a miserable jerk. Be better.

Op - this post wasn’t me. But thanks!

But I’ve read your other posts, and my advice applies to you. Seriously.

Honestly from your post I think you are kind of a judgemental and miserable jerk.
I at least have the decency to question my judgement and get therapy. You don’t

How old are you? Seriously.

Being triggered by social media indicates *you* have an issue. Ditto for being in therapy. Happy, resilient people aren’t triggered by social media or need therapy.

Again, I applaud your effort to seek help, but at some point you might want to evaluate if therapy is helping. Sometimes it’s actually better to handle yourself rather than seek an audience and validation through a paid therapist. I know several people who wasted years/decades with a therapist when what they really needed to do was stop being so self-centered and fixated on their own thoughts and feelings.

The only reason I’m engaging with you is because you posted here. I don’t judge people irl. If I catch myself going there, I recognize it internally and pivot. Again: it’s a skill people should develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel and juggle similar emotions.

The idea of turning off these people, closing accounts etc is a solution. But you knew that already. I think you are trying to dig deeper because you know how anxiety works- it wants you to avoid feeling uncomfortable. So by avoiding their feeds, you won’t feel won’t be uncomfortable- annoyed, cringy, etc. And then you won’t be hard on yourself for why these posts bother you. I get it.

It seems you are asking how manage this without avoiding social media- it’s is a brave thing to do because it is THIS sort of approach that gets anxiety out of the way and let’s you change your thinking- which is much harder to do but also healthier.

All this being said - what others have said is also true - here is the design and goal of social media- it isn’t a healthy place to be and don’t beat yourself up over that, you are feeling how we know it makes people feel.

Resist the FOMO, look less, hide people, stop posting, follow lots of other things so your feeds are more interesting.

I get what you are trying to work through, I just don’t know if this addictive form of expression warrants this much effort to manage it mentally. By making is less serious and important, perhaps you can use social media differently in a way that doesn’t bother you so much. It’s not worth it, for you, for anyone. That really is hard to do and you can do it.

We all get those moments of eye rolls when we read something, we get caddy and want to make fun of someone- social media thrives on this sort of thing. I think you are trying to make it such a big thing, and you can with concrete ways- don’t beat yourself up that it bothers you. It’s designed to.

Op - this is such a smart and thoughtful response and you are so right.
I think what also really bothers me is the sort of faux naivete of like - it wasn’t intended to make you feel xyz.
My therapist has a saying (about social also) that when others make us feel a certain way, it’s typically exactly how they want us to feel, whether they admit it or not. And sometimes when it’s really obvious (biz class lounge example) we feel so annoyed with ourselves for taking the bait. But the one thing I totally reject is that people aren’t intending to show off. It’s just that some ppl are better at doing so subtley so you tolerate it bc it’s at least not thirsty

I’d love to debate your therapist on that.

Sometimes people center everything others say and do and run it through a very selfish, navel-gazing, oftentimes truly bizarre lens. They assign malicious intent when none was there (eg: feeling personally triggered by a photo shared with hundreds).

Sometimes the best way to move forward in life is by not letting things bother you. Don’t assume everyone is a jerk. Don’t overthink things. Don’t always center your own feelings. Just be nice. Don’t dwell; move on.

Happy, resilient people do this…even when faced with real issues. It’s an important life skill.

Not OP. I don’t think this is a fair assessment of what she wrote (or what her therapist said). I also think you are missing that people often do these things subconsciously, not maliciously.

I do think it’s true that when people post very show-offy posts on social media, especially about expensive or luxury experiences or purchases, ON SOME LEVEL they want people to envy it and that is a driving reason why they post.

That doesn’t mean I think everyone who does this is malicious. In fact, I think most of the time it comes from a vulnerable place of wanting to prove something about themselves and to feel validated. But I also think many of us are conditioned to find the envy of others validating.

Someone might say, “No! I’m trying to share my excitement about my first class seat/dinner at Michelin starred restaurant/luxury lounge access/etc. I’m trying to share my good fortune with others, not brag.” They might even really believe that’s why they are doing it. But why are they excited? Because they are doing something exclusive that not everyone gets to do. And they aren’t actually sharing it, they are showing it. The implied jealousy is built into their excitement.

I think OP’s therapist is right about this.

[Anonymous]

The worst are the private plane posts, posting in places like Paris with an arm full of bags from stores like Chanel or over-the-top gushing about one’s spouse. There is no subtlety whatsoever. I do find these both annoying and obnoxious, but they also give me a sense of smugness. There’s something pitiful about someone who needs to brag in such an over-the-top way. Rather than win admiration, these posters are earning eye rolls from most of their viewers.

And here’s a hint- you can avoid social media. You don’t need it to keep in touch with the people who matter most to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel and juggle similar emotions.

The idea of turning off these people, closing accounts etc is a solution. But you knew that already. I think you are trying to dig deeper because you know how anxiety works- it wants you to avoid feeling uncomfortable. So by avoiding their feeds, you won’t feel won’t be uncomfortable- annoyed, cringy, etc. And then you won’t be hard on yourself for why these posts bother you. I get it.

It seems you are asking how manage this without avoiding social media- it’s is a brave thing to do because it is THIS sort of approach that gets anxiety out of the way and let’s you change your thinking- which is much harder to do but also healthier.

All this being said - what others have said is also true - here is the design and goal of social media- it isn’t a healthy place to be and don’t beat yourself up over that, you are feeling how we know it makes people feel.

Resist the FOMO, look less, hide people, stop posting, follow lots of other things so your feeds are more interesting.

I get what you are trying to work through, I just don’t know if this addictive form of expression warrants this much effort to manage it mentally. By making is less serious and important, perhaps you can use social media differently in a way that doesn’t bother you so much. It’s not worth it, for you, for anyone. That really is hard to do and you can do it.

We all get those moments of eye rolls when we read something, we get caddy and want to make fun of someone- social media thrives on this sort of thing. I think you are trying to make it such a big thing, and you can with concrete ways- don’t beat yourself up that it bothers you. It’s designed to.

Op - this is such a smart and thoughtful response and you are so right.
I think what also really bothers me is the sort of faux naivete of like - it wasn’t intended to make you feel xyz.
My therapist has a saying (about social also) that when others make us feel a certain way, it’s typically exactly how they want us to feel, whether they admit it or not. And sometimes when it’s really obvious (biz class lounge example) we feel so annoyed with ourselves for taking the bait. But the one thing I totally reject is that people aren’t intending to show off. It’s just that some ppl are better at doing so subtley so you tolerate it bc it’s at least not thirsty

I’d love to debate your therapist on that.

Sometimes people center everything others say and do and run it through a very selfish, navel-gazing, oftentimes truly bizarre lens. They assign malicious intent when none was there (eg: feeling personally triggered by a photo shared with hundreds).

Sometimes the best way to move forward in life is by not letting things bother you. Don’t assume everyone is a jerk. Don’t overthink things. Don’t always center your own feelings. Just be nice. Don’t dwell; move on.

Happy, resilient people do this…even when faced with real issues. It’s an important life skill.

Not OP. I don’t think this is a fair assessment of what she wrote (or what her therapist said). I also think you are missing that people often do these things subconsciously, not maliciously.

I do think it’s true that when people post very show-offy posts on social media, especially about expensive or luxury experiences or purchases, ON SOME LEVEL they want people to envy it and that is a driving reason why they post.

That doesn’t mean I think everyone who does this is malicious. In fact, I think most of the time it comes from a vulnerable place of wanting to prove something about themselves and to feel validated. But I also think many of us are conditioned to find the envy of others validating.

Someone might say, “No! I’m trying to share my excitement about my first class seat/dinner at Michelin starred restaurant/luxury lounge access/etc. I’m trying to share my good fortune with others, not brag.” They might even really believe that’s why they are doing it. But why are they excited? Because they are doing something exclusive that not everyone gets to do. And they aren’t actually sharing it, they are showing it. The implied jealousy is built into their excitement.

I think OP’s therapist is right about this.

How come it’s okay to assign intent to the person who posted a picture but it’s not okay to assign intent/a lens to the person triggered by the picture who is judging the poster?

Having dinner at the Inn at Little Washington or some such fancy restaurant is a big deal/probably once in a lifetime thing for most. Posting a pic of the happy couple all dolled up is to be expected: great way to document a memory.

I would never feel green with envy; I would feel happy for them. I wouldn’t think they are bragging; I would think they are excited and having a fabulous time.

Some other posters here would assume their friends are bragging and rubbing it in everyone’s face on social media.

Is it fair to say some of us are more positive than negative? Some of us are happier and less likely to compare ourselves with others?

I know the airport lounge example is terrible. Clearly anyone who captions such posts with words like “airport lice” is a jerk. But I don’t think that post is bragging. It would not make me jealous. I would simply think anyone publicly criticizing the people at the airport has poor judgment and serious issues; that’s sad. These are precisely the folks you edit out of your life. I would probably call them out about it the next time I spoke with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst are the private plane posts, posting in places like Paris with an arm full of bags from stores like Chanel or over-the-top gushing about one’s spouse. There is no subtlety whatsoever. I do find these both annoying and obnoxious, but they also give me a sense of smugness. There’s something pitiful about someone who needs to brag in such an over-the-top way. Rather than win admiration, these posters are earning eye rolls from most of their viewers.

And here’s a hint- you can avoid social media. You don’t need it to keep in touch with the people who matter most to you.

+1

The normal response is pity, then moving on.

It’s not normal to feel triggered and stew. It’s not normal to fixate on anything, really…

[Anonymous]

I have gotten off Facebook ever since I got separated and going through a divorce. It was not good for my mental health seeing all the happy families, vacations, etc. I don't miss it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it kind of sounds like you're annoyed that others are getting attention for things you do too. Jealousy isn't the right word, maybe validation? Kind of like how when someone has an achievement and gets attention and praise for it so someone butts in with their achievement so they can get praise too. But since you don't post you don't get the attention and that's really what bothers you

This is so untrue. I fly private, and stay in hotel penthouses, and this triggers me when I see it. Showing off is showing off, and it’s awful behavior. If there was no social media, you would not be posting anything and living in the moment and enjoying your memory.

You’re making the assumption that someone is posting to brag when in reality they might not be. You are assigning malicious intent. This is all based on your own morals, values and rigid social media code that you have developed.

And yet you are going out of your way to tell us that you fly private and stay in penthouses.

I think you definitely believe folks shouldn’t be posting certain things on social media and it’s likely because you don’t want them to be on your level. You subconsciously want to be better than others, and it’s obvious you find ways to judge people in order to do that.

Lastly: if you are in therapy, you have issues. Good for you for addressing them in therapy. But some things really shouldn’t require therapy. Sometimes you just need to realize that being easily triggered by silly things is your issue instead of digging in to find support in judging others and making yourself feel better.

Comparable to implicit bias: if you feel bad thoughts creeping up, remind yourself it’s not cool and try to shift your mindset. Don’t feed into it.

In short: try not to be a miserable jerk. Be better.

Op - this post wasn’t me. But thanks!

But I’ve read your other posts, and my advice applies to you. Seriously.

Honestly from your post I think you are kind of a judgemental and miserable jerk.
I at least have the decency to question my judgement and get therapy. You don’t

How old are you? Seriously.

Being triggered by social media indicates *you* have an issue. Ditto for being in therapy. Happy, resilient people aren’t triggered by social media or need therapy.

Again, I applaud your effort to seek help, but at some point you might want to evaluate if therapy is helping. Sometimes it’s actually better to handle yourself rather than seek an audience and validation through a paid therapist. I know several people who wasted years/decades with a therapist when what they really needed to do was stop being so self-centered and fixated on their own thoughts and feelings.

The only reason I’m engaging with you is because you posted here. I don’t judge people irl. If I catch myself going there, I recognize it internally and pivot. Again: it’s a skill people should develop.

I agree with you that being triggered by social media is totally an issue of the person being triggered. But resilient people don't need therapy? That's such an antiquated view of therapy. I would actually argue that seeking help and working through your stuff takes a lots of strength and self-awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have gotten off Facebook ever since I got separated and going through a divorce. It was not good for my mental health seeing all the happy families, vacations, etc. I don't miss it at all.

I got off FB a year ago mostly because I found myself getting irritated at posts far too often. It’s also a horrible time suck. But I also don’t miss it in the slightest.

For people who think it’s normal to post every happy moment to social media to “document” the occasion: it may be common, but it’s not healthy. Get someone to take your picture and then make a photo book. Have a shared photo stream for the people in your life who *do* want to see your happy updates. I’m also with the PP’s therapist on motivations for posting, unconscious and otherwise. I mean, you all know that Meta and other companies do research on these kinds of things, right? They’re using our own brains and very normal human needs for connection and inclusion against us, to drive their own profits.

Tl;dr - dump social media, OP. You’ll probably feel a lot better and will have more time for relationships IRL.

[Anonymous]

There are two simple solutions here, OP. Stop following people who have a pattern of triggering you or stop using social media. It's not required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel and juggle similar emotions.

The idea of turning off these people, closing accounts etc is a solution. But you knew that already. I think you are trying to dig deeper because you know how anxiety works- it wants you to avoid feeling uncomfortable. So by avoiding their feeds, you won’t feel won’t be uncomfortable- annoyed, cringy, etc. And then you won’t be hard on yourself for why these posts bother you. I get it.

It seems you are asking how manage this without avoiding social media- it’s is a brave thing to do because it is THIS sort of approach that gets anxiety out of the way and let’s you change your thinking- which is much harder to do but also healthier.

All this being said - what others have said is also true - here is the design and goal of social media- it isn’t a healthy place to be and don’t beat yourself up over that, you are feeling how we know it makes people feel.

Resist the FOMO, look less, hide people, stop posting, follow lots of other things so your feeds are more interesting.

I get what you are trying to work through, I just don’t know if this addictive form of expression warrants this much effort to manage it mentally. By making is less serious and important, perhaps you can use social media differently in a way that doesn’t bother you so much. It’s not worth it, for you, for anyone. That really is hard to do and you can do it.

We all get those moments of eye rolls when we read something, we get caddy and want to make fun of someone- social media thrives on this sort of thing. I think you are trying to make it such a big thing, and you can with concrete ways- don’t beat yourself up that it bothers you. It’s designed to.

Op - this is such a smart and thoughtful response and you are so right.
I think what also really bothers me is the sort of faux naivete of like - it wasn’t intended to make you feel xyz.
My therapist has a saying (about social also) that when others make us feel a certain way, it’s typically exactly how they want us to feel, whether they admit it or not. And sometimes when it’s really obvious (biz class lounge example) we feel so annoyed with ourselves for taking the bait. But the one thing I totally reject is that people aren’t intending to show off. It’s just that some ppl are better at doing so subtley so you tolerate it bc it’s at least not thirsty

I’d love to debate your therapist on that.

Sometimes people center everything others say and do and run it through a very selfish, navel-gazing, oftentimes truly bizarre lens. They assign malicious intent when none was there (eg: feeling personally triggered by a photo shared with hundreds).

Sometimes the best way to move forward in life is by not letting things bother you. Don’t assume everyone is a jerk. Don’t overthink things. Don’t always center your own feelings. Just be nice. Don’t dwell; move on.

Happy, resilient people do this…even when faced with real issues. It’s an important life skill.

Not OP. I don’t think this is a fair assessment of what she wrote (or what her therapist said). I also think you are missing that people often do these things subconsciously, not maliciously.

I do think it’s true that when people post very show-offy posts on social media, especially about expensive or luxury experiences or purchases, ON SOME LEVEL they want people to envy it and that is a driving reason why they post.

That doesn’t mean I think everyone who does this is malicious. In fact, I think most of the time it comes from a vulnerable place of wanting to prove something about themselves and to feel validated. But I also think many of us are conditioned to find the envy of others validating.

Someone might say, “No! I’m trying to share my excitement about my first class seat/dinner at Michelin starred restaurant/luxury lounge access/etc. I’m trying to share my good fortune with others, not brag.” They might even really believe that’s why they are doing it. But why are they excited? Because they are doing something exclusive that not everyone gets to do. And they aren’t actually sharing it, they are showing it. The implied jealousy is built into their excitement.

I think OP’s therapist is right about this.

How come it’s okay to assign intent to the person who posted a picture but it’s not okay to assign intent/a lens to the person triggered by the picture who is judging the poster?

Having dinner at the Inn at Little Washington or some such fancy restaurant is a big deal/probably once in a lifetime thing for most. Posting a pic of the happy couple all dolled up is to be expected: great way to document a memory.

I would never feel green with envy; I would feel happy for them. I wouldn’t think they are bragging; I would think they are excited and having a fabulous time.

Some other posters here would assume their friends are bragging and rubbing it in everyone’s face on social media.

Is it fair to say some of us are more positive than negative? Some of us are happier and less likely to compare ourselves with others?

I know the airport lounge example is terrible. Clearly anyone who captions such posts with words like “airport lice” is a jerk. But I don’t think that post is bragging. It would not make me jealous. I would simply think anyone publicly criticizing the people at the airport has poor judgment and serious issues; that’s sad. These are precisely the folks you edit out of your life. I would probably call them out about it the next time I spoke with them.

I actually don’t think anyone would assume that couple at the Inn of Little Washington was bragging or trying to make people jealous. Especially if it was just the very occasional post like that.

If you look at the examples from the thread, most involve either repeated posts about luxury experiences (pics in first class lounges, pics of a first class seat, posts that center the brands or the luxury status of an experience instead of the people). I think it’s very hard to argue the people doing this are not doing it to try and induce jealousy.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are two things at play - your inferiority complex and your FOMO.

I don't get triggered because I don't care, I am not impacted and I don't do social media.

I find it ridiculous that people are posting mundane things on social media. Tell me if you win the Nobel prize, but the food on your airline flight is so stupid to post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it kind of sounds like you're annoyed that others are getting attention for things you do too. Jealousy isn't the right word, maybe validation? Kind of like how when someone has an achievement and gets attention and praise for it so someone butts in with their achievement so they can get praise too. But since you don't post you don't get the attention and that's really what bothers you

This is so untrue. I fly private, and stay in hotel penthouses, and this triggers me when I see it. Showing off is showing off, and it’s awful behavior. If there was no social media, you would not be posting anything and living in the moment and enjoying your memory.

You’re making the assumption that someone is posting to brag when in reality they might not be. You are assigning malicious intent. This is all based on your own morals, values and rigid social media code that you have developed.

And yet you are going out of your way to tell us that you fly private and stay in penthouses.

I think you definitely believe folks shouldn’t be posting certain things on social media and it’s likely because you don’t want them to be on your level. You subconsciously want to be better than others, and it’s obvious you find ways to judge people in order to do that.

Lastly: if you are in therapy, you have issues. Good for you for addressing them in therapy. But some things really shouldn’t require therapy. Sometimes you just need to realize that being easily triggered by silly things is your issue instead of digging in to find support in judging others and making yourself feel better.

Comparable to implicit bias: if you feel bad thoughts creeping up, remind yourself it’s not cool and try to shift your mindset. Don’t feed into it.

In short: try not to be a miserable jerk. Be better.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[Anonymous]

Honestly I have never been triggered by posts of people I know on social media because I know them and I am happy for them. I also don't really know anyone who goes out of their way to show off. The only time I've been honestly triggered on social media is when I first started reading DCUM because I felt so inadequate reading the Money/schools/college/real estate forums. I am like damn, I don't make 400k, my kids don't all have 140s IQa/4.5 GPAs/won't end up at Ivys, and I don't live in a 4000sq+ house. What did I do with my life??? And then I (eventually) came to my senses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what other people do? They found something that makes them happy. You go find something tha t makes you happy.

Seriously.

I sure as hell posted my first time in the United lounge, I was excited! It’s my page, so I’ll post what I want. 😌😌

You aren’t forced to look at it.

Op - I am. And you didn’t post it bc you were excited - you posted it bc you wanted ppl to know you were flying biz. It’s very obvious and it would have been obvious to them too.

Nah, I posted it because I was excited. It was my first time, and I knew my friends would be happy for me.

And, no, you most certainly aren’t forced to look at any of my photos.

[Anonymous]

It makes you jealous because you don't want people showing off when your standards preclude it for yourself.

Ridiculous.

Just ignore them, OP. You're not coming off smelling like roses, here.