Does she want me to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been visiting my son, DIL and kids for a few days and am set to leave on Monday after lunch. I brought food with me and have tried to be as helpful as I can be. My son doesn’t drink coffee, so DIL sets it up every night before she goes to bed. This morning, the coffee wasn’t set up. I didn’t want to make noise and I’m the first one up. I waited and asked her about it when she came downstairs. She said, “It’s a standard drip, help yourself.” My son does a lot to help out and so do I, and I understand if she’s tired, but a of things lately have become her telling me to help myself or her just disappearing and apparently my son or I am supposed to make lunch or whatever, which is fine, I just want to know what people want me to do.

Should I leave early?

So a busy working mom usually sets up coffee pot the night before - along with a billion other things- and she didn’t one night during winter break and yours flipping out. And asked her what happened and she said what type of appliance it is and to Help yourself.

Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, a grown man needing someone to set up their coffee? Surely this is a joke.

OP here. I am a woman. I’m happy to make my own, but was confused because she always sets it up. She does this for her parents, too, not just me. I didn’t make my own because I didn’t want to make any noise before they were up, or impose.

Correct
Do not wake up earlier than your hosts and the sleeping children, and start banging about with showers, coffee grinders, cooking, YOUR routine, etc.
just stay quiet or go walk to a coffee shop. Surely by 9am someone is up unless they have teens or a late night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! Some of you are awful. You have no manners. No sense of hospitality or how to treat visiting family. OP. Just ask your DIL and put her on the spot.

When I have visitors staying with me, I show them the coffee maker and tell them to make themselves at home. I definitely do not leave them hanging. So rude.

Op said dil told her to help herself. That's the opposite of leaving her hanging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! Some of you are awful. You have no manners. No sense of hospitality or how to treat visiting family. OP. Just ask your DIL and put her on the spot.

When I have visitors staying with me, I show them the coffee maker and tell them to make themselves at home. I definitely do not leave them hanging. So rude.

Op said dil told her to help herself. That's the opposite of leaving her hanging.

DIL did NOT tell her until the morning she did not set up coffee. You would be the first to tell OP that until told by DIL to.make herself at home if she had gone ahead and made coffee.

FWIW, working and a husband and children, I always set up coffee pot at night for next morning and told any visitors to feel free to make coffee if they got up early.

Family are still guests in my house. Sad that most of you consider your family people to be endured and they probably feel the same about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! Some of you are awful. You have no manners. No sense of hospitality or how to treat visiting family. OP. Just ask your DIL and put her on the spot.

When I have visitors staying with me, I show them the coffee maker and tell them to make themselves at home. I definitely do not leave them hanging. So rude.

Op said dil told her to help herself. That's the opposite of leaving her hanging.

DIL did NOT tell her until the morning she did not set up coffee. You would be the first to tell OP that until told by DIL to.make herself at home if she had gone ahead and made coffee.

FWIW, working and a husband and children, I always set up coffee pot at night for next morning and told any visitors to feel free to make coffee if they got up early.

Family are still guests in my house. Sad that most of you consider your family people to be endured and they probably feel the same about you.

Well OP considers her DIL to be her maid and cook.

Besides you’re doing exactly what the DIL did…telling guests to help themselves, so if OP was staying with you, she’d still be whining.

[Anonymous]

OP try using logic. It’s simple. If the coffee running in the morning from automatic set up is not too loud, then why would running it manually be too loud. Unless you are a bungling fool that needs to bang pots together while filling a pot with water it wouldn’t have made more noise.

Logically, your son is an adult and presumably educated. Why is it such a travesty that he would have to make sandwich for you? Why is it your DIL’s responsibility to wait on you and play hostess while your able bodied son is there?

Logically, how do you even know what she does when her parents are there and you are not? Did you and your son sit at the table long fully looking at the vast empty space wondering how you would get lunch and then he woefully exclaimed that ‘Claire always put a plate with sandwich out when her parents are here. I don’t know what to do.’

[Anonymous]

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! Some of you are awful. You have no manners. No sense of hospitality or how to treat visiting family. OP. Just ask your DIL and put her on the spot.

When I have visitors staying with me, I show them the coffee maker and tell them to make themselves at home. I definitely do not leave them hanging. So rude.

Op said dil told her to help herself. That's the opposite of leaving her hanging.

DIL did NOT tell her until the morning she did not set up coffee. You would be the first to tell OP that until told by DIL to.make herself at home if she had gone ahead and made coffee.

FWIW, working and a husband and children, I always set up coffee pot at night for next morning and told any visitors to feel free to make coffee if they got up early.

Family are still guests in my house. Sad that most of you consider your family people to be endured and they probably feel the same about you.

I don’t agree with a lot of the responses, but FWIW, I don’t want to be treated like a guest in someone’s house if I’m very close to them. I would not take the liberty unless invited to do so, but I prefer family to tell me to help myself rather than waiting for them to wait on or serve me. I don’t really feel comfortable with that dynamic. I would feel a little sad to be considered a guest in my kids’ houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you need/expect your DIL to make lunch for you every day? And set up coffee before she wakes up? Then you just waited around helplessly for her to wake up when she forgot one of the days and passive aggressively bugged her about it instead of asking your son or just making it yourself? If this is how you intend to continue acting, yes.

Seriously!!! Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Another thread overrun by a$$holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! Some of you are awful. You have no manners. No sense of hospitality or how to treat visiting family. OP. Just ask your DIL and put her on the spot.

When I have visitors staying with me, I show them the coffee maker and tell them to make themselves at home. I definitely do not leave them hanging. So rude.

Op said dil told her to help herself. That's the opposite of leaving her hanging.

DIL did NOT tell her until the morning she did not set up coffee. You would be the first to tell OP that until told by DIL to.make herself at home if she had gone ahead and made coffee.

FWIW, working and a husband and children, I always set up coffee pot at night for next morning and told any visitors to feel free to make coffee if they got up early.

Family are still guests in my house. Sad that most of you consider your family people to be endured and they probably feel the same about you.

I don’t agree with a lot of the responses, but FWIW, I don’t want to be treated like a guest in someone’s house if I’m very close to them. I would not take the liberty unless invited to do so, but I prefer family to tell me to help myself rather than waiting for them to wait on or serve me. I don’t really feel comfortable with that dynamic. I would feel a little sad to be considered a guest in my kids’ houses.

You will be a guest in their homes, so be mindful of that and don’t overstep. My ILs had to learn the hard way that no, you don’t get to barge in, enter any roo at any time, do whatever you want whenever you want. No, you don’t get to literally go through my closets, find a gift for someone else, and open it, MIL.

[Anonymous]

If you’ve been there more than 3 days it’s time to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm am I the only one who literally makes one meal for my parents or ILs when they visit? It’s the starting meal, when they arrive. After that they take over the kitchen to give me a break since they are retired and in good health, while I am busy with two young kids.

My mom would cook every night if I let her.

My ILs have never once cooked or given us a break. They stay as long as 18 days at times and except to be fed and watered all day long every day. Even in the before times when we went to the office every single day. I once years and years ago put together a roast and asked my MIL if she would please put it in the oven at 400 at a certain time otherwise it would not be ready. She took it upon herself to root around and find my digital meat thermometer, stick it in the roast, and roasted the thermometer with the roast. Plastic melted all over the roast and the digital parts exploded.

Shockingly they also expect me to make the coffee and huff and puff around my kitchen if I haven’t preset it up at night and will whine for the 10 minutes the machine takes about “is the coffee ready” while I’m trying to get the kids fed and out the door to school. We don’t drink coffee. We have a drip machine we haul out solely for their visits. It is nothing difficult. Also. Get out of my kitchen at 6:30 am when I’m desperately trying to get everyone out the door on time. You can wait to 7 for your stupid coffee when we are gone you silly addicts.

Why don’t you just… stop doing all of that?

[Anonymous]

People, this is a troll! The OP is 100% a parody of the sexist, entitled MIL. Simeone us just having some fun.