Income for fancy SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role. She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark. I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have. So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too.

That’s because you value a career and money over raising children and home making. You don’t value what is traditionally thought of as women’s work. But not everyone feels this way. I grew up in a conservative area and people would feel bad for a woman who has to leave her kids to work.

Regardless I’d try to temper your expectations about your child. I get you think she is talented, but she will likely not be using her talents in a career. The vast majority of women perform boring BS jobs to earn an income. There are very few people, including women, who are able to earn a living on exciting talents such as working in the arts. This is another reason many women don’t mind staying home. Most women working are doing the equivalent of TPS reports. Yes there are some women on this site who think their work is incredibly important and fulfilling but most women do not feel this way.

PP you are responding to. You are right I value career but I really don’t value money all that much. I don’t value a career “over raising children” but wonder why you put that out there. In my mind, those two things are completely unrelated. I absolutely value a career far far over home making.

As to my children, I agree with you that they may end up in jobs only for income purposes rather than for vocation. I imagine that could happen to either my son or my daughter. I hope not but you may well be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side. [/quote]

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role. She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark. I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have. So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too.

This is because you are viewing her alone in a vacuum instead of as part of a family unit and community, and because you view one parent as a "supporting role" which is frankly misogynist, materialistic BS. She does have the starring role in her own life. Money isn't the driver when you drop out of the rat race, and, let's face it, very few people are working jobs that fit your dream. In my case, I had professional success, made more than DH, and had more upside to go, but I let go of the brass ring, and all of our lives, including mine and the people in my world, are better for it. Time well spent doesn't have to be paid, and being paid isn't the only way to make your mark in the world and share your talents. I've made more of a mark in the community of people who really need me (worldwide, in fact) and in my family than I ever did as one of a million lawyers. I'm fulfilling roles in which I am not replaceable. Can't say the same for any lawyer. Your values seem to only allow you to respect professionals? That's off.

No. I asked in the anonymity of this forum because it is a choice that just doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t have to at all. I am glad so many of you were willing to share. I still don’t see it as a good outcome for my daughter, but maybe she will decide someday it’s the right path for her. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

I make 800K and think 200K on travel is literally insane.

[Anonymous]

We do this on $700k. I was making $500k and we realized we could do all of this without my income so I quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

I make 800K and think 200K on travel is literally insane.

What kind of travel are you doing that could add up to 200k? I do approximately 50 to 60k of travel a year and that’s already a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

I make 800K and think 200K on travel is literally insane.

We often cover our family and sometimes our friends. Our kids are also older now so we always get a suite or get a house. Since Covid, we have traveled more, rented nicer homes for longer periods of time.

We have no debt and very little expenses so our biggest expense is travel. We travel most of the entire summer, all school breaks and long weekends. We still save/invest around 75% of our earnings.

When our HHI was 800, we probably spent 40-50k on travel. When we hit $2m, we went to 100k. Now we go away most of the summer. That is why I said when you don’t work, you spend more.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Travel costs include money spend on actual vacation. If you are only counting $ on airfare and hotels, it would be more like 100-120k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

I make 800K and think 200K on travel is literally insane.

It is insane and it would be 25% of your income, so it would probs not be a good move for you. I would only spend that much if I made north of $2M and had a very comfy NW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread sparked my curiosity. What income does a husband need to bring in if he wants the following life style for his wife as a sahm:

- mortgage on a 1.3 mil house in a close-in suburb
- wife wears expensive clothes
- high maintenance: expensive highlights, facials mani pedis, botox
- 2 nice cars
- kids in private school
- nanny

This is us but I don’t need Botox or highlights and I don’t do facials or mania/pedis. And I work. Our HHI is $600K. We pay our nanny $70K and pay $30K for private preschool. HHI is $600K. For a one earner family would need at least $600K.

This thread is about SAHMs. This is not you at all if you work.

Private preschool also different than paying 40k per kid for private school.

I’ll do the math for you. We pay $100K for childcare for two kids, so that’s more than $80k for two kids to go to private school or the equivalent of two $40K tuitions and $20K for a PT nanny. I said that for a single earner the person would need to earn at least $600K because that is our HHI and we have this lifestyle minus the Botox and pampering, because I’m young and don’t need that to look hot. FWIW, you don’t know of my DH makes $560 and I make $40K.

Also, why do you think you can dictate who replies to this thread?

I was you probably a decade ago. Dh earned around 500 and I earned 150-200. We had a FT nanny plus preschool.

I did not think we had a fancy life at all. We had a third kid and I stopped working.

We spend 200k a year on travel. When you stay home, you have more time to spend money. It isn’t just the cost of childcare.

I make 800K and think 200K on travel is literally insane.

It is insane and it would be 25% of your income, so it would probs not be a good move for you. I would only spend that much if I made north of $2M and had a very comfy NW.

Pp here. HHI is over $2m. Each week of summer we are on vacation will cost us $20k. Winter break usually costs us $30k. It adds up.

[Anonymous]

This thread started out ok, but devolved into the age old SAHM/WOHM debate with all its usual acrimony. People asking valid questions receive passive aggressive answers, just like the old UB, except here nasty male misogynists chime in as well. Nice…