Income for fancy SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The house is on the low end so that's a plus. Is the nanny full time or part time if the kids are in school all day?

My guess is that you need about $750k minimum for that:

PITI - $60k
2 schools - $100k
Nanny - $40k
car payments - $25k
travel - $25k
other life - $150k

Total - $400k after tax

No way higher. DH makes $300k. Our kids go public and our house was purchased for $650k back in 2013. We do save aggressively for college and retirement but we are nowhere close to living the life OP describes. I would say more like $500-600k+. We’d need another 100k post tax for private school for two kids, another $24k post tax to pay for leases on two luxury cars.

[Anonymous]

^^Should say we make $350k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

Not PP but my DH makes 1 m too. Pros and cons. I enjoy that I can be heavily involved in my kids’ school. That when they are sick or need to be pulled out there’s the flexibility. That I can take two month vacations visiting friends and family. I also appreciate that my kids can go to their activities and their 529s are fully funded. Sometimes I worry that DH is the only breadwinner and that I have wasted my elite education. But as I aged I notice myself slowing down and most of the time I don’t think about what if. I am very happy for my girl pals who have succeeded in their career and admire them for their success. I’ll probably find a hobby job when the kids are older. So most of the time I feel more happy than bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school is the killer here.

Lots of grandparents pay tuition directly. It’s exempt from the estate tax.

+1

BINGO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have just asked how stupid you have to be to throw that much money away on a private school instead of getting a better house or cars lol

Our kids go to an amazing private, and to us it is absolutely worth it, way more than cars and houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

PP again- and just to add- my salary as a kindergarten teacher was about $50K. So even if I went back to work it wouldn’t be as though my husband could quit his job or even scale back to something less stressful. I loved teaching (just like I love being home with my children) but as we all know it doesn’t easily pay the big bills (DH and I often say that teachers should make what the law partners do!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role. She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark. I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have. So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

Not PP but my DH makes 1 m too. Pros and cons. I enjoy that I can be heavily involved in my kids’ school. That when they are sick or need to be pulled out there’s the flexibility. That I can take two month vacations visiting friends and family. I also appreciate that my kids can go to their activities and their 529s are fully funded. Sometimes I worry that DH is the only breadwinner and that I have wasted my elite education. But as I aged I notice myself slowing down and most of the time I don’t think about what if. I am very happy for my girl pals who have succeeded in their career and admire them for their success. I’ll probably find a hobby job when the kids are older. So most of the time I feel more happy than bad.

Thanks for your response. I appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role. She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark. I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have. So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too.

DP but I think if you spent time in the house of a SAHM with a spouse who works a lot out of the home, you might feel that the “supporting roles” are reversed. It really depends on where you want to center your own story. Also there are a lot of meaningful pursuits that are unpaid or even cost money, and a lot of salaried jobs that amount to very little that matters. There are a lot that DO matter! But I think you are unfairly ruling out a lot if you think professional success is the only path to a fulfilling life. Besides, it’s not like I became a SAHM right out of college. I think my life has different seasons and I’m enjoying this one. I will see what’s next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role. She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark. I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have. So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too.

DP but I think if you spent time in the house of a SAHM with a spouse who works a lot out of the home, you might feel that the “supporting roles” are reversed. It really depends on where you want to center your own story. Also there are a lot of meaningful pursuits that are unpaid or even cost money, and a lot of salaried jobs that amount to very little that matters. There are a lot that DO matter! But I think you are unfairly ruling out a lot if you think professional success is the only path to a fulfilling life. Besides, it’s not like I became a SAHM right out of college. I think my life has different seasons and I’m enjoying this one. I will see what’s next.

Same poster, I just want to add that it is unquestionably humbling to become a SAHM. I actually think that has led to personal growth for me, and I’m not afraid of the downsides or drudgery of it, but it is absolutely there (peaking during cocktail parties and periods of illness). I also realize that being very financially privileged shields me from whole other levels of humility and sacrifice that other parents take on in order to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes almost 1M. We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now. We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye. But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH). But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary.

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary. Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M. I never said we are mortgage free. PITI is about $4500 a month. We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early. Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school? Yes. But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life. Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful? I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.

I’m the PP you posed this question to. Why would you not love it? Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education? Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school. I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny). Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids. I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”. We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table. Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’. And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success. As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”

PP again- and just to add- my salary as a kindergarten teacher was about $50K. So even if I went back to work it wouldn’t be as though my husband could quit his job or even scale back to something less stressful. I loved teaching (just like I love being home with my children) but as we all know it doesn’t easily pay the big bills (DH and I often say that teachers should make what the law partners do!!)

Yeah, high-earning men say stuff like this to humor their wives (or "Honey, your job as a SAHM is much harder than mine as a law partner!"), but they know it's BS Some resent their wives and some don't, but all parties involved know who really does the heavy lifting.