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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH makes almost 1M.  We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now.  We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye.  But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
 We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH).  But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.  [/quote]

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary. [/quote]

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.[/quote]

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary.  Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.  [/[b]quote]
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I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M.  I never said we are mortgage free.  PITI is about $4500 a month.  We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early.  Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school?  Yes.  But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.[/quote]

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life.  Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful?  I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.  [/quote]

I’m the PP you posed this question to.  [b]Why would you not love it? [/b] Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education?  Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school.  I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny).  Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids.  I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”.  We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table.  Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’.  And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success.  As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”[/quote]

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role.  She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark.  I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have.  So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too. [/quote]

This is because you are viewing her alone in a vacuum instead of as part of a family unit and community, and because you view one parent as a "supporting role" which is frankly misogynist, materialistic BS. She does have the starring role in her own life. Money isn't the driver when you drop out of the rat race, and, let's face it, very few people are working jobs that fit your dream. In my case, I had professional success, made more than DH, and had more upside to go, but I let go of the brass ring, and all of our lives, including mine and the people in my world, are better for it. Time well spent doesn't have to be paid, and being paid isn't the only way to make your mark in the world and share your talents. I've made more of a mark in the community of people who really need me (worldwide, in fact) and in my family than I ever did as one of a million lawyers. I'm fulfilling roles in which I am not replaceable. Can't say the same for any lawyer. [b]Your values seem to only allow you to respect professionals?[/b] That's off.[/quote]

No.  I asked in the anonymity of this forum because it is a choice that just doesn’t make sense to me.  It doesn’t have to at all.  I am glad so many of you were willing to share.  I still don’t see it as a good outcome for my daughter, but maybe she will decide someday it’s the right path for her.  Who knows?[/quote]

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