Student loan forgiveness has made me even more distant from my father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go see a therapist. Some of this is your dad, some of this is you. And has nothing to do with politics. Maybe you don’t mean to, but you come across as narcissistic.

BTW, no one is going broke on a marijuana habit. I get the feeling if his hobby were fishing, you’d have an issue about how he bought himself a fishing pole and made you take out student loans. Basically, he’s supposed to foresake anything that brings him a little bit of pleasure for you. I hope you aren’t raising your own children the way you wanted to be treated. You sound like you want everything handed to you at someone else’s expense. As a lifelong Dem voter, I can’t stand this attitude -it gives fuel to people who don’t want to support social programs for the underprivileged.

Op here. People do go broke from buying marijuana. You have no idea what my childhood was like because of his drug habit. He could have provided us with a much better upbringing if he wasn't high all the time. He was feeling a little pleasure daily. That's not okay. Even if I didn't qualify for student loan forgiveness, I would still support others who do qualify.

You sound like a mess. Go to therapy.

I have been to therapy but I can't afford to go for years and years. Being high all the time isn't normal. It's not like going fishing. It impacted my childhood. My dad still operates this way even when he visits us out of state. The student loan things bring memories of when I was younger and he wasn't available financially or emotionally to help me. Growing up in the midwest without a car was very, very hard. We lived in an upper middle-class neighborhood and I was the only one in college and beyond without a car.

Zero sympathy about the car. A lot of us went to school without a car to rural campuses. Or bought super old cars at a bargain basement price and worked multiple jobs. Your story keeps shifting -I’ve never met someone from an UMC neighborhood on a Pell grant.

You sound like you want to be a perpetual victim and not an adult. You had a solution to the car problem, but didn’t want to take responsibility. You don’t want to pay student loans, you want someone else to fund that.

OP, the student loan forgiveness would help people, but it’s actually a complicated economic question (including the fact that it incentivizes colleges to raise tuition even more…if you have kids, that will be your problem eventually). But what I’m picking up here is not father/daughter political differences, but a grown woman who wants to lay down and keep playing the victim. Your life isn’t going to improve until you start taking ownership for it and stop laying everything on other people to fix.

Op here. Without a car it was very hard to find work, and ultimately, that's why I left college. I couldn't keep up with working full time and studying full time and the time on the bus. I did not take loans to pay rent or live on campus or pay for my meals. I went to a commuter state college. The fact that my dad was high all the time had a significant impact on my upbringing. I am not playing the victim. I have moved on. I moved out when I was 18 and never needed financial help from him. It was irresponsible for my dad to use the money on drugs when he could have helped us. He bought an older car for my older sister, for example. He continues to feed his drug habit and isn't saving for retirement. We lived in a nice neighborhood growing out because my grandmother owned the home. Now that I have children myself, I am growing angry at my dad, especially when he visits us out of state and manages to find drugs locally. He comes for two days at a time. I think it's selfish not to save at least a portion of money for your kids' education. I didn't grow up or attend college in cities with mass transportation so having a car was essential. Its not safe to take the bus late at night. I wouldn't want that for my children. I left college and moved to dc. I was okay in DC without a car because mass transportation is better and safer.

Op, that sounds rough and it took strength to push through that. Smoking weed all the time isn't okay. People are mean and sick on this forum. They aren't going to give you sympathy. I would be pissed if my parents brought weed to my house out of state. Personally, that's a reason to cut them off. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to their drug habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We already have a distant relationship, but politics isn't making it any easier. He didn't help me with student loans or my first car, learning to drive. It makes me so angry that he supports Trump, and I know he's against loan forgiveness. It doesn't make sense why he wouldn't be supportive of something that would help his daughter. I don't have a lot of debt, only 13k. I also got the Pell Grant because we were low-income. My mother passed away, and he's remarried to a trump supporter. I think about how selfish and hateful Trump supporters are and it makes me think my dad isn't a good person. My husband is also an immigrant from a Muslim-majority country. My father likes my husband, yet he's supporting someone who isn't friendly toward immigrants. My father does other things that make me angry but the student loan thing makes me sad. I have small children now, and I can't imagine voting against something that would benefit them, like help with student loans.

I hate Trump, but this makes you look silly. Like, "sure he demonizes people like my husband and supports a person who makes my family less safe, but what really got my goat was the $10k!"

[Anonymous]

OP, you ARE playing the victim.

Here’s the funny thing with college: in DC we all tend to feel we owe it to our kids. But ultimately, that is a value judgment. Plenty of people think you should find your own way in the world…a lot of kids get cut off at age 18. Some will join the military for the GI Bill, some will do ROTC on campus; some will work for a company that gives scholarships and use it at a community college. There are ways to make things happen.

You seem to be all about you. Have you ever bothered to contemplate what led to your dad’s drug dependence? Maybe he has mental health demons of his own, but you want to only see him as a selfish jerk who didn’t give you what you wanted. You don’t have to put up with the bad behavior. For your own good, though, trying to view him with some compassion rather than vitriol might be better for your own state of mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, your latest post said you never needed Dad’s help. But your whole post is how his not helping you was detrimental. So, what is your gripe? I’m losing track and
I think you might be too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go see a therapist. Some of this is your dad, some of this is you. And has nothing to do with politics. Maybe you don’t mean to, but you come across as narcissistic.

BTW, no one is going broke on a marijuana habit. I get the feeling if his hobby were fishing, you’d have an issue about how he bought himself a fishing pole and made you take out student loans. Basically, he’s supposed to foresake anything that brings him a little bit of pleasure for you. I hope you aren’t raising your own children the way you wanted to be treated. You sound like you want everything handed to you at someone else’s expense. As a lifelong Dem voter, I can’t stand this attitude -it gives fuel to people who don’t want to support social programs for the underprivileged.

Op here. People do go broke from buying marijuana. You have no idea what my childhood was like because of his drug habit. He could have provided us with a much better upbringing if he wasn't high all the time. He was feeling a little pleasure daily. That's not okay. Even if I didn't qualify for student loan forgiveness, I would still support others who do qualify.

You sound like a mess. Go to therapy.

I have been to therapy but I can't afford to go for years and years. Being high all the time isn't normal. It's not like going fishing. It impacted my childhood. My dad still operates this way even when he visits us out of state. The student loan things bring memories of when I was younger and he wasn't available financially or emotionally to help me. Growing up in the midwest without a car was very, very hard. We lived in an upper middle-class neighborhood and I was the only one in college and beyond without a car.

Zero sympathy about the car. A lot of us went to school without a car to rural campuses. Or bought super old cars at a bargain basement price and worked multiple jobs. Your story keeps shifting -I’ve never met someone from an UMC neighborhood on a Pell grant.

You sound like you want to be a perpetual victim and not an adult. You had a solution to the car problem, but didn’t want to take responsibility. You don’t want to pay student loans, you want someone else to fund that.

OP, the student loan forgiveness would help people, but it’s actually a complicated economic question (including the fact that it incentivizes colleges to raise tuition even more…if you have kids, that will be your problem eventually). But what I’m picking up here is not father/daughter political differences, but a grown woman who wants to lay down and keep playing the victim. Your life isn’t going to improve until you start taking ownership for it and stop laying everything on other people to fix.

Op here. Without a car it was very hard to find work, and ultimately, that's why I left college. I couldn't keep up with working full time and studying full time and the time on the bus. I did not take loans to pay rent or live on campus or pay for my meals. I went to a commuter state college. The fact that my dad was high all the time had a significant impact on my upbringing. I am not playing the victim. I have moved on. I moved out when I was 18 and never needed financial help from him. It was irresponsible for my dad to use the money on drugs when he could have helped us. He bought an older car for my older sister, for example. He continues to feed his drug habit and isn't saving for retirement. We lived in a nice neighborhood growing out because my grandmother owned the home. Now that I have children myself, I am growing angry at my dad, especially when he visits us out of state and manages to find drugs locally. He comes for two days at a time. I think it's selfish not to save at least a portion of money for your kids' education. I didn't grow up or attend college in cities with mass transportation so having a car was essential. Its not safe to take the bus late at night. I wouldn't want that for my children. I left college and moved to dc. I was okay in DC without a car because mass transportation is better and safer.

Op, that sounds rough and it took strength to push through that. Smoking weed all the time isn't okay. People are mean and sick on this forum. They aren't going to give you sympathy. I would be pissed if my parents brought weed to my house out of state. Personally, that's a reason to cut them off. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to their drug habit.

Yep. "People are mean and sick on this forum" for pointing out the obvious stupidity and entitlement displayed by OP. and defenders./ apologists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your latest post said you never needed Dad’s help. But your whole post is about how his not helping you was detrimental. So, what is your gripe? I’m losing track and
I think you might be too

Op here. There are many forms of support your parents can give you. My dad wasn't there for me financially or emotionally. I am doing okay now because I married at a young age. My younger brother wasn't as lucky. It took me a while to realize my family was so dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you ARE playing the victim.

Here’s the funny thing with college: in DC we all tend to feel we owe it to our kids. But ultimately, that is a value judgment. Plenty of people think you should find your own way in the world…a lot of kids get cut off at age 18. Some will join the military for the GI Bill, some will do ROTC on campus; some will work for a company that gives scholarships and use it at a community college. There are ways to make things happen.

You seem to be all about you. Have you ever bothered to contemplate what led to your dad’s drug dependence? Maybe he has mental health demons of his own, but you want to only see him as a selfish jerk who didn’t give you what you wanted. You don’t have to put up with the bad behavior. For your own good, though, trying to view him with some compassion rather than vitriol might be better for your own state of mind.

I was a victim as a child. That is true and you have no idea what it's like to grow up with parents who aren't present. Drug addicts are selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you ARE playing the victim.

Here’s the funny thing with college: in DC we all tend to feel we owe it to our kids. But ultimately, that is a value judgment. Plenty of people think you should find your own way in the world…a lot of kids get cut off at age 18. Some will join the military for the GI Bill, some will do ROTC on campus; some will work for a company that gives scholarships and use it at a community college. There are ways to make things happen.

You seem to be all about you. Have you ever bothered to contemplate what led to your dad’s drug dependence? Maybe he has mental health demons of his own, but you want to only see him as a selfish jerk who didn’t give you what you wanted. You don’t have to put up with the bad behavior. For your own good, though, trying to view him with some compassion rather than vitriol might be better for your own state of mind.

I was a victim as a child. That is true and you have no idea what it's like to grow up with parents who aren't present. Drug addicts are selfish.

Drug addicts are selfish. Those are your words.

I started my career in helping others overcome addiction after my brother died of a drug overdose. The very fact that you are so dismissive of addiction indicates you are not educated on the complexity and the many factors feeding an addict’s behavior. Please educate yourself. You do know that addiction tends to run in families, right? Maybe you haven’t succumbed to it, but you have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you ARE playing the victim.

Here’s the funny thing with college: in DC we all tend to feel we owe it to our kids. But ultimately, that is a value judgment. Plenty of people think you should find your own way in the world…a lot of kids get cut off at age 18. Some will join the military for the GI Bill, some will do ROTC on campus; some will work for a company that gives scholarships and use it at a community college. There are ways to make things happen.

You seem to be all about you. Have you ever bothered to contemplate what led to your dad’s drug dependence? Maybe he has mental health demons of his own, but you want to only see him as a selfish jerk who didn’t give you what you wanted. You don’t have to put up with the bad behavior. For your own good, though, trying to view him with some compassion rather than vitriol might be better for your own state of mind.

I was a victim as a child. That is true and you have no idea what it's like to grow up with parents who aren't present. Drug addicts are selfish.

OP, you are narcissistic. You have no idea what any of these PPs’ backgrounds are but you presume you are the only person who faced hardship. You don’t want advice, you want people to validate that all Republicans are evil, your dad is evil, and you are THE biggest victim ever. Life is hard for a lot of people, but you want to persist in believing that it is only hard for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you ARE playing the victim.

Here’s the funny thing with college: in DC we all tend to feel we owe it to our kids. But ultimately, that is a value judgment. Plenty of people think you should find your own way in the world…a lot of kids get cut off at age 18. Some will join the military for the GI Bill, some will do ROTC on campus; some will work for a company that gives scholarships and use it at a community college. There are ways to make things happen.

You seem to be all about you. Have you ever bothered to contemplate what led to your dad’s drug dependence? Maybe he has mental health demons of his own, but you want to only see him as a selfish jerk who didn’t give you what you wanted. You don’t have to put up with the bad behavior. For your own good, though, trying to view him with some compassion rather than vitriol might be better for your own state of mind.

I was a victim as a child. That is true and you have no idea what it's like to grow up with parents who aren't present. Drug addicts are selfish.

OK, but you should have started with this instead of going down political rabbit holes or the student loan rabbit hole.
At some point you will have to decide when enough is enough.
I had to cut off ties with a VERY passive aggressive older brother whom I bailed out financially several times, but he still went behind my back to poison relationships with my cousins who were obnoxious and vey opinionated.
I finally met with one cousin, shared facts ( he was speechless that the baby of the family was sticking up for himself), and at end of dinner/ meeting I respectfully, but firmly told him not to contact me, my wife, or our family again.
Word got back to my brother who said he wanted to make amends, but then said and immediately went to I should "let go of my anger".
That was when I knew I had to say goodbye.
He completely did not get it and I am much happier without him.and them.
You may need to go there. Only you can decide.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are all over the place. Your title focuses on student loans, as does your original post. Now, you are bringing up everything else. Your dad sucks, we get it. You do not need validation for how you feel but you do need to move on. You are a grown adult with children of your own. Please seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Politics sealed the deal on a non relationship with my dad this year too.

I knew he was conservative but we avoided political conversations at all costs out of mutual respect for each other. Well, that respect is down he drain. I SHOCKED that my dad was VEHEMENTLY for the abortion crack downs.

I'm a 32yo mother of 2 who almost died in birth with my second. I had pre-e with my first and HELPP syndrome with my second. My doctor said another pregnancy will be life threatening to me. I now have an IUD and Dh and I use condoms. On the 0.5% chance I get pregnant with my husband while taking multiple precautions, my dad thinks I should die and leave my kids without a mother. I truly truly cannot even comprehend the extend of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Politics sealed the deal on a non relationship with my dad this year too.

I knew he was conservative but we avoided political conversations at all costs out of mutual respect for each other. Well, that respect is down he drain. I SHOCKED that my dad was VEHEMENTLY for the abortion crack downs.

I'm a 32yo mother of 2 who almost died in birth with my second. I had pre-e with my first and HELPP syndrome with my second. My doctor said another pregnancy will be life threatening to me. I now have an IUD and Dh and I use condoms. On the 0.5% chance I get pregnant with my husband while taking multiple precautions, my dad thinks I should die and leave my kids without a mother. I truly truly cannot even comprehend the extend of that.

Op here. Gun control also pisses me off. It makes me so angry.

[Anonymous]

OP, everything makes you angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go see a therapist. Some of this is your dad, some of this is you. And has nothing to do with politics. Maybe you don’t mean to, but you come across as narcissistic.

BTW, no one is going broke on a marijuana habit. I get the feeling if his hobby were fishing, you’d have an issue about how he bought himself a fishing pole and made you take out student loans. Basically, he’s supposed to foresake anything that brings him a little bit of pleasure for you. I hope you aren’t raising your own children the way you wanted to be treated. You sound like you want everything handed to you at someone else’s expense. As a lifelong Dem voter, I can’t stand this attitude -it gives fuel to people who don’t want to support social programs for the underprivileged.

Op here. People do go broke from buying marijuana. You have no idea what my childhood was like because of his drug habit. He could have provided us with a much better upbringing if he wasn't high all the time. He was feeling a little pleasure daily. That's not okay. Even if I didn't qualify for student loan forgiveness, I would still support others who do qualify.

Wait wait wait - you are a college drop out, who owes student loans, and you blame your dad? I wish you could understand how pathological you sound. You blame your failures on other people, which is very childlike. All an external locus of control. If you had no car, get a job and buy one.