How to prevent lazy adult child from living with parents indefinitely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My kids are living with us as they start their career and saving money. Are they contributing to rent? No. Are they doing chores etc at home? No. Their job right now is to do well at work, learn all that they can, get more certifications and qualifications on the side, network with other professionals etc.

This is going to end very badly. It may be long enough in the future from now that you'll be able to deny that it's related. But it will be a disaster.

DP. Why do you think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would demand mine go to college

Same. You’re 18 you’re done living with us.

This is cruel. You need to set up your child for success. Not everyone wants or needs college and that’s okay. But you need to have a reason to want to get out of bed in the morning. Help your child find his passion. Something he’s naturally good at, that he enjoys, that he can make money doing. Hopefully with that will come friends/relationships and a desire to be independent.

Why is it cruel? He is a man and should be supporting himself or helping to support the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't raise your kids to leave the nest and go make their own way in the world at the age of 18, you should have, OP. Kind of late in the game to be wondering about this now. I raised my kids to be hard-working, independent men and women. My job is done when they turn 18. Good luck.

I feel like it is an entirely new job having a kid over 18. I have really had to dig deep at this time in my/their lives. More than I ever have as a parent. It is definitely not over.

[Anonymous]

I would give him two choices: either he goes to school or he gets a job. The trick is that you have to be willing to enforce that with severe consequences, lots of parents talk a good game but then stopped short of actually requiring action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give him two choices: either he goes to school or he gets a job. The trick is that you have to be willing to enforce that with severe consequences, lots of parents talk a good game but then stopped short of actually requiring action.

I think it’s kind of impossible for most parents to enforce this because most are unwilling to see their kid on the street or living in a car. All of these posts saying “require this or require that in order to live at home” kind of ignore the reality — if the kid doesn’t meet the requirement, then what? Are you willing to kick them out? I don’t think I could. I’d rather have a lazy kid living in my basement (I don’t have a basement, so it would be his childhood room) than a kid out on the street, even though it would suck and I’d be kicking myself. I wouldn’t give him anything other than food and a room, though. Of course, this is assuming we’ve tried everything else, counseling, screening for depression, talking about requirements of school/work (and hoping he won’t call my bluff), etc.

[Anonymous]

https://www.jobcorps.gov/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, There is very, very big demand in the economy for unskilled male labor type jobs.

My boyfriend's son is developmental issues and graduated from special ed in high school.

He went in and interviewed at a foreign car repair place. He is unskilled. He was offered $30,000 per year on the spot as a helper. He did not accept that job. He has a drivers license. He is working at a furniture store in the warehouse and also driving the delivery truck with another guy making deliveries. It pays $12 per hour but he is getting about $100 in cash tips per day. The delivery truck driver position only requires a standard license. Like the auto repair shop he was offered the warehouse/driving job on the spot at the time of his interview.

Once we got sonster looking around for jobs I realize that there are a ton of unskilled guy jobs available in the market place. Businesses are still desperate for workers.

This is definitely the case right now. Also, when a prior poster mentioned skilled trades, consider auto mechanic training. The previously mentioned plumbing, electrician, HVAC, etc. training is all in high demand as well.

For the OP, I think since your child is still so young having a grace period as they figure out what they want is fine. But requiring them to work, or take at least one course, is more than reasonable as long as they contribute to the house and are respectful of house rules. In some ways it's better than going off to school if they don't have a clear directon- that can lead to amassing a lot of debt and the kid remains directionless.

[Anonymous]

its often a tough choice to put kids out , i herd let them sink not drown....

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the whole thread. Has he NOT applied to college? Imho any parent who doesn't see that their graduating college senior applies to college, is -- failing as a parent. You don't know that he wouldn't graduate. He can go somewhere. If he graduates from high school, he can go to college somewhere.

It's different if he has applied, knows where he has gotten in, and has a plan going forward: college or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread. Has he NOT applied to college? Imho any parent who doesn't see that their graduating college senior applies to college, is -- failing as a parent. You don't know that he wouldn't graduate. He can go somewhere. If he graduates from high school, he can go to college somewhere.

It's different if he has applied, knows where he has gotten in, and has a plan going forward: college or not.

This thread is from two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charge rent. Don’t pay for things like car insurance (but do pay for health insurance if needed)

This. Maybe set up a timeline.
- 6 months - free rent
- then 1 year of relatively low rent
- then 1 year of close to real rent.

Also, make the kid responsible for real things. Cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child has never had much motivation or aspirations. Doesn’t care about money or partnering with anyone. He’s kind of a loner. Quiet. Harmless. Respects house rules. He’s not interested in pursuing college. Likes the idea of traveling, but isn’t a planner and lacks initiative. Bouts of depression as a teen.

He graduates this spring and has no plan, aside from keeping a part time job at a restaurant that he sometimes enjoys. He’s not cut for the military and probably won’t finish college. Earning potential isn’t promising.

Is there a program or opportunity we can look into to at least get him out of the house after he graduates? If we don’t have some sort of plan in place getting him to move out will get harder and harder as time passes.

Millions of American middle class to upper middle class and even rich teen boys like this need the military. I'm being dead serious. Four years will fly by. Rather they "waste" four years in the military and come out as men than waste the next 40 years being genetics dead-ends who fail to launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread. Has he NOT applied to college? Imho any parent who doesn't see that their graduating college senior applies to college, is -- failing as a parent. You don't know that he wouldn't graduate. He can go somewhere. If he graduates from high school, he can go to college somewhere.

It's different if he has applied, knows where he has gotten in, and has a plan going forward: college or not.

Maybe you should check the male college graduation rates. Millions of lazy unmotivated aimless teen boys just go away to college and sleep in, booze, do drugs, and/or just stay in their room playing video games all day. It's a complete waste of life and money. They don't need a free vacation to college, they need to enlist in the military and be forced to grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread. Has he NOT applied to college? Imho any parent who doesn't see that their graduating college senior applies to college, is -- failing as a parent. You don't know that he wouldn't graduate. He can go somewhere. If he graduates from high school, he can go to college somewhere.

It's different if he has applied, knows where he has gotten in, and has a plan going forward: college or not.

Not every kid is college material. It makes no sense to pursue it if your child is not capable.

[jsteele]

This is a two year old thread and, presumably, the situation has been resolved.