Neighbor child inappropriate touching 4yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

DP. Agree with this. It’s possible the 6 year old has been sexually abused.

[Anonymous]

I would consider moving, not over this particular incident, but over the general presence of this family. My children were once victims of a very disturbed boy in our elementary school, who had equally clueless parents. The school had to get involved after he attacked my toddler daughter at pick-up in front of everyone. After that he was escorted out of the school by an adult. Luckily my kids changed school clusters. I am convinced this boy we know will not grow up to be a safe person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd move. I'd totally move away from that evil monster.

You don't know that he is either evil or a monster. This child definitely needs more parental supervision because a 6 year old should not be allowed free range play and OP will also need to supervise her child's play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

But OP doesn't know that her child was "lured" away. Perhaps they played briefly outside the 6 year old's home first or in their home before the incident. Is it even certain that it was private? Dad didn't, and presumably couldn't intervene immediately, but it seems like he was close by.

Still very serious but this framing isn't the only possibility.

[Anonymous]

shut this sh&t down OP. I would be freaking out. this is all a BIG NO. I feel like you are not overreacting ENOUGH. make it clear to these parents their child is not allowed in your yard or around your kids. End of story. let the other neighbors know with kids as well as he will just find another victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

Agreed. Context is everything. If this was my child’s good friend, whom we’ve known forever and adore the parents and know there’s no history of trauma, etc. etc., I’d probably just shrug and say it’s a good time to teach the kids about bodily autonomy. But given what you’ve said here… I’d be very very concerned. No more unsupervised play for your four year old, and stay away from this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:shut this sh&t down OP. I would be freaking out. this is all a BIG NO. I feel like you are not overreacting ENOUGH. make it clear to these parents their child is not allowed in your yard or around your kids. End of story. let the other neighbors know with kids as well as he will just find another victim.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been having issues for years with a neighbor boy (6) being violent toward our kids. Examples include: hitting, pushing, bloodying nose, hitting with bike, etc. FWIW, the boy has been diagnosed with ODD. There’s also been problems in the neighborhood with him lying and stealing. We try to limit the amount that our children play with him based on these issues but it’s really difficult because the parents let him run wild and he will join whatever gang of kids is playing on the neighborhood. Several parents have spoken with this boys parents and they have agreed to watch the boy while he is playing with the children but even when they’re watching it doesn’t seem to stop the bad behavior.

Today I found out from the dad that the boy touched our four year old son on the penis while they were playing. Apparently the boy asked my son into his house and then showed his penis to my son. He asked him to show his penis too and then touched it and asked him to touch his.

I’m feeling very conflicted. I know some exploration is normal but given the age difference and this child’s other problems and the delight he takes in breaking rules This was the last straw for me in dealing with this boy and his constant strife, and I have let the parents know this is not appropriate and I don’t want their son alone with mine ever again. Obviously cannot stop him from playing in the neighborhood and it seems unfair to make my kids come in if he is out. But what else can I do? Some friends are telling me to report it, but that seems like too much. I don’t know what to think. Dcum am I overreacting? Underreacting? I don’t want to unfairly demonize a child but I want to keep my kids safe. My mom thinks we should move

How was the dad close enough to the situation to know what happened and yet not able to step in and stop them before that happened? Did he happen to walk in when this was happening? It’s good he told you about it bc I’m guessing many parents of “problem kids” would not say anything but I’m wondering what exactly happened and if the dad is being totally honest w you.

You said you know this kid has experienced trauma? How do you know that? Did his parents go around telling people that? I’m just trying to figure out whether or not you can trust these parents. I mean obviously they haven’t done a good job of supervising their kid but do they generally seem like honest, trustworthy people? In your shoes, I’d be very wary of not just the kid but the whole family.

And I think unfortunately (bc I feel sorry for the kid) you need to make it very clear that kid is not allowed in your house/yard or around your kids at all. And your kids need to understand they are not to ever leave your house/yard w anyone, go anywhere w anyone or go in anyones house without you.

[Anonymous]

Can they see into your yard or home to know that you were not out in the yard at that time? Can they see that you went in to cook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth is your 4 year old outside unsupervised? The fact that he went into this kids’ house and you didn’t know about it is pretty alarming. That’s on you, you need to be providing much more supervision than this at age 4

+1 this exactly. It couldn’t have happened if you were watching your 4 your old properly.

[Anonymous]

How did your son get into the other kid’s house without you knowing, since you would certainly have been diligent in watching him given the difficult past?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

DP. Agree with this. It’s possible the 6 year old has been sexually abused.

I had the same thoughts. I would be really stressed he came over and took your child inside and this happened. I think you should make your yard off limits to this child for a while at least. Maybe also talk to your pediatrician and see if they have any other thoughts; ours is very experienced and has good advice about who’s normal and not and when to start escalating things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone it’s op. I’m not a troll. I’m also not a helicopter mom, that is true. But I don’t let my four year old roam the neighborhood. I was inside when this happened and my kids were playing outside with a bunch of other kids in our fenced backyard. According to my son and our outdoor cameras the boy came and got him and took him over to his house. It took literally the time it takes for pasta water to boil because that’s what I’m inside doing when it happened. The other children did not notice he was gone and neither did I until the dad brought him back. Do none of you let your kids play in your backyard without watching them every second? I thought it was ok but now I see I’ll have to be more vigilant even in this scenario. .

At 4 with a crowd of other kids, long enough to boil water? No.

If your kid isn't old enough to be 100% on not leaving the yard without you, and many kids aren't at 4, then they don't play outside without an adult or a teenage babysitter unless there is a tall locking fence.

You made a mistake. You got really lucky that something worse didn't happen. Now you know to be outside for a few more years, because you put your kid in significant danger.

[Anonymous]

All the neighbor parents need to be aware of this. It won’t be an isolated incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:shut this sh&t down OP. I would be freaking out. this is all a BIG NO. I feel like you are not overreacting ENOUGH. make it clear to these parents their child is not allowed in your yard or around your kids. End of story. let the other neighbors know with kids as well as he will just find another victim.

Exactly.

This is a situation where you should assume the worst to protect your kid. That is not normal 6 year old behavior at all, it screams that the kid is being molested. That kid is messed up and can’t be around yours ever. Also, you need to assume the father is suspect and keep him away from your kid.