Neighbor child inappropriate touching 4yo

[Anonymous]

If you have a fence, you need to keep it locked. And you need to have strict rules that Problem Child is NOT allowed in your yard. You definitely need to have clear rules about leaving the yard or going into others’ homes, but more importantly you need ALL of the kids in the neighborhood know that PC is not allowed in your yard, ever, for any reason. If he comes into the yard, the kids need to alert you immediately so that you can escort him back home. If they fail to alert you and let him stay and play then they all get the consequence of having to stay inside the rest of the day (for your kids), or having to go play somewhere else (for neighbors). Pretty soon all the kids, including PC will figure out that he is not allowed in your yard/house and he will go play elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I appreciate even the harsh comments. This is a wake up call and I appreciate it. Can we turn specifically toward the touching part of the equation? IS this normal play or exploration between a 4/6yo? Does it change anything given the child’s other issues? Should I report it to someone if not?

I have talked to all my children in the past and again after this about appropriate touching and private areas and I bought a few kids books but is there anything else that I should do for my kids?

[Anonymous]

Fwiw the boy will be 7 in a few months but mine won’t be 5 until next may.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd move. I'd totally move away from that evil monster.

He's a struggling 6 year old. Not a monster.

No he’s a monster and this mom is an enabler

Six year olds cannot be monsters. He's being failed by the adults in his life. It's tragic.

Yes, they can. Not everything is nature and not everything is nurture, but you can’t act like monsters aren’t born when literally sociopaths walk among us.

You are really ignorant about child development and psychology. True sociopathy is extremely rare, and these types of personality disorders are almost always caused by early childhood trauma or poor parenting. People are not born evil. You watch too much tv.

We know, we know, your boy is “spirited” and just has “so much energy” and is “working out how to live in a school environment that is designed to stifle him.” We get it.

Op again. From what I understand if he does have significant trauma in his past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate even the harsh comments. This is a wake up call and I appreciate it. Can we turn specifically toward the touching part of the equation? IS this normal play or exploration between a 4/6yo? Does it change anything given the child’s other issues? Should I report it to someone if not?

I have talked to all my children in the past and again after this about appropriate touching and private areas and I bought a few kids books but is there anything else that I should do for my kids?

This is somewhat normal between two kids. The age difference isn’t enough to make it a “thing”.

Tell the dad his son is not allowed in your backyard. Ever. Whether you are supervising or not. You need to reiterate or tell your son he isn’t it allowed to leave your yard, or he can only play outside when you are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd move. I'd totally move away from that evil monster.

He's a struggling 6 year old. Not a monster.

No he’s a monster and this mom is an enabler

Six year olds cannot be monsters. He's being failed by the adults in his life. It's tragic.

Yes, they can. Not everything is nature and not everything is nurture, but you can’t act like monsters aren’t born when literally sociopaths walk among us.

You are really ignorant about child development and psychology. True sociopathy is extremely rare, and these types of personality disorders are almost always caused by early childhood trauma or poor parenting. People are not born evil. You watch too much tv.

We know, we know, your boy is “spirited” and just has “so much energy” and is “working out how to live in a school environment that is designed to stifle him.” We get it.

[Anonymous]

I think considering the parents have been asked to keep close tabs on their son due to multiple past issues this is a hightened concern. The 6 year old left his home. Entered into you fenced yard. Collected your 4 year old and took him back to his house. They went inside and the inappropriate touching occured. This all occured in a short period of time.

Have you talked to you child about how the 6 year old encouraged him to leave your yard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think considering the parents have been asked to keep close tabs on their son due to multiple past issues this is a hightened concern. The 6 year old left his home. Entered into you fenced yard. Collected your 4 year old and took him back to his house. They went inside and the inappropriate touching occured. This all occured in a short period of time.

Have you talked to you child about how the 6 year old encouraged him to leave your yard?

OP here. Yes I have talked to 4 yo. He knows he’s not allowed to leave the yard without telling me, and he knows that I don’t want him going out alone with this kid. Which makes it more difficult because I can’t get the full story out of him about how he was convinced to leave the yard because he knows he broke the rules and doesn’t want to get in trouble. This kid can be very persuasive, in the past I have seen it but I don’t have the information to fairly say that’s what happened this time.

But just typing that response out put some things in perspective to me. I’m going to follow my gut on this.

[Anonymous]

4yr old should not be outside of a fenced yard unsupervised. If the 4yr old is with a sibling, this is your wake up call that the sibling is not old enough yet to be responsible for a 4yr old.

Kids should never go in someone’s house without you knowing. If my kids transition from outside play to inside play, an adult at the other house texts me or I text them if I have their kids. My kids know which houses they are allowed in and which they are not.

This kid has issues. Issues that are not his fault and not his parents fault, but issues that impact your kids all the same. Maybe the touching is just more acting out, maybe the kid is being sexually abused. You have no way of knowing what is true and what is the parents’ spin on it. I would go further than not letting my kids play with this child. I would not let my child around the adults in that household in case the kid is being sexually abused. I feel bad for this kid and that he is becoming the neighborhood pariah, but your duty as a parent is to protect your kid and his parents duty is to get their kid help.

FWIW we have a kid a bit like this in the neighborhood and his parents totally know about and acknowledge his challenges. Because they don’t want him to be a pariah, they closely supervise him and suggest activities or games that they anticipate will be successful. They watch him like a hawk and remove him before anyone gets hurt. He’s 9 now and has real friends and has made huge strides. When they were 6 my kid was terrified of him. It makes me sad that the kid in your neighborhood is not getting the emotional and social support he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate even the harsh comments. This is a wake up call and I appreciate it. Can we turn specifically toward the touching part of the equation? IS this normal play or exploration between a 4/6yo? Does it change anything given the child’s other issues? Should I report it to someone if not?

I have talked to all my children in the past and again after this about appropriate touching and private areas and I bought a few kids books but is there anything else that I should do for my kids?

This is somewhat normal between two kids. The age difference isn’t enough to make it a “thing”.

Tell the dad his son is not allowed in your backyard. Ever. Whether you are supervising or not. You need to reiterate or tell your son he isn’t it allowed to leave your yard, or he can only play outside when you are available.

+1, this in and of itself isn’t out of the realm of normal. I know it seems to you like this kid is way older and has nefarious intentions, but 6/7 is still very much a young kid and this kind of thing isn’t extreme or particularly unusual. It sounds like you’ve had other issues with this kid, so I agree I’d take proactive steps to distance and separate, even if you feel like you’re being “rude.” I also find the conveying of the story a little troubling, what’s the deal with the dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd move. I'd totally move away from that evil monster.

He's a struggling 6 year old. Not a monster.

No he’s a monster and this mom is an enabler

Six year olds cannot be monsters. He's being failed by the adults in his life. It's tragic.

Yes, they can. Not everything is nature and not everything is nurture, but you can’t act like monsters aren’t born when literally sociopaths walk among us.

You are really ignorant about child development and psychology. True sociopathy is extremely rare, and these types of personality disorders are almost always caused by early childhood trauma or poor parenting. People are not born evil. You watch too much tv.

We know, we know, your boy is “spirited” and just has “so much energy” and is “working out how to live in a school environment that is designed to stifle him.” We get it.

Kids change. They grow. Some "monsters" grow into really nice young men. Most do.

Some nice, docile, rule followers go bezerk in their teen years.

You should knock on wood, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate even the harsh comments. This is a wake up call and I appreciate it. Can we turn specifically toward the touching part of the equation? IS this normal play or exploration between a 4/6yo? Does it change anything given the child’s other issues? Should I report it to someone if not?

I have talked to all my children in the past and again after this about appropriate touching and private areas and I bought a few kids books but is there anything else that I should do for my kids?

You know damn well it's normal. You do sound like a troll, guiding people back to what interests you. You are obviously online so you can google this for yourself if you have no memory of your own childhood and no close friends or family members who have shared their experiences with you. There is no "reporting" it. It was between two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate even the harsh comments. This is a wake up call and I appreciate it. Can we turn specifically toward the touching part of the equation? IS this normal play or exploration between a 4/6yo? Does it change anything given the child’s other issues? Should I report it to someone if not?

I have talked to all my children in the past and again after this about appropriate touching and private areas and I bought a few kids books but is there anything else that I should do for my kids?

You know damn well it's normal. You do sound like a troll, guiding people back to what interests you. You are obviously online so you can google this for yourself if you have no memory of your own childhood and no close friends or family members who have shared their experiences with you. There is no "reporting" it. It was between two kids.

Wtf

[Anonymous]

The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason it feels abnormal is the specific sequence of events—he left his home, found your son, lured him away from the group, found a private location, then engaged in this series of inappropriate actions in a span of 15 minutes, gradually ramping up (exposing himself, then son, then touching son, then asking to be touched). So while nothing has happened YET that is traumatic or dangerous to your son, this behavior feels much more intentional than normal body play for those ages, and it seems very likely that he will escalate, if given the chance. I wouldn’t call CPS, but I would contact the guidance counselor at the school this fall and report the situation so someone with more context and experience has eyes on this situation.

I do think the specifics make it more concerning than if the same thing happened with two kids who were hanging out alone in a room on a playdate. I also have questions about the dad. How did he find out, how did he react, what was his attitude when he shared this with op?