How do you do it with no family around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not have any family around because we are immigrant. I was SAH so I did not have pressures of office but I also had the following -

1) DH who pitched in whole heartedly with parenting and household duties. We are a very good team
2) House cleaner twice a week who also did other chores like laundry and food prep. Paid hourly.
3) A cook who came once a week to make several entrees. Paid hourly.
4) A person who mowed our lawn. A handyman on call for basic home repairs. A college student who did the following errands for us - taking cars for car maintainence and wash, picking and dropping our drycleaning, buying groceries...

Sounds rough...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

So SAHM should be your free babysitter and free food for neighborhood children? I don't think so. I would never have sent my children to neighbor's house saying, "My mom sent me over to play and eat lunch with Larlo/larla. Every week one mother needed me to pick up her kid and keep him until she "could pick him up which would be after 9 or 10 pm.". No. Your kid is not my responsibility. A true emergency is not meeting client for drinks and dinner.

My point is that far too many of you take advantage of neighbors/friends so you probably treat your relatives like maids.

[Anonymous]

We hired a wonderful and loving nanny who is like a grandmother to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

So SAHM should be your free babysitter and free food for neighborhood children? I don't think so. I would never have sent my children to neighbor's house saying, "My mom sent me over to play and eat lunch with Larlo/larla. Every week one mother needed me to pick up her kid and keep him until she "could pick him up which would be after 9 or 10 pm.". No. Your kid is not my responsibility. A true emergency is not meeting client for drinks and dinner.

My point is that far too many of you take advantage of neighbors/friends so you probably treat your relatives like maids.

I’m a SAHM and none of my friends have taken advantage of me like that. You have bad friends. And you know what they say…you attract what you are…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

But it takes a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

So SAHM should be your free babysitter and free food for neighborhood children? I don't think so. I would never have sent my children to neighbor's house saying, "My mom sent me over to play and eat lunch with Larlo/larla. Every week one mother needed me to pick up her kid and keep him until she "could pick him up which would be after 9 or 10 pm.". No. Your kid is not my responsibility. A true emergency is not meeting client for drinks and dinner.

My point is that far too many of you take advantage of neighbors/friends so you probably treat your relatives like maids.

I’m a SAHM and none of my friends have taken advantage of me like that. You have bad friends. And you know what they say…you attract what you are…

I’ve had people do it but they were not my friends. I might help out a few times but that’s it. I don’t mind helping someone that will help me out on the rare occasion I need it but I will not be used. Nor do I even want to do it for pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

So SAHM should be your free babysitter and free food for neighborhood children? I don't think so. I would never have sent my children to neighbor's house saying, "My mom sent me over to play and eat lunch with Larlo/larla. Every week one mother needed me to pick up her kid and keep him until she "could pick him up which would be after 9 or 10 pm.". No. Your kid is not my responsibility. A true emergency is not meeting client for drinks and dinner.

My point is that far too many of you take advantage of neighbors/friends so you probably treat your relatives like maids.

Meh…you just send the kids back saying not today. If you work, you need back up care or you or your spouse need to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

So SAHM should be your free babysitter and free food for neighborhood children? I don't think so. I would never have sent my children to neighbor's house saying, "My mom sent me over to play and eat lunch with Larlo/larla. Every week one mother needed me to pick up her kid and keep him until she "could pick him up which would be after 9 or 10 pm.". No. Your kid is not my responsibility. A true emergency is not meeting client for drinks and dinner.

My point is that far too many of you take advantage of neighbors/friends so you probably treat your relatives like maids.

Uh...no. The PP's point was that family help is multidimensional and not just about being owed or taking advantage of people. My mom was a SAHM so she didn't have issues with school closure childcare or whatever, but did find it hard not to have anyone around to help make day to day life a little easier like many of her friends with willing parents did in a variety of ways. She and I bond over this sometimes, I wasnt able to find a job in the rural area where I grew up so yes, my choices took me far away, but it would be nice to be closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I begged my husband for help and he was too cheap. I still have PTSD and resentment toward my mother and MIL

It has nothing to do with them, they raised their kids already. You should be mad at yourself for not making your own money that you can spend how you want, instead of having to beg a man.

[Anonymous]

We have family close by but they are useless. Hire help and figure it out

[Anonymous]

2 kids under 4 (3 and 9 months) and 2 dogs. We have a FT nanny (8-6 pm), 3 year old is in preschool from 8:30-11:30 am, and a cleaning person every other week. We both work a lot and are really clean and pretty organized. We may have a third in the next year, but 2 is really hard if you and your spouse have demanding jobs and no family help. Our HHI is near $600K and childcare eats up a lot of it. We rarely do date nights (once every 3-6 months), because it feels indulgent on top of having a nanny. That’s what I think would be nice about having family close by- the ability to hand off the kids for a few hours here and there. Not FT childcare, just getting a breather once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had my mom come for extended periods when I had an infant. Now she comes at least one weekend every other month to babysit. Even if parents are out of state they will probably want to come help. And don't forget about siblings; grandparents aren't the only ones who can help out.

Did you pay your mother and your siblings?

She would refuse. I always offered.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a twin. His parents arranged to work split shifts to eliminate the need for sitters. Nothing like twin boys and no help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips I would appreciate

You had nine months to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it’s not that hard, you just can’t compare your situation to your friends who have family nearby. Just find a daycare you like, and the rest will fall into place.