Dad's housecleaner asked to quit - long text exchange

[Anonymous]

I would suggest getting the housekeeping for two times a week to keep on top of it. The father likely has depression right now which is why the house is falling apart.

My neighbour has a full time housekeeper essentially to clean and cook for him. She was a homecare worker who basically quit her job to just do stuff for him. It is cheaper than moving into a retirement home, she makes more than before, and his freezer is full of meals for the weekends. He has Parkinsons but is still mobile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The housecleaner wants to quit. Don't call her and guilt her into staying in a job she doesn't like anymore. I would go to my dad's house and see how things stand. Then get a new cleaner to come once a week. Maybe your dad is depressed and not doing the basic upkeep.

This. Sounds like your dad has been relying on this once a week housekeeper to be his daily housekeeper. He just lets the daily stuff pile up for her. And yeah, airflow makes me think then place might be disgusting. You need to drive over and assess what’s going on. And we’re all busy, OP. You don’t need to keep saying you work full time and have two young kids.

It was mentioned once, in the original post.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. Thanks to anyone who offered genuine replies--I really appreciate it.
I know DCUM and anonymity brings out the mean in some folks, so ignoring those.

I went to his house yesterday unexpectedly. It was fine. Maybe more cluttered with mail and newspapers than my mom would have done, but hardly an unsafe/filthy mess. I then spoke to my sister who thinks this was his cleaner's way of asking for more money (which my dad offered in the text). So...I guess I will wait and see. As for the title: Her text literally "asked to quit"--verbatim. That's why I used that phrasing.

I'd ask overall that people adopt a kinder tone on this board, where people are dealing with heavy stuff and are vulnerable. There are other forums or venues to get out the competitive spirit, like debate or sports.

[Anonymous]

Would your dad be willing to use paper plates?

Also, I think the idea to declutter is probably good. Set up a system for mail and newspapers for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Thanks to anyone who offered genuine replies--I really appreciate it.
I know DCUM and anonymity brings out the mean in some folks, so ignoring those.

I went to his house yesterday unexpectedly. It was fine. Maybe more cluttered with mail and newspapers than my mom would have done, but hardly an unsafe/filthy mess. I then spoke to my sister who thinks this was his cleaner's way of asking for more money (which my dad offered in the text). So...I guess I will wait and see. As for the title: Her text literally "asked to quit"--verbatim. That's why I used that phrasing.

I'd ask overall that people adopt a kinder tone on this board, where people are dealing with heavy stuff and are vulnerable. There are other forums or venues to get out the competitive spirit, like debate or sports.

I'm not sure how you would have known the literal text when you started the thread, given that you also wrote this:

Anonymous wrote:
She is, but she has a younger helper or two. I am not sure how my dad handled the text exchange -- he related everything to me over the phone -- and I hope he didn't make her feel bad. He seemed extremely frantic and upset about it. I wish I had her # and may need to ask him for it but also don't want to infantilize him or jump into his affairs too much.

But be that as it may, it sounds like she is not the right fit for him. If the place is not terrible, and if you are offering payment in line with typical compensation for this level of work in that region, it should not be hard to find someone else.

Best wishes with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just find a new weekly housecleaner.

TBH, it sounds like this one fell into a sweet gig and now that there's more work, she's no longer interested. Or is fishing for more $$.

My mom travels a lot with friends. My dad hates traveling so he stays home. If she's gone for a week or so, I go over to check in on him because he can be somewhat helpless/clueless. He'll let dishes pile up until he has no utensils left... and then go through all of the plasticware he can find before doing a dish. He'll leave empty cups around and his discarded clothes on the floor. He's just used to my mom doing those things.

Last time she was gone and I went over, he'd been eating local takeout for 3 days in a row because he had no clean dishes and "they always give me a fork with my order!" I asked why he didn't just do dishes... there was no dish soap. I asked why he didn't go buy more... he didn't know what "flavor" she liked to use and didn't want to buy the wrong one so it was easier to order food with a utensil.

I asked why he didn't buy some plasticware at the store and he said that thought never occurred to him.

I sometimes think a big part of the reason I'm a lesbian is because I could never imagine myself being with a guy like my dad who was so clueless/helpless, ha. I mean, I'm joking, but yeah.

Most men are not that helpless. Your dad sounds like he lacks executive functioning skills.