Is it normal to make fun of other people’s children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

NP, you can spin it anyway you like. But trash talk is trash talk. I have no spouse, so I suppose I’m not allowed but you have a pass.

Yes, this is one of the benefits of getting married. Sorry. I suppose you could develop a very close and confidential relationship with a friend, sibling, or parent that would be the same. As long as both parties understand that you cannot share the content of that conversation beyond the two of you, it's not trash talk. But just talking about friends to other friends without that expectation of confidentiality? It's totally different than confiding in your spouse.

What OP describes -- a group of friends sitting around and idly discussing the children and parenting of a friend who is not there -- is trash talk. Privately saying to my husband after spending time with friends "Wow, Timmy was really out of control tonight -- I feel like Jim and Susan could be doing a better job of helping him behave" is not. Jim, Susan, and Timmy will never hear what I said to my husband. It will have no impact on them whatsoever, and actually getting it off my chest might make it easier for me to keep a neutral face when I interact with them again. But OP's friends talking about mutual friends? That impacts their reputation in the group, and the number of people involve, and the casualness of the gossip, makes it highly likely that the people being gossiped about (including the kids) will find out what what was said.

You have to be thoughtful about how you discuss others in a negative light, and yes, one way to do this is to only make these negative comments to a spouse or other trusted confidant. Sorry that you are not married, if that's what you want, but this is the reality.

I could not get beyond how you state that as long as all agree to not repeat, then it’s not trash talk. You talk about reality, you are outside of reality.
It’s really entertaining how you keep coming up with scenarios that fit your attempts to justify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine what they say about you. They do not seem like a good group of people.

You just did what they do. One in the same.

Is this one poster who doesn't understand the concept of gossip or several? The replies in this thread are bonkers.

For the record: judging the behavior of anonymous strangers on an anonymous message board is not gossip. People are allowed to have opinions. The PP here (not me) has shared an opinion -- you can argue with it or not, but that's all it is. She doesn't know these people, she's not gossiping about them or "trash talking" them. She's just offering an opinion, which was precisely what was solicited by the OP.

Meanwhile, talking about your friends behind their back, with other people who know them, is gossip. Maybe you are okay with that, maybe you think it's fine unless the subject is kids, maybe you think it's always terrible. But it is different than what PP has said here because there are social consequences for everyone involved. These are not "just opinions". They have the potential to damage reputations and relationships. If the opinions veer too far from facts, they can also be destructive by spreading untruths. Gossip among friends is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than sharing an opinion about anonymous strangers online. These are not in the same category.

If this distinction makes you feel defensive, I suggest you ask why you are so eager to defend gossip and malign anyone who doesn't like it. I think maybe you know your gossiping is a problem, or you've gotten in trouble over it before, and you are acting out instead of making yourself accountable for your own behavior. Just my opinion (not gossip, since I don't know you).

NP, you inadvertently made the case against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

You really need therapy. You can not let go of this red shirting obsession you have. It is clear who is not too bright.

Here’s the phd in psychology poster popping up when they disagree on this forum. It’s the popular “you need therapy” or the other popular “you have mental illness.”

There is a poster here who is obsessed with red shirting. That poster has some serious mental issues and needs therapy.

Not unlike yourself.

Ah, you're the one who is obsessed. Get therapy girl.

Give the name of your therapist, girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

Freedom of Speech doesn’t mean you can make fun at anyone, diss children, or insult anyone.

That’s exactly what it means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

This is America and OP can be nosey if she wants (tho I don’t think it’s nosey to simply hear the things people say to you in your presence, but whatever), she can ask and complain about this behavior if she wants, she can judge people who engage in it.

Quit YOUR whining.

Of course she can say whatever she wants but she’s the one complaining that they didn’t care about her opinion. You can say what you want but people might not like it that’s the way it works. If you don’t like what they say don’t hang out with them, stop whining about what they said though because they have a right to make fun of it just like she has a right to complain about them on dcum. OP needs to find new friends and stop being mad about what people say in her presence.

[Anonymous]

Oh this went a different way than I expected. I was going to say of COURSE we make fun of our friends' kids, but with their parents. I'd jump in front of traffic for any of these kids, but elementary kids say some wild stuff and we definitely make fun of them.

But never in a mean-spirited way, and not about another kid without their parent also making fun of their own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

Is this a Russian bot? "This is America" where you are free to be an a-hole with no one complaining? No. You can be an a-hole, but people will stop being your friend.

Sounds like op is the one that isn’t going to have any friends

[Anonymous]

I think the smack-talking friends found this thread. It's the only way the responses here make sense. Of course you don't make fun of other people's kids behind their backs, this isn't even a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not normal. That's horrible.

Lol +1. What’s the point of this post? Yes, there’s pretty insensitive people out there. Do you want a pat on the back, OP? Or what are you looking to get feedback on?

What's the point of this response? You aren't clear on what OP wants feedback on? I thought it was pretty clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this with friends.

I have one friend who does talk about kids with very poor behavior. She tries to avoid the bad kids.

Yeah, this isn't better. My SIL l-- and unfortunately now my (just now adult) nieces-- have made this the family pastime. I guess it didn't strike me as quite so repellant and unflattering (to my SIL) when I was younger and before I had kids (she's been my SIL for 25 years-- my kid is only 10). But it is really gross and reeks of insecurity. She gossips and complains about other people's parenting and the kids themselves, using really judgmental language. Part of it is almost affectionate at times, when she talks about her (blood) nieces and nephews. Like let me tell you about this appalling behavior and how indulgent and bad my brother and his wife are (applies to two different brothers), but with a tiny bit of indirect "the kid's got spunk" in there. So I used to think it was sort of a cultural (Midwest white) or family cultural thing. But it's... not. She's severely, severely judgmental. And I KNOW she talks sh!t about my own kid (also her niece!) and my parenting behind my back. If I didn't, it wouldn't be hard to guess! I've never heard of a single kid or parent escaping unscathed. There's always something to pick on.

Rather than the occasional hint of affection demonstrating that this is just her way of intentionally not letting anyone get too big for their britches (as if she doesn't really mean it, and she sure does love them!), I think it demonstrates that she does care about the kids, of course, on some level-- but it's compulsive with her. She's basically-- sadly-- pretty miserable. And she will sometimes admit to her own faults as a parent, too. She's actually a decent and even good mom in most respects and her kids are great, but she's filled with shame and cannot stop putting others down.

Oh, and she's a teacher! Naturally.

I don't have to stand for her behavior, though, and I won't. I walk away and I avoid allowing my kid to listen to it.

Btw! It's not as if I never ever comment on others' parenting or that I'm perfectly nonjudgmental. But not about CHILDREN themselves, or only rarely, and not without considering what they're going through. And frankly, not even about parents except if I see them being cruel or neglectful. And certainly not to more than DH or one friend in confidence. Not as a social bonding tool, not as a semi-public shaming event or for entertainment. Gross.

Omg you really had to type out this long boring post. No one cares.

no u

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

oh hai it's u again