Is it normal to make fun of other people’s children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this with friends.

I have one friend who does talk about kids with very poor behavior. She tries to avoid the bad kids.

Yeah, this isn't better. My SIL l-- and unfortunately now my (just now adult) nieces-- have made this the family pastime. I guess it didn't strike me as quite so repellant and unflattering (to my SIL) when I was younger and before I had kids (she's been my SIL for 25 years-- my kid is only 10). But it is really gross and reeks of insecurity. She gossips and complains about other people's parenting and the kids themselves, using really judgmental language. Part of it is almost affectionate at times, when she talks about her (blood) nieces and nephews. Like let me tell you about this appalling behavior and how indulgent and bad my brother and his wife are (applies to two different brothers), but with a tiny bit of indirect "the kid's got spunk" in there. So I used to think it was sort of a cultural (Midwest white) or family cultural thing. But it's... not. She's severely, severely judgmental. And I KNOW she talks sh!t about my own kid (also her niece!) and my parenting behind my back. If I didn't, it wouldn't be hard to guess! I've never heard of a single kid or parent escaping unscathed. There's always something to pick on.

Rather than the occasional hint of affection demonstrating that this is just her way of intentionally not letting anyone get too big for their britches (as if she doesn't really mean it, and she sure does love them!), I think it demonstrates that she does care about the kids, of course, on some level-- but it's compulsive with her. She's basically-- sadly-- pretty miserable. And she will sometimes admit to her own faults as a parent, too. She's actually a decent and even good mom in most respects and her kids are great, but she's filled with shame and cannot stop putting others down.

Oh, and she's a teacher! Naturally.

I don't have to stand for her behavior, though, and I won't. I walk away and I avoid allowing my kid to listen to it.

Btw! It's not as if I never ever comment on others' parenting or that I'm perfectly nonjudgmental. But not about CHILDREN themselves, or only rarely, and not without considering what they're going through. And frankly, not even about parents except if I see them being cruel or neglectful. And certainly not to more than DH or one friend in confidence. Not as a social bonding tool, not as a semi-public shaming event or for entertainment. Gross.

[Anonymous]

I overhear parents talking about other kids on the soccer team frequently.

When they get especially mean, I make a sound like *ahem* to make them aware that they are being loud.

I don't say anything because everyone is entitled to their (shitty) opinions.

I'm always amazed at the number of moms who body shame the boys. I think, gosh, if they're this terrible to boys, what must they say about and to their daughters?

"Can you believe Ellen has let Gregory get that big? He has moobs! When he was at Austin's birthday party, he ate 4 slices of pizza, you know?"

[Anonymous]

No. That’s disgusting and so, so sad.

[Anonymous]

You should have kept your mouth shut and walked away. What other people talk about is absolutely none of your business. Stop being nose your

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut and walked away. What other people talk about is absolutely none of your business. Stop being nose your

OP was with them, not eavesdropping. Also, do you think that the behavior that OP describes is acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have kept your mouth shut and walked away. What other people talk about is absolutely none of your business. Stop being nose your

OP was with them, not eavesdropping. Also, do you think that the behavior that OP describes is acceptable?

Doesn’t matter what I think about acceptability of the conversation. What they say is none of my business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this with friends.

I have one friend who does talk about kids with very poor behavior. She tries to avoid the bad kids.

Yeah, this isn't better. My SIL l-- and unfortunately now my (just now adult) nieces-- have made this the family pastime. I guess it didn't strike me as quite so repellant and unflattering (to my SIL) when I was younger and before I had kids (she's been my SIL for 25 years-- my kid is only 10). But it is really gross and reeks of insecurity. She gossips and complains about other people's parenting and the kids themselves, using really judgmental language. Part of it is almost affectionate at times, when she talks about her (blood) nieces and nephews. Like let me tell you about this appalling behavior and how indulgent and bad my brother and his wife are (applies to two different brothers), but with a tiny bit of indirect "the kid's got spunk" in there. So I used to think it was sort of a cultural (Midwest white) or family cultural thing. But it's... not. She's severely, severely judgmental. And I KNOW she talks sh!t about my own kid (also her niece!) and my parenting behind my back. If I didn't, it wouldn't be hard to guess! I've never heard of a single kid or parent escaping unscathed. There's always something to pick on.

Rather than the occasional hint of affection demonstrating that this is just her way of intentionally not letting anyone get too big for their britches (as if she doesn't really mean it, and she sure does love them!), I think it demonstrates that she does care about the kids, of course, on some level-- but it's compulsive with her. She's basically-- sadly-- pretty miserable. And she will sometimes admit to her own faults as a parent, too. She's actually a decent and even good mom in most respects and her kids are great, but she's filled with shame and cannot stop putting others down.

Oh, and she's a teacher! Naturally.

I don't have to stand for her behavior, though, and I won't. I walk away and I avoid allowing my kid to listen to it.

Btw! It's not as if I never ever comment on others' parenting or that I'm perfectly nonjudgmental. But not about CHILDREN themselves, or only rarely, and not without considering what they're going through. And frankly, not even about parents except if I see them being cruel or neglectful. And certainly not to more than DH or one friend in confidence. Not as a social bonding tool, not as a semi-public shaming event or for entertainment. Gross.

Omg you really had to type out this long boring post. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

Freedom of Speech doesn’t mean you can make fun at anyone, diss children, or insult anyone.

[Anonymous]

It’s tacky and awful but I think it is actually VERY common.

It’s usually easy to spot people like this though. They’ve been doing it since before anyone they know had kids. They are the people gossiping idly about a friend’s marriage when she isn’t around, who make fun of how coworkers dress or talk behind their backs. Some people instinctively put down others to puff themselves up, and use mean gossip to bond themselves to others. Then when they and their peers have kids, this behavior just extends to parenting and, yes, children.

I do actually think some people finally realize what the problem with this behavior is when the targets are kids, and finally grow out if it. After all, what if someone talks about their own kids that way? This is one of the ways becoming a parent can force some folks to finally mature.

But many don’t. They’ll do this until they die. They’ll be talking about how their neighbor in the nursing home thinks her new hairstyle looks good but it doesn’t, how their nephew’s fiancé seems like an idiot, how the orderly who doesn’t show up probably got fired for stealing pills. This is just how some people are. It’s actually very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop being mosey and butting into other people’s private conversations, you won’t have any friends left if you become the speech police. This is America they can diss kids if they want, you can also leave if you don’t want to hear it. Quit your whining

This is America and OP can be nosey if she wants (tho I don’t think it’s nosey to simply hear the things people say to you in your presence, but whatever), she can ask and complain about this behavior if she wants, she can judge people who engage in it.

Quit YOUR whining.

[Anonymous]

Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

[Anonymous]

You know the thread asking about everyone’s trashy behavior?

People who do this are super trashy.

[Anonymous]

All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.