Is it normal to make fun of other people’s children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

You really need therapy. You can not let go of this red shirting obsession you have. It is clear who is not too bright.

Here’s the phd in psychology poster popping up when they disagree on this forum. It’s the popular “you need therapy” or the other popular “you have mental illness.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

Oh, you get to define trash talking by who you’re doing it with. If it’s with your spouse, it’s not but if it’s with a friend, it is. Therefore, trash talk is trash talk but not.
I see how you’ve found a loophole that works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

NP, you can spin it anyway you like. But trash talk is trash talk. I have no spouse, so I suppose I’m not allowed but you have a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

If you don’t like yeah talking, why are you and your spouse doing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

You really need therapy. You can not let go of this red shirting obsession you have. It is clear who is not too bright.

Here’s the phd in psychology poster popping up when they disagree on this forum. It’s the popular “you need therapy” or the other popular “you have mental illness.”

There is a poster here who is obsessed with red shirting. That poster has some serious mental issues and needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Imagine what they say about you. They do not seem like a good group of people.

[Anonymous]

*trash, not yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

You really need therapy. You can not let go of this red shirting obsession you have. It is clear who is not too bright.

Here’s the phd in psychology poster popping up when they disagree on this forum. It’s the popular “you need therapy” or the other popular “you have mental illness.”

There is a poster here who is obsessed with red shirting. That poster has some serious mental issues and needs therapy.

Not unlike yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All who are pretending to have done so are fibbers.

I’m guessing you meant that everyone saying they have not trash talked other people’s kids are lying. This says a lot about you.

I remember before I even had kids, a colleague of mine said something rude about a mutual friend’s parenting/kid. I thought it was out of line but didn’t say anything because I didn’t have kids and felt like “well maybe if I had kids I’d get it.”

Nope. Now that I have kids I’m MORE bothered, not less. Especially because I learned later that the child in question is ASD. I have nothing but empathy for both a child dealing with ASD and a parent working to guide that child. My own kid has early signs of ADHD. You know people are judging your kid, and also judging your parenting. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate.

I also think it’s extra bad that these people are gossiping about friends and friends’ kids. That makes it much worse IMO. I’d never make fun of a friend’s child or parenting. If I had negative opinions, I’d discuss it with my DH in private. But I would never make a joke like that to mutual friends. It’s immature and potentially quite cruel, if it ever got back to them.

So way down in you dissertation you admitted that you talk about other’s kids.

It’s always funny to me when people on here complain about having to read 3-4 paragraphs. “Your post took my 40-60 seconds to read” is not the sick burn you think it is.

Anyway, confiding in your spouse about a friend’s kid or parenting is not at all the same as trash talking your friends’ kids to other friends. If that distinction is hard for you, I guess not even a “dissertation” can help you.

Only you can talk about other’s kids and you get to decide to whom. Got it. That’s for not posting another dissertation. By the way, if you’re so righteous as you hypocritically claim to be, why are attempting to “sick burn.”

Your reading comprehension skills are poor.

No, it’s crystal clear that you say you can trash talk about kids to your husband but others cannot trash talk kids with their friends. You can’t handle being called out on your hypocrisy.

Talking to your spouse is not trash talk unless your spouse is going to go gossip about it with others (in which case your spouse is also trashy). Talking to friends about other friends is always trashy. This isn't even limited to kids, this is just how it works. I am baffled as to how you might not understand this.

NP, you can spin it anyway you like. But trash talk is trash talk. I have no spouse, so I suppose I’m not allowed but you have a pass.

Yes, this is one of the benefits of getting married. Sorry. I suppose you could develop a very close and confidential relationship with a friend, sibling, or parent that would be the same. As long as both parties understand that you cannot share the content of that conversation beyond the two of you, it's not trash talk. But just talking about friends to other friends without that expectation of confidentiality? It's totally different than confiding in your spouse.

What OP describes -- a group of friends sitting around and idly discussing the children and parenting of a friend who is not there -- is trash talk. Privately saying to my husband after spending time with friends "Wow, Timmy was really out of control tonight -- I feel like Jim and Susan could be doing a better job of helping him behave" is not. Jim, Susan, and Timmy will never hear what I said to my husband. It will have no impact on them whatsoever, and actually getting it off my chest might make it easier for me to keep a neutral face when I interact with them again. But OP's friends talking about mutual friends? That impacts their reputation in the group, and the number of people involve, and the casualness of the gossip, makes it highly likely that the people being gossiped about (including the kids) will find out what what was said.

You have to be thoughtful about how you discuss others in a negative light, and yes, one way to do this is to only make these negative comments to a spouse or other trusted confidant. Sorry that you are not married, if that's what you want, but this is the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most often it’s the making fun of the kids who are redshirted. It’s obvious with some as they are quite big in contrast to their classmates
They carry burden of being thought of as not too bright.

You really need therapy. You can not let go of this red shirting obsession you have. It is clear who is not too bright.

Here’s the phd in psychology poster popping up when they disagree on this forum. It’s the popular “you need therapy” or the other popular “you have mental illness.”

There is a poster here who is obsessed with red shirting. That poster has some serious mental issues and needs therapy.

Not unlike yourself.

Ah, you're the one who is obsessed. Get therapy girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine what they say about you. They do not seem like a good group of people.

You just did what they do. One in the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine what they say about you. They do not seem like a good group of people.

You just did what they do. One in the same.

Is this one poster who doesn't understand the concept of gossip or several? The replies in this thread are bonkers.

For the record: judging the behavior of anonymous strangers on an anonymous message board is not gossip. People are allowed to have opinions. The PP here (not me) has shared an opinion -- you can argue with it or not, but that's all it is. She doesn't know these people, she's not gossiping about them or "trash talking" them. She's just offering an opinion, which was precisely what was solicited by the OP.

Meanwhile, talking about your friends behind their back, with other people who know them, is gossip. Maybe you are okay with that, maybe you think it's fine unless the subject is kids, maybe you think it's always terrible. But it is different than what PP has said here because there are social consequences for everyone involved. These are not "just opinions". They have the potential to damage reputations and relationships. If the opinions veer too far from facts, they can also be destructive by spreading untruths. Gossip among friends is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than sharing an opinion about anonymous strangers online. These are not in the same category.

If this distinction makes you feel defensive, I suggest you ask why you are so eager to defend gossip and malign anyone who doesn't like it. I think maybe you know your gossiping is a problem, or you've gotten in trouble over it before, and you are acting out instead of making yourself accountable for your own behavior. Just my opinion (not gossip, since I don't know you).