how do you feel when other kids getting in to better schools?

[Anonymous]

I am realistic. One kid we know, who was very similar to mine except from a rich family and elite private, got into a more highly ranked school. I Know it was in part due to their full pay status. Still, I only wanted each of our kids to be happy. Mine, as it turns out, adjusted better than the other kid...which made me sad for her family (not secretly happy or anything).

These are adolescents, older children in effect. How could you wish them anything but success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always trot out my own life as an example, but here it is again. I went to Masterman, in Philadelphia, at a time when their graduating high school class only had about thirty students. Best public magnet in the state. Ten of us went to ivies, and the rest to 'lesser' schools like Duke, UVA, Penn State, etc.

None of us has invented post-its yet, although I was tempted to pretend I had at the last reunion.

We're just not that successful. A lot of teachers. I think one doctor and one biglaw partner. A few MBAs who are now housewives. Two self-published authors you've never heard of.

Always crapping on teachers and we wonder why we can't attract more quality people to the profession. There is nothing unsuccessful about being a dedicated, quality teacher. It is an obvious choice of profession got academically minded people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am realistic. One kid we know, who was very similar to mine except from a rich family and elite private, got into a more highly ranked school. I Know it was in part due to their full pay status. Still, I only wanted each of our kids to be happy. Mine, as it turns out, adjusted better than the other kid...which made me sad for her family (not secretly happy or anything).

These are adolescents, older children in effect. How could you wish them anything but success?

I sense schadenfreude here, and often, on DCUM.

Maybe the kid is more qualified, or maybe that kid fit the "slot" (that the school wanted/needed) better than you kid, and that is okay.

Full pay is something - EXCEPT if the kid does not have the grades or the fit, then full pay is nothing.

[Anonymous]

I feel amazed that they are willing to pay $80K+ per year for each year of undergraduate education for multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel amazed that they are willing to pay $80K+ per year for each year of undergraduate education for multiple kids.

Who is "they"? Maybe they are taking multiple loans or extra jobs or something - it certainly is not our business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel amazed that they are willing to pay $80K+ per year for each year of undergraduate education for multiple kids.

If they have multiple kids they are likely getting FA.

[Anonymous]

Why does anyone focus on what the other kids are doing? Focus on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel amazed that they are willing to pay $80K+ per year for each year of undergraduate education for multiple kids.

Maybe it’s financially just not a problem for them. At 700k annual income, two undergrad private tuitions doesn’t dent at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

What do you mean by this op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel amazed that they are willing to pay $80K+ per year for each year of undergraduate education for multiple kids.

Maybe it’s financially just not a problem for them. At 700k annual income, two undergrad private tuitions doesn’t dent at all

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends.
Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily.

I disagree. Just like the saying, "you can't know what goes on behind closed doors", you can not know what a student has accomplished and put on their college applications.
My DS is extremely private about his extracurricular research work. He has progressively done more and more each year and finally some research his senior year of high school at a local university. His science work is impressive but I would guess that most of his classmates do not know about it. Or if they do have a sense, they do not realize to the extent that it has become. There are thousands of kids and examples just like this.

I agree with this. My DS quietly accumulated over 500 volunteer hours in high school. It was something we got him started with in 9th grade because, frankly, he seemed to have a little too much time on his hands. He enjoyed volunteering at this organization so much that he just kept with it and boosted his involvement over time. But most people had no idea he was doing this, I know because people told me so when he won a community volunteer award at the end of senior year. I'm sure prior to his winning the award anyone inclined to give any thought to his ECs would have assumed he didn't have any.

This, slightly modified. My very introverted DC had a side interest/hobby that they were pretty passionate about. School had no idea, classmates had no idea about what DC was doing summers or outside of school (esp. pandemic). DC's stuff involved more extensive exploration of that interest, and a very focused essay that explained how they synthesized interests and why they wanted to go to X school to study Y. And it was a field the schools were looking for students to study in. School counselor didn't expect it, but we did. It's about hitting the sweet spot and showing why your kid fits a particular niche/need for the school.

Similar story here. DD is quiet about what she has been doing. She pursued CS competitions and just got accepted to MIT. She did not do them with college applications in mind, just wanted to learn more about CS. As she is the only one from her HS who has these international awards, and not even a Presidency of an established club at her school, folks are probably scratching their heads as to how she got in!

My kid was a “dark horse” too. He did very little in school, didn’t join clubs, do NHS etc. Showed up at school, took the most rigorous courses but never discussed his grades or test scores with others. Kids were shocked at the schools he got in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am realistic. One kid we know, who was very similar to mine except from a rich family and elite private, got into a more highly ranked school. I Know it was in part due to their full pay status. Still, I only wanted each of our kids to be happy. Mine, as it turns out, adjusted better than the other kid...which made me sad for her family (not secretly happy or anything).

These are adolescents, older children in effect. How could you wish them anything but success?

I sense schadenfreude here, and often, on DCUM.

Maybe the kid is more qualified, or maybe that kid fit the "slot" (that the school wanted/needed) better than you kid, and that is okay.

Full pay is something - EXCEPT if the kid does not have the grades or the fit, then full pay is nothing.

Except the poster literally said she felt bad for the other family…so there is no reason to infer that she was secretly happy about their misfortune.

Perhaps you are projecting, or using the word incorrectly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends.
Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily.

I disagree. Just like the saying, "you can't know what goes on behind closed doors", you can not know what a student has accomplished and put on their college applications.
My DS is extremely private about his extracurricular research work. He has progressively done more and more each year and finally some research his senior year of high school at a local university. His science work is impressive but I would guess that most of his classmates do not know about it. Or if they do have a sense, they do not realize to the extent that it has become. There are thousands of kids and examples just like this.

I agree with this. My DS quietly accumulated over 500 volunteer hours in high school. It was something we got him started with in 9th grade because, frankly, he seemed to have a little too much time on his hands. He enjoyed volunteering at this organization so much that he just kept with it and boosted his involvement over time. But most people had no idea he was doing this, I know because people told me so when he won a community volunteer award at the end of senior year. I'm sure prior to his winning the award anyone inclined to give any thought to his ECs would have assumed he didn't have any.

This, slightly modified. My very introverted DC had a side interest/hobby that they were pretty passionate about. School had no idea, classmates had no idea about what DC was doing summers or outside of school (esp. pandemic). DC's stuff involved more extensive exploration of that interest, and a very focused essay that explained how they synthesized interests and why they wanted to go to X school to study Y. And it was a field the schools were looking for students to study in. School counselor didn't expect it, but we did. It's about hitting the sweet spot and showing why your kid fits a particular niche/need for the school.

Similar story here. DD is quiet about what she has been doing. She pursued CS competitions and just got accepted to MIT. She did not do them with college applications in mind, just wanted to learn more about CS. As she is the only one from her HS who has these international awards, and not even a Presidency of an established club at her school, folks are probably scratching their heads as to how she got in!

My kid was a “dark horse” too. He did very little in school, didn’t join clubs, do NHS etc. Showed up at school, took the most rigorous courses but never discussed his grades or test scores with others. Kids were shocked at the schools he got in.

Lol, mine wasn’t in NHS either

[Anonymous]

My kid is in ES so no personal experience yet.

Just philosophizing. I went to a “bad” gigantic school, my graduating class was like 750 kids l think. I was a nerd and my parents didn’t care, they didn’t even know what schools l applied to or what l was going to study until l was already in. So this angst parents here are feeling is foreign to me.

I will of course be helping my kid, but it’s nice to have a bit of perspective.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, PP, it's become more hands on for parents than it was when we went to college (90s).

But I agree- my kid got into 2 top 20 schools and people were "surprised" to find out he was qualified. You never really know what kids do outside of school or in their classes or awards they win in outside interests unless they brag or your kid is in there with them.