how do you feel when other kids getting in to better schools?
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Anonymous
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How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC? I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard... |
Anonymous
| I’m happy for them. Your child will find a place. It honestly does not matter as much as people think it does. You need to buck up and take the lead in making this ok for your child. Let the jealousy go! My favorite quote in these times is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Don’t steal your kid’s joy. I know it’s hard, but you owe this to your kid. Celebrate their successes! |
Anonymous
| Just remember that getting into a ‘better’ school means nothing and doesn’t mean your child will be less happier or less successful than the other kids. Better is relative. My kid had specific things they wanted in a college. So for my kid they are at the best college for them. How do you even compare that to anyone else’s choices? Yes, i get that people are blindsided by the rankings and thats what you probably mean by a ‘better’ school. But thats the wrong way to think IMO. |
Anonymous
Why this endless stats, stats, stats? That is not how this game is played. You are misleading your student. Stats are not enough. If they are not very gifted in some specific way, they lose out to the superstar...in music, or art or science or sports or writing, etc. |
Anonymous
| How do you know the other kids have “lower stats”? Are you reviewing their reports cards? Did you read their letters of recommendation? Did you read their essays? Do you know how they spend their time outside of school? Do you know what hardships they’ve endured to get where they are? |
Anonymous
| I don't care because my kid is thrilled with his school. And it's in a great location that will be fun for me. |
Anonymous
+1 High enough stats are the entry-ticket. After that the main game is finding a niche where you stand out. This is true in college and in life. So it's a good lesson to learn before college is how I would think of it OP. The kid with the highest GPA in college doesn't win anything either. The kid with a high enough GPA who also found ways to explore interests, make connections, lead, and excel in more personalized ways is more likely to find fulfilling career and communities and have more opportunities than the kid with the very highest GPA. |
Anonymous
Stop focusing on other kids. Focus on what went well for your kid. Find something to be excited about for them. Every school has something cool. Focus on that. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, a little envious. Our DD punched below her weight and went for a more low stress college that, while still good, was not the most prestigious she could have gotten into.
She likes where she is, and it's a good fit but part of me wonders how much better she could have done. |
Anonymous
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GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends. Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily. |
Anonymous
But you don’t know what the college is looking for and values. Do they have too many STEM kids and need more humanities? Too many women? Too many tuba players? Maybe the other kid’s essays were fantastic. Maybe some teacher wrote an amazing recommendation. You have no idea what is in the application!!! All of the stats are probably roughly similar. An AO told us at an admissions session that a 1450 is just as good to schools as a 1600. They don’t make the fine distinctions parents do. It’s fine and time to move on. |
Anonymous
| Did your child apply to the same school or a similar school? |
Anonymous
If one's DC is in a small enough school and the DCs have been classmates for a long time, it's quite plausible that these DCs know each other's stats, even if not down to the very last hundredth point. One of my DC's was with the same 20 kids in the most rigourous math/science classes for four years. Within that group, DC had a pretty good sense of how they fell out (no rank school). A few parents of these kids even posted their perfect ACT/SAT scores on Instagram, so there's that. There were a couple kids at the top of the pile who did not do well in ED1/2 but all pretty much fell together in RD (after a few agonizing months). There were a couple of parents who were not happy when their kids did not get into some ED schools that other students did, ones whom they perceived as "lesser" students. In one instance, i think the kid who took less rigorous courses had a higher GPA, was captain of a state-winning sports team, etc. I am friends with the not happy mom. She tends not to gossip, but she did comment on that one. I just let it go, knowing that this was driven by disappointment. FWIW, I thought she was not as realistic about her daughter's chances and that probably hindered the kid in drawing up a realistic list. Fortunately it came together in RD. I think these feelings are natural yet best to not express to your DC and to pivot to a more positive stance as soon as possible. |
Anonymous
What's wrong with 1440 |
tigermom
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| Honestly, it does not matter to us at all. My DC got into every school applied, some prestigious, some more locally known, and still went with a less prestigious one, not a top one. We chose fit and best offer over stats and rank. It's more important to go to a school that fits your child than to one where they struggle or don't fit in and end up with mental and/or physical health issues. All roads lead to success if the person wants to succeed. |