Child transferred from other class has completely changed the feeling of a classroom - wwyd?

[Anonymous]

If your child is really unhappy, I'd consider moving her to another class. The school can't say "we don't do that".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

Not OP, but as a parent who has to advocate for my child, I could care less if a teacher is mocking me behind my back. My first priority is always to my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

Any Teacher that mocks a parent for contacting them when a student is crying about school at home and there are regular disruptions in the classroom is a pretty bad Teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please go talk to the teacher.
Here's the reality though. My guess is the teacher is taking "data" on the disruptive kid because no evaluation can happen for months or even years until several rounds of "RTI" or "MTSS" has been put in place. It doesn't matter how many times the teacher has to evacuate the room or whatever. Most schools are getting push back because they are referring too many kids to sped and one way to reduce the referrals is to make the interventions so consuming for the teacher, she essentially just waits the kid out til the end of the year. (Example, kid throws things in the room. Sped team meets with teacher. Tells her to take data on the incident, what precedes and follows it to find out why it is happening. 6 weeks pass. Now there's data on the why. Then the sped team suggests, "why don't you try a chart with stickers?" Teacher has to implement that for 6 weeks. Oh and by the way, this is all while meeting every other need in the classroom, teaching content, and dealing with the out of control kid. 6 weeks later, problem is not solved. "Have you tried moving his seat near you?" (Omg, no, that never occurred to me! Thank you for your wisdom because this is my first rodeo!)
And on and on and on and on.

However, when OTHER parents complain, sometimes this speeds up the process. The school probably won't listen to anything the teacher says.

Good luck. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. I'm always very worried about how one or two kids can affect every single other child in the room in major and negative ways.

This. As a school administrator myself, I encourage you to talk to your daughter's teacher and also her principal. School divisions respond to squeaky wheels. Make your wheels squeak LOUD. Other parents may decide to do the same thing.

I want to say this gently but also sternly: please do not gossip about this child to other parents or make idle conversation about the child or speculate. If you're asked, you can say that you did speak to the principal because your daughter has had some upsetting days recently and you wanted to get more information and discuss it but do NOT verbally attack this other child. You do that, and I will never hear what you're saying. Children aren't born bad and they usually aren't bad on purpose. The other child needs as much love as yours does. So, sure, stick up for your daughter's right to be in a calm and stress-free, happy environment but don't pin the tail on the other kid. That isn't fair.

OP here, thank you, good to have an administrator's perspective in addition to the teachers that have posted.

I want to make this clear - I am concerned about how to help MY child. I don't want anything bad or negative to happen to this other child and I have not and will not talk about them to other parents. My focus is on figuring out the best way to help my child because clearly this change has had an impact on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

OP here - I sound crazy for....not doing anything? I literally haven't done or said anything yet and came on here asking for advice, and you think I'm crazy. Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this child bullying her? If not, she needs to toughen up.

Seems like the child is bullying the entire class. Also seems like the child isn't being served either.

If the child has some type of disability they are not bullying the class, they are unable to control themselves and that leads to disruptions to the class. I get that people are worried about all the students in the class but try not to be so callous as to not understand that most kids do not want to disrupt everything around them. Whatever is happening, it is likely that the child is struggling with dysregulation and needs help. It is scary for the other kids but it is not intentional.

The posters who are suggesting that the child was moved to a different class as part as the schools process to evaluate and record what is happening so that the school can move the child to a more appropriate environment are probably spot on. It is not as simple as noting some behaviors and moving a kid, there is an entire process. It is a pain in the butt for the student, the classmates, the Teachers, and the Administration.

And it sucks for the OPs kid. which is why the OP emailing the Teacher with a message about how her child's education is impacted is important. It gives the Teacher additional info to provide the Administration about the child's impact and can help the process along. But the email needs to focus on the experience of the OPs child, her responses to the disruptions, and stay neutral on the other child.

It sucks for all. It really does. OP should be focused on her kid and is doing the right thing but there is no reason for adults to be referring to a kid who is out of control for god knows what reason as a bully and assuming that the disruptive child wants to be behaving like this.

While I have a lot of sympathy for the child, I have a child who was a victim of one of these children regularly. My child goes to the nurse at least once/month for injuries from the child in his class. My child has been hit in the head by books, has been strangled because he checked out a book at the library that the other child wanted and the child strangled him to make him give up the book. My child has been bled from having a chair thrown at him that hit him in the head. My child has been kicked and has had black and blue bruises from this child.

While the school must serve them, I do expect the school to protect my child from this I spoke with the teacher on a number of occasions and the teachers have finally moved my child to the opposite side of the room from the disruptive child. At least now, he no longer comes home injured on a regular basis.

OP--you need to get your child's teacher involved and you need to explain the effect that the migrated student is having. While the teacher cannot move the child out of the class, they can and should do what they can to insulate the other children from the migrated student where possible. Perhaps just moving the children so that your child is sitting on the opposite side of class will help her if the disruptive child is not near by. But, you need to involve the teacher so they can do what is within their power to help as many children in the class as possible. But the parents need to communicate with the teacher so the teacher knows which children need more help.

I would have demanded a class change or kept my kid home.

That PP is clearly a troll or exaggerating like crazy. No school district would allow that. No parent would allow it to get that way.

I am not a troll. The situation I described happened over the course of 2 months. At first my son didn't want to tell me about the incidents. He actually likes the other kid, just doesn't like "his tantrums". He didn't want to bet moved out of his class and he didn't want the other boy to get into trouble. The book thrown at his head, the strangling fight over the book, and a few other incidents happened before he told me. When the nurse called, I was told that he was hit in the head, had an ice pack, was monitored and sent back to class. Because of privacy rules, they were not allowed to tell me that all of the incidents were from one child, so I thought it was just a rough classroom and these were "kids being kids". It was when I noticed the bruises on his legs from when he was kicked that I started asking about what was going on and then I asked my son if they were all one kid and was told it was.

Now, mind you, my son has been in class with this child since 1st grade due to tracking. However, in first and second grade, they had a para-educator assigned for him that was in class and monitored and helped this child. 3rd grade, we were entirely virtual. This year, they were short a couple of paraeducators in our school and so he was not assigned one That was a big mistake. When I finally figured out that it was all one child and I talked to the school counselor and my child's teacher, they pulled a paraeducator from another class and assigned it to my son's class. This teacher (who I know, because she lives in my neighborhood) is now assigned daily to help monitor this student and help in class. She has reached out to me and asked me to keep her in the loop if my son tells me about anything unusual or dangerous happening in class and she will address it personally.

Unfortunately, I know that our school is still short of paraeducators and having one assigned to our class daily, means that somewhere else, some other child or children are not getting the attention that they need, but that's not my concern or problem to deal with.

[Anonymous]

As a teacher her, I have seen this play out again and again. It is heartbreaking all around. First, ask for your child to be moved. Ask for a meeting with the principal and provide calm, specific examples of how your child’s progress is being affected. If you do not get the response you want, escalate immediately to the next level. This means contacting the principal’s supervisor and the School Board. Tell them you are prepared to hire a lawyer to advocate for your child’s right to a safe learning environment. This is part of FAPE. Free and appropriate public education.

If you can, volunteer in the classroom. I know some schools are not allowing volunteers now.

If your child is ever harmed by another child, you must press charges. This will get the child the help that he or she needs. If every teacher or student that was hurt by a student would press charges, these kids would not face months-long waits to get to an appropriate setting where they can learn and flourish.

I taught these very difficult students for years, and it was astonishing to me how long it took until I finally got them and we could help them. The misbehaving child is in need of help, but so is your kid, and I’d be emailing and calling all day, while doing my best to help my child. Talk to the guidance counselor and ask that your child gets a “flash pass” so that she can leave the room when things get heated and practice her self-calming strategies. Her mental health is your main concern, as you know.

Ask that your school PTA have a speaker on how the school system handles children like this, and what the policies and procedures are. Not to mention this particular class, but in general. They can send out someone from central office to address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please go talk to the teacher.
Here's the reality though. My guess is the teacher is taking "data" on the disruptive kid because no evaluation can happen for months or even years until several rounds of "RTI" or "MTSS" has been put in place. It doesn't matter how many times the teacher has to evacuate the room or whatever. Most schools are getting push back because they are referring too many kids to sped and one way to reduce the referrals is to make the interventions so consuming for the teacher, she essentially just waits the kid out til the end of the year. (Example, kid throws things in the room. Sped team meets with teacher. Tells her to take data on the incident, what precedes and follows it to find out why it is happening. 6 weeks pass. Now there's data on the why. Then the sped team suggests, "why don't you try a chart with stickers?" Teacher has to implement that for 6 weeks. Oh and by the way, this is all while meeting every other need in the classroom, teaching content, and dealing with the out of control kid. 6 weeks later, problem is not solved. "Have you tried moving his seat near you?" (Omg, no, that never occurred to me! Thank you for your wisdom because this is my first rodeo!)
And on and on and on and on.

However, when OTHER parents complain, sometimes this speeds up the process. The school probably won't listen to anything the teacher says.

Good luck. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. I'm always very worried about how one or two kids can affect every single other child in the room in major and negative ways.

This. As a school administrator myself, I encourage you to talk to your daughter's teacher and also her principal. School divisions respond to squeaky wheels. Make your wheels squeak LOUD. Other parents may decide to do the same thing.

I want to say this gently but also sternly: please do not gossip about this child to other parents or make idle conversation about the child or speculate. If you're asked, you can say that you did speak to the principal because your daughter has had some upsetting days recently and you wanted to get more information and discuss it but do NOT verbally attack this other child. You do that, and I will never hear what you're saying. Children aren't born bad and they usually aren't bad on purpose. The other child needs as much love as yours does. So, sure, stick up for your daughter's right to be in a calm and stress-free, happy environment but don't pin the tail on the other kid. That isn't fair.

OP here, thank you, good to have an administrator's perspective in addition to the teachers that have posted.

I want to make this clear - I am concerned about how to help MY child. I don't want anything bad or negative to happen to this other child and I have not and will not talk about them to other parents. My focus is on figuring out the best way to help my child because clearly this change has had an impact on her.

You're welcome. As a parent myself I absolutely agree with your perspective. Your primary job as a parent is to keep your child safe so you need to do what you need to do to ensure that AND to make sure that your child knows that you will do what you need to do to keep her safe. I am behind you all the way on that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

. Teacher here. No this parent does not sound crazy. Their child is upset by this change. A truly troubled ES student can indeed tank a previously harmonious class if they are really out of control (violent, suicidal, elopement risk, constantly sharing disturbing details of their lives, menacing to other children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of assumptions on this thread for a kid whose “crime” is unspecified disruption and taking up too much of the teachers’ time. Talk to the teacher, op. You’ve no way of knowing what’s going on until you do, and neither do we.

Exactly. There are two sides to every story. And I'm in shock people are suggesting pressing charges. WTF??

My god. Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

. Teacher here. No this parent does not sound crazy. Their child is upset by this change. A truly troubled ES student can indeed tank a previously harmonious class if they are really out of control (violent, suicidal, elopement risk, constantly sharing disturbing details of their lives, menacing to other children).

Another teacher here. Agree. The parent doesn't sound crazy at all. We do NOT talk about parents like this behind their backs. These type of parents help everyone. She is calm, advocating in a calm way for her own child and her advocacy will likely help the other child too. Instead of the system stalling on true help for the violent child, its possible this might speed true help up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please go talk to the teacher.
Here's the reality though. My guess is the teacher is taking "data" on the disruptive kid because no evaluation can happen for months or even years until several rounds of "RTI" or "MTSS" has been put in place. It doesn't matter how many times the teacher has to evacuate the room or whatever. Most schools are getting push back because they are referring too many kids to sped and one way to reduce the referrals is to make the interventions so consuming for the teacher, she essentially just waits the kid out til the end of the year. (Example, kid throws things in the room. Sped team meets with teacher. Tells her to take data on the incident, what precedes and follows it to find out why it is happening. 6 weeks pass. Now there's data on the why. Then the sped team suggests, "why don't you try a chart with stickers?" Teacher has to implement that for 6 weeks. Oh and by the way, this is all while meeting every other need in the classroom, teaching content, and dealing with the out of control kid. 6 weeks later, problem is not solved. "Have you tried moving his seat near you?" (Omg, no, that never occurred to me! Thank you for your wisdom because this is my first rodeo!)
And on and on and on and on.

However, when OTHER parents complain, sometimes this speeds up the process. The school probably won't listen to anything the teacher says.

Good luck. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. I'm always very worried about how one or two kids can affect every single other child in the room in major and negative ways.

This so excellent advice, from another teacher. Some schools are very good about moving SpED referrals along. Others, due to lots of pressure from above, push back again and again on teacher, essentially blaming her for what anyone can see is an inappropriate placement for a kid. I have seen parental pressure from other parents make a difference, if this is the case. Affirm your child’s teacher and everything she has done all year to make it a positive learning environment in which your child has thrived. Contrast that with now. Be very specific about how many times your child has come home in tears, what she has said, etc. in detail. If you talk with other parents in the class, you might mention it, too. The only times I have seen dramatic improvements in supports and placement have been when parents of affected children really sounded the alarm about how bad it is.

To the extent that your kid is suffering, I guarantee your child’s teacher is suffering even more. Here she is thinking she is a good teacher and then WHAM, a disruptive child is switched to her class and nothing she tries is helping. She sees the other kids hurting and can’t help. She starts to dread coming to school, dear waking up in the morning, dread Mondays all weekend. The sad thing is, that child might thrive in another environment, like a self-contained ED class with a 3-1 student teacher ratio, much more positive behavior supports, a behavior regulation teacher, a calm down room, literally minute-by-minute reinforcement of his pro-social behaviors, art therapy, music therapy. With the experience of success with all these additional supports, he may grow in readiness for mainstreaming. Where he is now sounds like a torture to him, too, even if he doesn’t know it.

Lastly: this child’s parent may have no idea how bad it is. One year, I saw a 1st grade student be this destructive and disruptive, and even though the teacher was making daily calls home and doing a daily behavior chart, etc, the parent must have thought she was exaggerating or that it was within the range of normal until she invited a grownup of classmates to the child’s birthday party and no one rSVP’d yes. When she asked one parent she felt safe to ask, that parent kindly confided that her daughter was afraid of him because they so often had to evacuate the classroom when he would have a tantrum. The parents seemed not to register that the child’s behavior wasn’t just preventing his learning but was preventing him from having any friends at all, or anything positive. They went in to have him evaluated and did a trial ADHD medication that was immediately and dramatically successful…allowing the child to participate and engage like never before. The effect on the classroom was dramatic. This may be an outlier example and I don’t mean to suggest to call a parent unsolicited and be that frank, but it is possible that the parent doesn’t fully understand how miserable their own child may be.

+1 Excellent advice. The teacher is probably at the end of her rope. Document every way this change affects your child, and put it in writing. I would start emailing the principal every time, while being clear that you know the teacher is doing her best and you support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you to the first few posters - no, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet, mainly because I just don't know what I should say or what help I should ask for, so thank you for providing suggestions regarding how to ask for that help/support.

You sound crazy. Some of the PPs are describing extreme situations in which concerns are valid.

You sound like your are whining because your perfect snowflake has a child in their class who is less than perfect. You are the type of parent that teachers mock behind your back.

I'm a teacher. It's said that students at schools with "active, involved" parents do better than those with parents who aren't involved. Well, guess what -- this is exactly what "active, involved" parents do. They advocate for their kids. It's not whining.

[Anonymous]

I would focus on why your child is in tears all day. It doesn't sound like a lot is happening in the class that is out of the norm. You may have left out important details but if it's just a disruptive child who takes up a lot of the teacher's time and your child is literally crying when she comes home that's not normal.

I would get her evaluated ASAP.