Play date turned babysitting - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread I better understand the reason for the state of the country today. You people just automatically jump to ill-intentions. Maybe you’ve been burned but you’re the equivalent of an abused dog who now just hates all men. No one knows this neighbor, and you’re jumping to all sorts of conclusions based on a couple sentences in a post. You’re just terrible people.

Nah, it’s definitely weird to try to bait and switch your neighbor into watching your 2 year old so you can go to a charity luncheon. Maybe some zoos are easy with 2 toddlers, but I’m picturing the National Zoo, which definitely is not. I would respond better to a stand alone childcare request with the promise of future reciprocity, but this doesn’t feel like that at all.

[Anonymous]

I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

+100. I have very close friends and family and would never ask them for such a favor. If it was an emergency and I had to drop off my kid at their house so I could handle something, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them. [/quote

I get where you are coming from. I have been a SAHM and would be thrilled to have a neighbor relationship turn into a “sometimes we watch each other’s kids” relationship. I would definitely need the favor returned.
But OP probably does not. She likely still has available childcare on her days off. There probably isn’t a need for reciprocal childcare with a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

+100. I have very close friends and family and would never ask them for such a favor. If it was an emergency and I had to drop off my kid at their house so I could handle something, absolutely.

Or I could see it happening if it were say, two SAHMs and they agreed to trade babysitting so that they could get regular “me” time. But it would be agreed upon and arise from a close friendship, not a last minute request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

+100. I have very close friends and family and would never ask them for such a favor. If it was an emergency and I had to drop off my kid at their house so I could handle something, absolutely.

Or I could see it happening if it were say, two SAHMs and they agreed to trade babysitting so that they could get regular “me” time. But it would be agreed upon and arise from a close friendship, not a last minute request.

Usually this is babysitting. This isn't a friendship yet or a regular agreed upon exchange. I've had people do it to me and their requests became regular. There was no friendship and they were using me. I learned to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh. If you really can't or don't want to do it, definitely say no but I just don't get that attitude. It takes a village, right? I would have had no problem taking to kids to the zoo. It's not that complicated and it's fun. But to each their own. If it's too much for you, why not have the child over? It would be nice for your child to have a playdate and then presumably at some other time the child's parent would reciprocate. Might come in handy. I don't understand this mine, mine, mine attitude. Why not a helping, enjoying, working together attitude. Also, really, stop thinking of child rearing as stressful. It's fun. Have fun. Go to the zoo.

2 year olds don't play together. This is not the time to have playdates without parents. The people who scream about having a village are usually the users.

Your time is precious, so go take your kid to the zoo, and reschedule with the other parent. It seems that you do not have a strong relationship with the other mom, so this is not the time to do such favors. If you have a friendship with the mother and your frequently help each other out, sure, you could have thought of something. But, in your case, with your limited time with your kid, and because it is a pain to take care of two 2 year olds, I would pass. Also, please do not make this a SAHM/WOHM thing, because it is not. I am a SAHM and I would never leave my 2 yr old with someone and tell them to take my kid to the zoo. This is ridiculous.

This is a flake who will never help you.

Ha! So damn true.

The only mom who ever said this to me was trying to set up a carpool for our sons for sports practice. In her world, this involved me picking up her son, taking him to practice, then dropping him back home afterward.

Village indeed.

+1000. I even had a parent ask me to carpool to school with them this year. I declined as my children are virtual this year. They still emailed me regularly for a few weeks to drive their child to school since I was home. I didn't know these people, I didn't live close to them or the school. Some people are just users. It also amazes me that they'd hand their child over to a stranger like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

+100. I have very close friends and family and would never ask them for such a favor. If it was an emergency and I had to drop off my kid at their house so I could handle something, absolutely.

Or I could see it happening if it were say, two SAHMs and they agreed to trade babysitting so that they could get regular “me” time. But it would be agreed upon and arise from a close friendship, not a last minute request.

I have had these relationships, and they are awesome. It’s really nice to have someone to watch your kids so that you can go to the doctor or dentist, run an errand, take care of a sick family member, take another child to the emergency room, etc. And I was so happy to reciprocate. You have to know the person you are doing this with though. Someone who is a WOHM with every other Friday off isn’t looking for this kind of relationship. OP almost certainly has other childcare in place to get some of these things done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread I better understand the reason for the state of the country today. You people just automatically jump to ill-intentions. Maybe you’ve been burned but you’re the equivalent of an abused dog who now just hates all men. No one knows this neighbor, and you’re jumping to all sorts of conclusions based on a couple sentences in a post. You’re just terrible people.

Nah, it’s definitely weird to try to bait and switch your neighbor into watching your 2 year old so you can go to a charity luncheon. Maybe some zoos are easy with 2 toddlers, but I’m picturing the National Zoo, which definitely is not. I would respond better to a stand alone childcare request with the promise of future reciprocity, but this doesn’t feel like that at all.

Maybe a petting zoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

I didn't even think about the 2nd car seat. How much fun installing an unfamiliar carseat or taking two 2 year olds on public transit. Sounds like a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old. No way I’d agree to take a neighbor’s two-year-old and their diaper bag and their snacks and water bottle and lunch and extra car seat or double stroller, on top of my own gear, so that they can attend a luncheon. And yes I have friends and family. They wouldn’t ask crazy things like that.

+100. I have very close friends and family and would never ask them for such a favor. If it was an emergency and I had to drop off my kid at their house so I could handle something, absolutely.

Or I could see it happening if it were say, two SAHMs and they agreed to trade babysitting so that they could get regular “me” time. But it would be agreed upon and arise from a close friendship, not a last minute request.

I have had these relationships, and they are awesome. It’s really nice to have someone to watch your kids so that you can go to the doctor or dentist, run an errand, take care of a sick family member, take another child to the emergency room, etc. And I was so happy to reciprocate. You have to know the person you are doing this with though. Someone who is a WOHM with every other Friday off isn’t looking for this kind of relationship. OP almost certainly has other childcare in place to get some of these things done.

Maybe the WOHM would be open to such an arrangement. Doesn't sound like the parasite is going for that, otherwise she would explicitly propose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the replies! Just to clarify, my neighbor’s conflict that came up was non-essential (volunteer luncheon that she got late word on). If it was a medical issue or something where she truly needed help, I’d babysit without question. But this is a choice to do the luncheon instead of our zoo plans and not make her own childcare arrangements.

Yes, the zoo outing is just a half day morning thing, but my child naps after lunch and so I don’t have flexibility to babysit in the morning and go to the zoo with my kid in the afternoon. I also know her child doesn’t nap, so if I hosted the play date I’d likely be watching her kid as well while my own naps.

Anyway, appreciate the support and suggestions. It’s hard to know how to navigate these things sometimes. I don’t want to be a bad neighbor but I also don’t want to be a doormat and become resentful.

OP, you are sweet. You have the blessings of many SAHMs and WOHMs that you should decline this request and do your own thing with your kid. Even if you stay at home and stare at your belly button it is not only your prerogative but you are giving a clear indication to this user mom that you will not be used.

Many a times, these kinds of parents know that people will catch on to their ploy and will start turning them down eventually, but in the meantime they will manage to dump the kid on you at least several times.

I will especially tell women who may have come from another countries and other cultures to not fall for this ploy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the replies! Just to clarify, my neighbor’s conflict that came up was non-essential (volunteer luncheon that she got late word on). If it was a medical issue or something where she truly needed help, I’d babysit without question. But this is a choice to do the luncheon instead of our zoo plans and not make her own childcare arrangements.

Yes, the zoo outing is just a half day morning thing, but my child naps after lunch and so I don’t have flexibility to babysit in the morning and go to the zoo with my kid in the afternoon. I also know her child doesn’t nap, so if I hosted the play date I’d likely be watching her kid as well while my own naps.

Anyway, appreciate the support and suggestions. It’s hard to know how to navigate these things sometimes. I don’t want to be a bad neighbor but I also don’t want to be a doormat and become resentful.

OP, you are sweet. You have the blessings of many SAHMs and WOHMs that you should decline this request and do your own thing with your kid. Even if you stay at home and stare at your belly button it is not only your prerogative but you are giving a clear indication to this user mom that you will not be used.

Many a times, these kinds of parents know that people will catch on to their ploy and will start turning them down eventually, but in the meantime they will manage to dump the kid on you at least several times.

I will especially tell women who may have come from another countries and other cultures to not fall for this ploy.

So weird to me to rope someone into reluctantly babysitting. I love my kids. I don't want a reluctant, possibly resentful baby sitter.

[Anonymous]

Can I hop on here?

Many years ago, we moved here as a military family. I met another mom through the preschool and she asked if I would help her out by watching her daughter one day. Sure.

Then mom drops her off. Mom is all dressed up. She told me she was going to the Pentagon Officers Wives Lunch (or something similar).

Dang. I was annoyed because I also “qualified” to go to the lunch, but I was new to that area and didn’t know about the event! So, I was the babysitter.

That didn’t happen again. (And I never attended one of those luncheons either).